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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...


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Dream dream dream...
YJ01
beeswaxing


I sent this to my TVXQ stan friend in four parts throughout the day. I was trying to remember everything and the way I talk to her is slightly informal so it seeped into my accounting. I can't be fucked rewriting so yeah. After part 3 she sent a whole slew of Yunho/Mooseuk photos to me hahahaha. Yunho is 100% my bias.

I think I know what happened and why I had this dream. I usually express any residual feels I have through writing and Jaejoong is my main muse in all his incarnations. I haven't written anything in almost two weeks and I guess my subconscious is like WTF NIKKI. Cos seriously if you know me, I haven't spazzed about anything in ages. IDK what's going on in fandom, and i'm on/off irritated in general and I have no time for anything.

So this happened. I can still smell him. And his laughter is like he's next to me. I left out certain details AHEM cos I don't wanna scare the kids and my friend was traumatised enough already to be sending Yunho to me in retaliation. I feel tattooed :-/

Read at your own risk. I dreamt this. I still remember it so vividly like I actually lived it. I AM VERY DISTURBED OK. I think I need to write or sth.

Btw, I know he has a reputation. This dream doesn't mean I believe that rep cos I sure as fuck don't. I believe him when he said he's never done "this". I'm sure y'all (Jaejoong stans esp) have dreamt of worst. Weird thing is, I have never! I did have a dirty dream once but I was double teamed by YunJae and it wasn't this vivid. I only remember one thing about that dream lol! But this one...I can't get it out of my head.

Fuck.



Sent to my friend. No editing.




I was in a room. It was like a condo but the blocks were close together. IDK what woke me but I woke up and the room opposite mine but one floor higher was dimly lit and someone was peeking out. I even remember rubbing the sleep from my eyes OMG and I kinda popped my head out from behind the curtains and waved at the person peeking out.

Shit I can't even ok. Jaejoong is really fucking cute. It's dark blond current Jaejoong and he kinda hid behind the curtain, but then he peeked out again and I was kinda...shit it's Jaejoong! Yes, I didn't realize it was him at first. I remember wondering why the heck is he in my neck of the woods but didn't actually think too much cos that silly man was playing peekaboo behind the damn curtain. Like he had a compulsion and had to keep looking. So I pushed my curtains all the way open and kinda sat on the sill (it was like a bay window) and waved at him again.

He was half hiding his face behind the curtain but the distance was short and I could see he was damn shy. Like actually shy. And he waved at me asking me to come over. And I was sitting there thinking you have got to be fucking kidding me.

However, this is Jaejoong. I'm not about to say no!!! Hahahahaha! Anyway there were a few hand signals about how the heck I was supposed to get into his building and so I left my room. I was on the second floor and he was on the third. He met me at the bottom, wearing pajamas and a mask. REALLY FUCKING CUTE OK. I was wearing jammies too but just a camisole and boy shorts and it was kinda cold and he made a sound behind the mask and muttered "pabo-yah." Tbh IDK whether he was referring to himself or my outfit.

ANYWAY. He put his arm around me and we walked up the stairs together. Didn't take the lift. It was very strange. I was like...calm. I would never be this calm IRL omg but there was a strange vibe from him like he just wanted a friend. He wasn't too close or too far. It was just like a friend putting their arms around my shoulders. I had my arm around his TINY WAIST JFC but that was just cos it's the most comfy position. I didn't hug him. He did have enough of a curve on his butt that I could just loosely leave my arm at the top of his hips.

SEE HOW MUCH DETAIL THERE IS I SERIOUSLY WOKE UP THINKING I MUST BE GOING MAD.

And not just that, I woke up several times during the dream but when I went back to sleep, the dream just continued. It was so bizarre.

Anyway we got to his apartment and he said shhhhh and said sth in Korean. I made out noona noona noona and figure his sister(s) were staying over and asked me to be quiet. NGL I actually felt relieved his family was around.

Apartment was dark, don't remember much but he held my hand and it was clammy like he was nervous but IDK why cos I was seriously calm as fuck.

His room was normal size with an attached bathroom and closet. It was very tidy and there were no built-ins apart from the bedside tables. I remember asking him in ENGLISH where all his things were cos I expressed surprise and he looked a little startled, pulled down the mask, but didn't say anything and I think all the air left my body.

He is beautiful. Tousled, sleepy, no makeup whatsoever and when he smiled I thought the sun just came up. Bloody hell. So much for being calm, I went from zero to sixty miles an hour in one second. It was a sheepish smile and he showed me his closet and explained in broken English that he doesn't normally stay here.

For someone who didn't stay there, his closet was damn big but NEVERMIND...

NB: My brain is broken right now btw. IDK what the hell is going on. I don't have these feels for Jaejoong. At all. Maybe I was over tired from the flight or sth.

The bed was messy as heck like he just got out of bed which he did. He kinda smoothed it back and apologized and asked if I wanted a drink.

Me being me, no shame whatsoever, kinda just flung myself on his bed on my back. His comforter was soooooo voluminous and comfy and there was a phoooof type sound from the trapped air and I grinned and stared up at the ceiling and stretched. Such a nice stretch I can still feel my back OTL He laughed at me and I sat up on my elbows and kinds glared playfully at him the way I would with my husband when I know he's laughing/teasing me and demanded to know what he was laughing about. But I didn't wait for him to answer cos his bed is really fucking comfy so I plopped back down and kinda moaned happily and started rolling around on his bed like a kid. Bloody hell. His bed smells amazing. It smells like a boy lol! A nice smelling boy. It smelled natural. A little old cologne kinda clung to the sheets but the effect was good and was damn pleased and would've been happy rolling around all night OTL

Then on one roll, I bumped into an object lmao. He'd decided that I was having too much fun without him and so he lay down at the foot of the bed and I rolled smack into him but I was rolling pretty exuberantly and he's kinda slim so my momentum made me roll half onto him.

He laughed at me again and reached up and pushed my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. His eyes were so smiley. I was kinda dumbfounded tbh. I knew exactly who he was. I know now that he didn't know that I knew. Anyway I must've been staring too long without saying anything cos his chuckles kinda died away.

Next thing I knew he'd leaned up and kissed me.

Quick peck, nothing more and my god the explosion of colour in his face when he dropped his head back onto the bed. I remember his arm kinda tightening around my waist and falling limp. His eyes were closed and he sighed very loudly. I could feel his exhalation on my face lol. His breath was vaguely minty but a little sour too probably from sleeping. It was a normal smell OTL

I didn't know what the hell to do you know. Here I am half sprawled across Kim (motherfucker I typed Jung at first fuck) Jaejoong and I was like...what is going on. Yunho crossed my mind right then and I was kinda wondering what's going on. He gave off a weird vibe to me. Like he wanted or needed to be with someone and he was happy for the company.

I didn't say anything. Just dropped my chin and slid off him lol but his arm tightened again so I ended up on my side on the bed but my leg was still kinda across his hips.

Didn't really say anything. Just lay there. He's very warm. Almost like he has a fever but not really. IDK how long we lay there but I was going a little nuts. I'm big on olfactory stimulation and he really smells incredible. Just that skin smell, slightly musky and intensely arousing. I think I moved first but I'm not sure. I remember sighing and nuzzling him and then I moved my leg and bumped into sth interesting lol!

And he kinda swore under his breath and tried to move away but I had a grip of his shirt and his move away was half hearted at best tbh. So because of my grip he kinda rebounded back and well, next thing I know we're kissing hah! It wasn't frenzied or hurried even though I was dying like hell. I still remember wanting to tear off my clothes cos I was feeling so fucking hot. We were both on our sides by this time but it's still my leg over his hips and trying to get closer OTL

HE IS SO WARM.

His mouth is warm his skin is warm his everything is just so warm. Apart from his clammy hand at the start, Jaejoong is just warm as fuck. Oh boy he sure knows how to kiss. That damn mouth of his is sin. I was dying. Actually dying. I was whimpering shamelessly and he finally pulled away slightly, pressing his forehead against mine and said sth like "crazy girl" and then a whole string of words in Korean and I was pouting and pinched his side and said I don't understand and he gave this hella boyish smirk. Naughty kid istg and said another whole string of words and I was like PABO OPPA I DON'T LIKE YOU VERY MUCH.

And bastard was all "really?" with this weird expression and I melted AUGH.

Anyway, I'm not gonna go into details because well...let's just say I woke up three times while dreaming OTL

HE IS KINKY OK. Not in a whips and chains sense but none of the three times were in any "normal" position. When he found out how flexible I was, he went to town OTL

Shit I am dying right now again FML...

DREAM NOT OVER BTW.

Anyway, flexible, went to town...

Whatever you can imagine, basically I myself couldn't have pictured what actually happened to IDEK what to say.

Moving on, after the third time, both sweaty and sated hahahahaha...he is a cuddler. Hard out. But NEVERMIND.

Anyway, lying facing each other and sharing pillow. He was drawing on my collarbone and it took awhile but I realized he was writing out his name in hangul. Dunno what's up with that but nevermind.

I started talking.

I recounted what happened in my office re the YG thing. He obviously still thought I didn't know who he was cos when I told him I was so confused cos I thought she said YJ CONCERT. And I kept repeating "YJ? YJ? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? YUNJAE?"

And his face turned white. IDT I've ever seen blood leaving someone's face faster than that. He stopped tracing his name on my skin and started drawing Yunho's name!

Jung Yunho.

Over and over and over again on my skin.

And he just looked so damn heartbroken. Like...IDK. I think resigned is a good word to describe it. He was just resigned. Like he's given up.

We communicated in super broken English. He was like "you know me" but it was more a statement rather than a question. He was getting colder though. I could see him shutting down. Surprised he didn't kick me out of bed OTL

Anyway, I told him I'm a lawyer, and willing for him to take a photo of me naked if he needs assurance that I won't talk cos I wasn't going to. He can keep it to blackmail me. I remember his mouth quirking and then he said that if he does take a photo, he's not keeping it for blackmail. And he finally smiled again thank god. Seriously I was feeling like a shitty person for some reason for telling him that YG story.

Jung Yunho over and over again in my skin. ISTG I woke up and checked my shoulder to see if I had his name somehow tattooed into my skin. Jaejoong just wouldn't stop. And we didn't talk for ages.

Finally I couldn't take it. I'm actually fine with sitting in silence with someone but this is Kim fucking Jaejoong and he's trying to brand Jung Yunho's name into my skin! It was so absentminded that it felt like I was invisible.

I said that no matter how much he writes his name into my skin, I wasn't going to turn into Yunho.

He froze and scowled.

Hardcore scowled. He went from vaguely affectionate to ice cold. Scary I tell you.

I told him I didn't know hangul but I know Yunho's name and his and both feel like they're permanently etched in my skin.

He finally relaxed and asked if I really can't understand Korean. I told him to call me whatever the fuck he wanted in Korean and I wouldn't have a damn clue if he was being nice or mean.

Bugger actually did it. Said a few things with a pleasant smile and I didn't react and his face turned into wonder. I asked him what he said and he told me he cursed my parents.

I hit him hah! And he said a few more words in Korean and then explained that he took the curses back.

What the hell?

Anyway then I asked him why he keeps baiting YunJae fans. YES I ASKED HIM. I didn't use the word baiting. I think I said YunJae AKTF. Why?

He looked sad again. Then he said he doesn't know any other way. They're on a break and he's going crazy. And then he said he's never done "this" before. He had a massive fight with Yunho apparently which is why he's hiding out in that random apartment and he was so upset his sisters decided to stay with him to make sure he didn't do anything stupid.

I'm not stupid so I don't count hah!

I said that to him. He didn't get it so I had to explain slowly and when he finally got it, his laughter was so real I think I can still hear it.

So yeah...

Language barrier was terrible though so we stopped talking. Seemed to upset him anyway. I fell asleep and woke up in my bed lol.

I have zero idea what that was about. Maybe all the YunJae was getting to me.











NB: Seriously, my imagination is not this crazy. I hate het fic. I don't like it at all. I couldn't even write Jejuko's sex scene properly. This was seriously the fuck out of left field. I'm still totally flabbergasted can you tell? I can't look at any sleepy Jaejoong or blond Jaejoong or masked Jaejoong now without...remembering OTL I feel weird and it's so vivid it's almost awkward. Told my husband and he was like...so you cheated on me with Jaejoong? Jaejoong? Not Yunho? Jaejoong? And then he kinda shook his head like he couldn't believe it and was like JAEJOONG? NOT YUNHO? REALLY? JAEJOONG? Even he can't fucking believe it. Bleah.
Tags:

Lmao. Wow what a dream. I wish I had dreams like that. It seems like it's so much fun. Your husbands response is great. Lol.

Dude...my belly still clenches at the memory. This is not the type of dream you'd want tbh.

Yeah my husband really couldn't believe it. He said that around noon btw and randomly during the day he'd be like JAEJOONG? OTL

Woman, you killed me here.

Damn, can I steal your dream? Why don't I dream stuff like this?
I need to calm down. JJ is my bias so this is one sweet fantasy.

LOL. You meant he has a reputation for one night stands? Het ones or boy ones? Or you meant something else?

Breathe. I need to breathe. I think my face is burning up.

Just remembered something. I think you probably saw these gifs already but it's always nice to see them again.
http://minesomine.livejournal.com/36408.html

P.S. Yunho:


Edited at 2014-09-23 03:37 pm (UTC)

I AM STRUGGLING TO BREATHE I HATE YOU WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK I AM WEAK OK MY BRAIN STILL CAN'T SEEM TO WORK OUT THAT IT'S A DREAM NOT A MEMORY AND I SHOULD FORGET IT ASAP HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD...

YOUR GIF COLLECTION JUST REMINDED ME HOW HE TASTED... HOW HE FUCKING SMELLED. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HOW DAMN WARM HE WAS. HE WAS JUST SO...HOT.

AND THEN YUNHO. TOO MUCH.

Whooaaaa there Nikki...
My reaction is absolutely the same with your hubby
JAEJOONG???REALLY???NOT YUNHO BUT JAEJOONG???

Hahaha,but its okay...
once in a life?
maybe???
kekekeke

This is not the reality I wanted ;;

Lol. Ahh...Nikki Nikki Nikki, I think your subconscious is trying to tell you something. I have to admit, it's always weird to have a continuing dream, especially if you have fully woken up before falling back asleep. Also, I'm glad there are others who dream in full technicolor surround sound too. When I mention scents and exact colors and sounds everyone looks at me like I'm crazy and asks what I ate before bed. Lol. I like your husband's response, he's a good man. :)

I could do without the technicolor dreams. I can remember how he felt like!!!!!!! My hands "know" his body and it's so damn fucking disturbing. Of all people...Jaejoong. Seriously?

Yeah my husband is definitely a good man. He still can't believe it's Jaejoong lol! He's the only one I've told in full graphic every single droplet of sweat detail to and his face was hilarious as hell. He really couldn't believe it was Jaejoong OTL

OHH MY GOD...UR HUSBAND'S REACTION IS JUST EPIC....LMAO...
but i rly wish i had dreams like that...teheee...:D :D

My husband is Jaejoong bias. He still can't figure out how this happened and neither can I hah!

"so you cheated on me with Jaejoong? Jaejoong? Not Yunho? Jaejoong?"

^HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. wow. just wowwwwwwww. your dream.
i dreamt about Jaejoong once when i was thinking about Yunho right before i slept. zzzZ and i have gone crazy too. mwahahahaha. it's kinda sweet and naughty but not like yours to the extreme level :]]]

Mine was extreme of extreme. I can remember what his balls feel like.

It's disturbing ;;

And I was reading a contract for work before bed SO NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING! Fuck.

At least you have wet dreams of Jae. I don't even have him coming to mine....wahhhh.....

And I had him coming three times in mine hah!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Now I just died again from the memories...

...so it was a sad dream :(

Poor Jaejoong. I hope he never feels so lonely in real life that his sisters worry he'll do something. I think he meant it sincerely when he once said that he wanted to live with his members even after he got married...

It's really interesting though, how you continued dreaming the same dream, even though you woke up a lot. I've never known anyone to do that. And it was so detailed :) Someday, you gotta be published. I can see it now. Book tours and signings ^_^

And your author's note. Your husband's a hoot :D

Thank you.

Published? For dreaming continuously?

Yeah my husband is Jaejoong bias and a riot OTL

It was kinda sad. He was shy and sweet and a little melancholic but he could laugh and smile at the same time. It's hard to describe. I still can't believe the dream happened tbh OTL I just wish my brain would forget it but I can't seem to. It's almost like that dream I had with them on the plane. I still can remember that dream clearly too like I lived it OTL Madness. I want normal forgettable dreams without DBSK!!!

I never dirty dream of Yunho :-/ I did once but Jaejoong was there lol and the one part I remember clearly from that dream was me bouncing in Jaejoong's lap OTL

I'm with your OH.

"so you cheated on me with Jaejoong? Jaejoong? Not Yunho? Jaejoong?"

I just can't have carnal thoughts about Jaejoong even though he's my favourite. It's Chunnie that I do the horizontal tango with in my dreams.

Mine is usually Changmin. I'm happy to see most of you agree with my husband and think this is nuts hah! JAEJOONG? REALLY? OTL

And my husband has all the carnal details too lol. So he's extra perplexed at the fact that it was Jaejoong.

i was want to ask you how your husband reacts and i kinda guessing he will said it like that! lol bc i'm thinking the same too! i was like "eh? it's about Jae? not Yunho? really?!" bc i was expecting the dream you have is about Yunho before i read the story

this is funny.. and about the dream going on when you woken several times. it's a common to me.. it's happened to me too hahahah

but you are so lucky you have met Jae! and three times with not so normal position?! daebak Jae!!! he learned it from Yunho!!!! LOLOLLL

oh for you to know too.. maybe you don't know, but i'm a Jae bias. but i never dream about him. i only have this one dream about Yunho and Changmin. lololllll they came to my house asking for a glass of water!!! OTL

anyway, i hope your dream about how Jae feel heartbroken or when he said they are on break is not really happen.. sobs

oh man why I don't dream about jj ? all I dream is about exams :/ I want to dream about yunjae :;;;I hope jj and yunho are happy in real life your dream was kinda sad ;;;;;;

Edited at 2014-09-23 04:53 pm (UTC)

What a dream :O I know Changmin has featured in several of them, but this is a first for Jaejoong.

Poor Joongie, so heartbroken over Yunho. I bet you brought him a lot of comfort in your dream Nikki :D

LOL, the only dream I've ever had is of Jung Yunho sitting next to me on an airplane and me trying not to hyperventilate and die. xDD

Edited at 2014-09-23 05:21 pm (UTC)

what an interesting dream... & your husband's reaction..lol!

i once was lucky enough to have a dream where yunho was in it, but sadly it didn't last very long :/

Oh wow! Maybe he spirit travels. I've only dreamed of the boys once and it was him. I woke up and red-haired Jaejoong was lying asleep in my arms. It must be a year ago now and it's just as vivid. I treasure it and have woven it into the plot of a story I an to write.

The man is magical. Thanks so much for sharing this with me.


*plan to write. ... If I ever finish the one I'm working on.

aaah! I envy your dream. hahaha! I was smiling the whole time while reading this. Jaejoong is my bias and I dream about him sometimes but just up to the boyfriend level. hahaha!

In reality, I would really like to be his drinking buddy or something.