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...innocence is just an illusion...

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Unrequited - MooTak [drabble]
Ok, so again, no title and since the other one is already called MooTak I had to make one up for her.

Continued from the previous drabble MooTak so you might wanna read that before reading this.


'What do you mean? You haven't been hurt again, have you?' Kyungtak's eyes widen in alarm and he rushes to get up from his seat to Mooseok's side.

Mooseok watches as Kyungtak's hands pat his once-injured side gently, his eyes flickering over his face, watching for any sign of discomfort.

'No, Kyungtak. I'm okay. Relax.'

His hands rise to grasp Kyungtak's wrists, halting them in their path. He notices a red band on Kyungtak's left wrist, a camellia flower designed imprinted upon it.

Kyungtak looks at him worriedly.

'But you.. in pain? What do you mean?' The concern is clear in the other's eyes; the only thing that has made it possible for him to come this close to Mooseok in a long time.

Realisation dawns on Mooseok, another crack appearing on the surface of the shield around his heart.

'You really care for me, don't you?'


Joseon men are raised as prides of their families; expected to pass on their family names, live up to or better their families' reputations and ensure their bloodlines remained clean and untainted. This meant marrying educated and capable women of the same social standing, earning a honest living, unless one was a noble-person which then meant studying hard as a scholar or in loyal service to the King. And of course, bearing children. Kang Mooseok was the nephew of the Prime Minister, and thus he belonged to the latter category. He was an exception because in addition to his scholarship, he had also excelled in swordsmanship, and so by royal appointment, became the King's personal guard. A rarity in a class whereby most noblemen were not expected to work in direct service to the King.

Kim Kyungtak had risen up from the middle-class, excelling at the royal examinations and streamed into the medical class, whereby he received training under the previous royal physician, Park Junchun. Due to his natural gift for quick and accurate diagnosis as well as ability to cross-adapt different treatment methods for complex ailments, he was soon earmarked to replace Park Junchan when the latter retired and left the palace.

Mooseok had always been actively focused on his duties as both a noblemen and the King's guard. As was the norm for Joseon men, he expected to leave the choice of his future wife to his only other family, his uncle.

As the court physician, Kyungtak had less expectation to get married while in service. With this knowledge, he had thrown himself into his medical training and duties, quickly rising to become the best doctor in the whole of Joseon.

After Mooseok had spent a year in the King's service, he would reach the eligible marrying age of 24. His uncle called in the royal matchmaker, the day after his birthday.

'Please proceed to make informal enquiries to the noble families of Yin, Go and Shim.'


Whispers had abound in the royal court after Enunch Song had mysteriously disappeared from service one day in spring. The Minister whom he served, had also been dismissed from service and exiled in disgrace.

'What happened?'

'Haven't you heard? Enunch Song and Minister Hwa were apparently having -inappropriate relations-. They were caught one night out in his private gardens!'

'Oh, oh! What a scandal! How embarrassing for the Minister's family!'

'I know, his poor wife..'

The silence lingered long and heavy between the two, tension as thick as butter.

Kyungtak felt as though as his heart would beat its way out of his chest.

When had this happened?

He had read of such phenomenon in his books, in the literature of the Japanese samurais and the old Chinese dynasties but never, never had he thought it would or -could- happen to him.

He had liked girls and figured he would spend his life with one eventually. But these, these feelings of closeness with Mooseok were something entirely different. He hurt when the other hurt, he worried when the other was out on one of his trips and he had found himself looking forward more and more to his visits.

As he tried to figure out his feelings and distance himself, he found himself -missing- the man. Missing him too much when he was trying so hard to avoid him.

He despaired silently at himself. He could -not-. He would lose everything. Even Mooseok.

The sword buzzed through the air as Mooseok cut through his fourth straw bundle.

'Either someone has pissed you off badly or you're in love.' A cheery voice boomed out beside him.

Mooseok cursed as he startled at the last part of the sentence and his sword only managed to cut through half the fifth bundle. He turned slowly, to face his good friend, the noblesman, Lee Ha.

'You startled me. And no, i'm not mad.'

'Ah, in love then?' Lee Ha winked as he fanned himself against the heat of the afternoon.


Lee Ha took a long studious look at Mooseok who was staring at his half-cut bundle, sword hanging limply in his hand.

'Bullshit. Only 2 emotions can make you come out and practise swordplay on such a hot day. Anger or sadness. You say you're not angry so you must be sad. And knowing you, only someone whom you care about can do this to you. The last time I saw you like this was when Inhwa...'

'Stop.' Mooseok's voice was cold.

Immediately, Lee Ha knew he had gone slightly overboard with the mention of Mooseok's dead sister. After her death to measles, Mooseok had soon entered the King's service and put himself at daily risk, carrying out the King's highly-secret and dangerous missions, as well as protecting the King.

'I'm sorry. I just... Listen, whatever it is. Let yourself feel it. It's only human. You're human.'

The question lingers in the air between them, hanging heavy amidst the silence.

'Let yourself feel it.' Lee Ha's words echo in his head as he drops his eyes to where Kyungtak's hands were gripped within his. The other, not pulling away yet, although his hands were tense and clammy.

Kyungtak glances away, unable to lift his head.

'I do. I mean. I'm your friend, I care for you as friends do.' Words unsaid, muffled in the depths of his throat.

Mooseok sighs and lets go of Kyungtak's wrists.

What am I doing? He is a man, and so am I. My brother, my friend. Nothing more. Don't hurt him. A burn simmers in his chest at the thought.

Kyungtak feels an inner singe at the loss of Mooseok's hands on his wrists. Swallowing, the lump of emotion at the back of his throat, he cannot bring himself to have eye contact with the man beside him.

Nodding as a response, Mooseok hurriedly gets up to leave. He does not know exactly what he had hoped to achieve and prays that he did not just make things with Kyungtak worse. He needs time to figure things out. Figure the weirdness in his heart out.

Kyungtak watches him in confusion.

'Mooseok.. I'm sorry. Have I upset you?'

'No, no. It isn't you. I'm the one that's sorry. We're colleagues and friends. I must be tired and wasn't thinking straight. Sorry for my outburst. I have to go. Farewell.'

Kyungtak feels his heart throb achingly, in recognition of the other's reflection of his own confusion and inner turmoil. He watches until the door slides close behind Mooseok, strangely feeling like he is watching a part of himself walk out.

'Mooseok ah, what do I do? What can I do?'

NN: WAILSSSSSSSSSSSS WAEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Can we move this to Japan? Joseon is too uptight for my sanity :-/ And bloody hell if the noble house of SHIM produces a willowy beauty by the name of Jangmi to throw a spanner in here I think I will chew on your leg ok? I know she looks hella hot in a red qipao-like outfit but QIPAOS DON'T EXIST IN JOSEON OK SO NO JANGMI. I cry... IDK what to do I was reading this and my heart kept hitching and I was clutching at my spoon with my chocolate pudding forgotten ;;

I WILL THROW MY SPOON AT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHOCOLATE PUDDING AND ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Normal readers don't mind me... I guess this is my "comment" hahahahaha! OTL

Poor boys....knowing that they can't go beyond and indulge in forbidden love.

omggg I hope she keeps continuing this drabble *_* I'm really in love! <3

I love this! Agree that in those times these stories always end up in angst! /dislike!/

Dear anon please make it a happy ending! I don't care, affair fic? Heh
YunJae I mean mootak must be together!

Please ~~~

the NN is too cuuuuuuuute. hahahahahahaha

I had the same thougt with you Nikki
Go family 》 Go Ara
Shim family 》 Shim Jangmi
Yin family 》 no idea...

But it so sad coz both of them love eachother but suffering too...

I hope you plan on seeing those star crossed lovers through cause I want to take them to Japan too and have Them living their happily ever after.
P.s. Chocolate pudding yummy XD

Aish...this uptight Joseon..its really very sad that two persons have to supress their love bcoz of the society.
I hope ur friend is continuing this story coz I am so into it..:)

Ooh... Yisabel's My Eden is playing now. Think I need something less haunting to listen too!

this is breaking my heart!!!

I love this and I'm so excited for the next part.
"And bloody hell if the noble house of SHIM produces a willowy beauty by the name of Jangmi to throw a spanner in here I think I will chew on your leg ok? I know she looks hella hot in a red qipao-like outfit but QIPAOS DON'T EXIST IN JOSEON OK SO NO JANGMI. I cry... "
<<<< I feel you i feel you :)))))))

Omfg when I read "noble families of Yin, Go and Shim" my immediate thought was, "Shim...? Shim Jangmi?" That'd be a serious twist right there looooool.
Ugh so many feels-- poor bbys, hey obviously have feelings for each other but Joseon's just too asdlkfjasdl ;A;

Thank you for continuing the drabble, Anon! I'm seriously praying for a happy ending with the way things are going.

Edited at 2014-10-05 05:55 pm (UTC)

Forbidden love loses a lot of its appeal if getting caught might mean getting killed or exiled.

I see this going badly ;;

Thanks to your friend. It's very well done.

oh god.. no more words can describes how i love this....

*picking up the pieces of my broken heart*