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...innocence is just an illusion...

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The Tattooist - alternate discard
Mmmmm... I just found this. I usually immediately delete stuff I discard or re-write but I found this in the most random place. There's almost 3,000 words and well, since i'm not actually updating/writing much, it's something new for you to skim.

Basically, this was the original chapter 15. At least the start of it. Had it gone this way there wouldn't have been the MinSu spinoff three-shot I don't think.

Mind you, I wouldn't mind Jaejoong losing his shit at Yunho because yes, the tattooist can be a little overbearing. I think I went with the happy/fluffy instead of serious because while the stuff that was brought up here is valid, it didn't quite go with the overall tone of the story. Though reading this made me think how strange it is that one character can be conceivably cleaved into two different story arcs.

So many times I think about how glad I am that i've finished a fic, and then sometimes I think about it and wish I hadn't finished it. The Tattooist was written so fast that it's probably the one fic I truly feel disconnected with. IDK how to explain it, but i'm struggling with the Epilogue because the characters all feel so foreign. But that's my problem not yours and as usual i'm rambling again lol.

Jaejoong knows he is being irrational and out of sorts, but it’s been gnawing at him for awhile.

It is Friday now, exactly two weeks from that fateful truth or dare game, and Jaejoong’s time is up.

His rational side is pointing out that whatever Yunho does, it feels like forever, but his insides are twisting and rebelling against his mind, uncertain. The fact that he still believes that it is too good to be true doesn’t help matters at all.

He is smart. He knows he is, and he has the grades to prove it, so why can’t he figure this out?

There is something wrong, and he cannot quite pinpoint what it is. He had been more than annoyed when Yunho crooked his finger at him earlier that afternoon, and while the usual him would have crooked a finger back, the new him had just went with it.

True, he was annoyed with the man over a couple of other things, but that whole “come now” thing Yunho has going has been irking him for awhile. He just hasn’t said anything about it because he is too busy being played with till he purrs, and forget that he was ever irritated to begin with.

Try as he might, he cannot seem to escape the fact that Yunho treats him like a pet. A toy even. Something he owns.

When Yunho says jump, Jaejoong asks how high.

The old Jaejoong would have stared at him, and then asked why.

Is it because he finally knows the pleasure of the body, and he is too addicted to it to question anything else?

Though really, it isn’t Jaejoong who is the addict, but Yunho. He can compartmentalize easily, doing what needs to be done first, which is how he managed to kick Yunho out of their bedroom in the first place. Without this ability, he’d be flat on his back with his ankles around his ears to be sure.

Jaejoong flushes at the image, clearing his throat, the sound loud in the empty room.

Yunho makes him stupid, in more ways than one.

A toy, a pet, a kid.

Jaejoong has been slowly coming to the realisation that he hasn’t been treated like an equal.

But what is he to do about it? He has been on the back foot from the get go. Yunho is clearly the adult, and technically, Jaejoong is still a minor.

He sighs, poring over it, his thoughts all knotted up like a pretzel. He knows that part of the reason why he still thinks this is too good to be true is because it feels one-sided. It feels like Yunho is humouring him, petting him and stroking him like a pet, and not really seeing him for who he is. They rarely have conversations worth a damn, and yes, Jaejoong admits that he has been busy with school, but that doesn’t mean that every spare moment is to be spent…pleasuring each other.

Is that normal in a relationship? All the people he knows with boyfriends or girlfriends still manage to have conversations just fine.

So why can’t they? Is it this whole “kid” business?

Changmin hyung used to call him the butterfly with teeth. So what’s happened to his teeth? Did they all break and fall out of his head when he clashed with that piercing in Yunho’s…uh…

Jaejoong flushes again as he wills that image out of his head.

And he succeeds.

Just barely.

His eyes flutter shut, as he thinks about it.

What can he do to make the man take him seriously?

Jaejoong finally falls asleep with a frown marring his brow, his concern twisting his feature even in slumber.

His last thought, is of teeth. He needs to find his again.


“What’s gotten your boxers in a twist?” Nic asks as Yunho. “You usually look like the cat that’s gotten the cream and it was bordering on disgusting.”

“Hyung is happiest with when he is playing with his kitten, and said kitten is nowhere to be seen.” Changmin interrupts, his voice cool and betraying nothing.

“So you finally decided to come out of hibernation, smirky bear?”

Changmin doesn’t bother answering her as he walks past.

Yunho stares after him curiously before turning to the blonde. “What’s up with him?”

She cocks her head, following the man’s retreating back, and sighs. “He found my bags.”

“Your bags?”

“I have to go back to America.”

“What? When?”

Nicole shrugs as she stares at the tall man brooding on the couch and staring at the television screen.


“Soon? Like TVXQ soon or JYJ soon?”

Nicole breaks into a wide grin at that. “I see Jaejoong has gotten to you. Probably TVXQ soon since JYJ soon appears to be indefinite.”


She sighs, perching her ass on the dining table, gesturing for Yunho to come closer. “I just need to return, ok? I can’t explain the reasons. And besides, I think he’d much rather be with oppa.”

“Now you’re being stupid.”

She shrugs again. “Look, I know he loves me and I love him, but some things just can’t work out. I’m a lost American tourist. Did you really think it was going to be forever for us? I never had forever in my mind, and you can’t blame me if he did.”

“Is that why you’re throwing my cousin at him?” Yunho questions incredulously. Changmin and Nicole are so well suited he actually can’t imagine the piercer without the tall, lippy blonde next to him. He can barely remember what Changmin was like before her, apart from the fact that he was always snarking at all and sundry. And picturing him with his cousin is just going to give him indigestion and he hasn’t even eaten.

She chuckles and shakes her head. “I have a weird idea of fun. Leave it at that.”

“Shouldn’t you be spending all your time with him?” Yunho is finding it a little hard to wrap his head around the whole thing. They’ve been together seven months. Well, officially it’s only been two weeks.

“Why? It’s only been two weeks.” Nicole unknowingly echoes Yunho’s thoughts. “Exactly two weeks in fact. If it weren’t for that damn game, I would’ve just left. But he confessed and I didn’t know I had to go then, but I do now. Trust me, if I could take it back, I would.”

“Games,” Yunho’s voice is loud and it shows his disgust. “Truth or dare? You’re not the only one whose two weeks are up. Fucking children’s games.”

“You know that isn’t a game to you,” Nicole murmurs quietly as she watches Max visibly stiffen as Junsu sits next to him. Eryn had to leave almost as soon as she arrived thanks to a frantic phone call from her roommate. She is actually moving in with the brunette this weekend. Max hadn’t known that though.

And now he does.

“Are you in the habit of kissing children then?”

Yunho and Nicole whirl around to see an angry teenager, dressed in nothing but Yunho’s shirt and what looks like a red pair of boxers. The first four buttons are undone, and the top is draped over the boy, off one shoulder as he fists his eyes angrily.

The tattooist flushes as the boy’s words sink in, but he says nothing, because what can he say?

He continues since Yunho seems incapable of speech. “What we did this morning, are you in the habit of doing that to children?” There is no cruelty in his tone, as he doesn’t think about what he is implying, merely hurt and resignation. “I will forever be a kid to you. Even when I’m old and wrinkly, I’ll be a kid. Well, I’m sorry I imposed my children’s games on you. You’re free now, Yunho. Your two weeks are up, and we’re done. I’ll move back in with my sisters.”

Jaejoong turns, running back to their bedroom and slamming the door. He leans against it, sinking down to the floor. The tears won’t come because he is too angry.

It cannot just be a game.

He refuses to believe it.

But Yunho’s words…

A steady knocking starts up just then.

“Leave me alone!”

“Jaejoong, please. You didn’t hear the whole conversation.”

“I heard enough!”

“Eavesdropping always fucks up both parties, babe.”

Jaejoong chooses to ignore that. “I trapped you against your will and now you’re free so go away.”

“Where am I supposed to go? You’re in my room.”

Jaejoong scowls, and it deepens when he hears a scuffle outside.

Lots of angry yelling, and god knows what else, he cannot quite make it out as he hugs his knees feeling sorry for himself. Perhaps he’s overreacting, but Yunho always treats him like a kid. Take today for example. He did not need to be carried like some stupid fairy tale princess on the brink of a swoon. But did Yunho listen to him? No.

Just like when he was living with his sister and when his parents were alive, his every move is practically dictated for him. In fact, it is just a tad worse now. Jaejoong is almost never let out of sight of any of the “adults”. And with Yunho’s yakuza connections, he has no doubt that even without the “adults”, he is still being watched.

When Yunho says jump, he says how far, not why as he used to.

Has he already lost himself so quickly?

This isn’t a relationship.

This is a dictatorship.

And Jaejoong, being the teenager he is, is rebelling.

“Jae baby. Yunho is gone.”

“Well that was fast wasn’t it?” He grumbles, as he regains his feet, opening the door a crack, and seeing Nicole. He opens the door further, letting the blonde in. She’s cradling his kitten and he frowns.

“That’s not going to work, noona. You’re not going to distract me again.”

“I’m not trying to distract you, honey. Jiji was alarmed by all the shouting so I figured a familiar face would be nice.”

Jaejoong scoffs disbelievingly, but he takes the kitten nonetheless as he heads back to the messy bed. He climbs up onto it, walking to the middle of the bed before he turns and lowers himself regally, sitting squarely in the middle of the mess of blankets and pillows, staring serenely at Nicole as he strokes his kitten.

They stare at each other for awhile.

The blonde versus the two kittens.

The blonde loses as she finally breaks eye contact, missing the hint of a smile tugging at Jaejoong’s lips as she grumbles about it.

“You know Yunho didn’t meant that.” She decides to plunge right in.

“He meant it alright. I am always a kid to him. Forever a kid, with my kid games and my kid concerns and my kid age.”

“You can’t deny you’re still seventeen, honey.”

“Do I look like I’m denying it? There are people in some countries who already have three kids at my age! Would you call them kid?”

“Possibly not, but you aren’t there, babe.”

“Yes, yes,” Jaejoong mutters. “I’m here, stuck in my kid age in an adult relationship.”


“Or should I say dictatorship,” Jaejoong continues.

Nicole opens her mouth but the teenager cuts her off.

“Have you noticed that Yunho never really asks me anything anymore the way he used to. He just tells me. He tells me when to feel, he tells me how to act, he tells me what to do. He even tells me why I’m thinking what I’m thinking sometimes. It’s enough to make a person daft! Or stupid…yes stupid. Take today for example. He claimed to want to help me with my revision, and then when I got annoyed with the topic, he tells me that I shouldn’t be upset because nature made men the way we are. I didn’t even know what he was talking about! Why would I be upset? Women have babies, and men don’t. That’s normal. I was upset because I’m not normal. I’m a boy who looks like a girl. What genes are supposed to explain that anyway? And besides, I’m even more unnatural because males who have many female siblings are supposed to be more masculine, right? That’s what we were told anyway, but here I am, about as masculine as Jiji.”

“You’re a boy, Jaejoong. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.” Nicole approaches the bed, climbing into it to settle next to the visibly upset teenager. She puts her arms around him, pulling him close, sighing in relief as he melts against her, curling into her body, and dropping Jiji into her lap.

“I know I’m a boy, but Yunho makes me feel like I can’t even look after myself sometimes. As if I’d fall apart at the seams without him. I’ve survived long enough with nothing but his annoyed glance sent my way. Now his glances are wicked, and full of seduction, and I almost want the annoyance back. He carried me in school today, noona. Like some damsel in distress. I wanted to kick him.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I’ve been asking myself the same question. I don’t really know. I guess I hate attention, and if I did kick him, more people would stare. I just wish he’d listen to me.”

“Well, you definitely caught his attention. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Yunho more panicked than I did in that moment you told him you two were done.”

“He’s just upset he doesn’t have his kitten to play with anymore. If he wanted a pet, he could’ve gotten one with less hassle. I warned him. I warned him I wasn’t a pet he could just lock up. Where did that boy go? I willingly let myself be locked up.” Jaejoong’s voice is faltering. He is angry with himself and with Yunho, but he is also trying to keep back the tide of pain at the very idea of not being with his now ex-boyfriend.

This is certainly the best example of not being able to have his cake and eat it too.

“Jae…” Nicole honestly has no idea where to start. His words are ringing true. Not to the extent he is describing, but she does know that Yunho has taken the dominant role a little too far. Jaejoong behaves like a kitten, and a young teenager most of the time. The happy smiles that could cheer anyone up, and the way he actually purrs when Yunho rubs his back. He is happily obliging, and because of Yunho, he has also taken to speaking less because the man dislikes the way people misconstrue his words. She had actually been there the day Yunho had told Jaejoong that. She thought the older man was just teasing, but the teenager had taken it to heart.

Gone is the teenager that used to tease the tattooist silly, albeit unknowingly, but the power was more evenly distributed then because of that. Yunho used to be so completely off balance because of Jaejoong, and it was amusing to watch the older man unravel because of this beautiful teenage boy with no filter.

But Jaejoong doesn’t have to tease anymore, because Yunho can just take what he wants.

The only reason Yunho had left with Max and Junsu is because Nicole had promised to bring Jaejoong round. That she’d talk some “sense” into him. She scowls at the very thought and the words even she herself has used.

Automatically, they have all assumed that Jaejoong isn’t making any sense.

And why?

Because he’s a kid?

That’s not fucking good enough.

Yunho isn’t going to like this, but Nicole just switched loyalties.


Yunho stares at the smiling teenager practically draped across his cousin’s lap. The urge to break something is very strong.

“Junsu!” he calls out instead.

His cousin twists around, grinning from ear to ear over something his teenager has said. Micky and Changmin are seated opposite him, the former arriving with a woebegone expression on his face a scant hour ago. Unfortunately for everyone, it was Jaejoong who had opened the door, and the boy has a soft spot for the weird fellow, and thus he was welcomed with a hug and a drink.

Though he supposes they are alike, both dumping their significant other for no good reason at all.

His hands fist as Jaejoong once again laughs at something.

“Jaejoong, don’t you have some studying to go?”

The laughter dies abruptly as Jaejoong stands, eyes glittering. “Excuse me?”

AN: Were you like me and scrolled down and went WAS THAT ALL? WHERE'S THE REST? I have way too many things in my head and half the time IDEK why they're there...

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let me love u angry joongie
hahaha seriosly i did scroll down
it's like BTS :B
minsu feels , gosh i love this couple ^o^
TATOOIST is one of my fav , love u girl for posting this !!!

This is quite dramatic. I understand why you ditched it. I feel like with this arc you could have written more than the one finished. Lol

the gif killed me o<--<

just when we thought you're on hiatus, there's something that will out for you to quench the thirst.
thank you for releasing this.

The image of the angry, spitting kitten is strong. I loled visualizing the blonde vs the two kittens. So adorable.

Now I have to go and reread Tattoist!!

you said angry jj I visulized this : http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_likjnpSzPQ1qi4ucgo1_400.jpg
and my heart melted ;;

*cuddles grumpy kitten* thanka for sharing this I need to read Tattooist again :)

Ahh...I like this. I like Jae's bite and his realisation that the relationship is unbalanced and that he's lost a little of himself along the way. It's a nice growth for him, especially for being in an adult relationship. :) Now I feel the need to reread the Tatooist...oh the horrors!

Nicki ;A; my heart was literally aching when Jaejoong said they were done <//3 I was half expecting that this part of the fic you've written will have a major cliffhanger, OTL. well not quiet a cliffhanger since there will never be a continuation, LOL. but thank you for still sharing it with us <3

~thank you for sharing this...i think i like the less angsty tatooist

Would have been interest ing to see how he pulls himself out of this mess.
I love/d this fic :)

Yes, I was like.... Where.... where is it.... It doesn't continue? What.......

my words for my reaction to the ending was like "EXCUSE ME?!!!" THAT WAS IT? like...omg..........

how about an alternate ending? mehehehehe. >:)

I DID scroll down! :)
Had fun time imagining panicked Yunho after Jae said their 2 weeks are up. For me it never looked like they were unbalanced in original Tattoist in the way you went, but can totally see this clarifications going on before all became good. Plus I like Changmin and Nicole's arc here, it felt little bit abrupt in original vers that they switched so quick to Erin and Junsu (IMHO)

Aww, poor baby kitten *cuddles him* but yeah this is a bit heavy. I'm sure they could've talked through it though... plus the makeup sex would be amazing right? /bricked/ LOL

This is quite interesting. I like a kitten JJ with teeth.

This is just like a birthday gift to me. I LOVE TATTOOIST. You made me so happy and hurt (for Jae) at the same time. I want more, yet I know you won't write more... ahh...
Thank you, thank you, thank you ♥

 photo 3078312005_1_11_eXnyZa0p.gif
erm... it's totally different... and honestly this seems rather 'heavy' compared to the original story... it was an interesting read but I'm glad you did the story the way it ended up being~^^

PS: I don't say this is bad just that it didn't felt like the 'right path' for the story to take after finishing reading it months ago (while rolling in the fluff & good humor like crazy lol) So reading this just gave me this 'heavy' feeling... sorry and thanks for this interesting update~^^

Edited at 2014-05-21 09:15 pm (UTC)

scroll...scroll..scrolll and scroll.. and ??
but this heavy alternate story would really make the tattooist long till ended.
Maybe one day your muse back to this plot then continue this one :D

just when I think 'I want ask JJ to post something in his twitter to make my author-ssi who will go on semi hiatus go insane and post some story -say someone who said will wait for you patiently-' LOL
aww baby joongie.. only his angry kitten can make the prince yakuza get panicked.. :')

so cute
good thing jae's getting some of his backbone back!

Omg I actually really like this >.< I really hope you write more for it.. I would love an alternate version lol

Ha! Jaejoong's personality is raising up.
How in the world could Yunho treat him like a pet? Jae could ever be somebody's pet... unles HE wants to be one... Right? :)

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