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...innocence is just an illusion...


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Nothing Else Matters
YJ01
beeswaxing
Title: Nothing Else Matters
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG
Length: Drabble
Genre: Non-AU
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story.

Summary: That Mooseuk death scene hurt many Yunho bias fans, but there is no greater Yunho bias in the world than Kim Jaejoong.
AN: Well, this is from the same non-AU as Love Is A Battlefield, but it can absolutely stand alone and you don’t have to read them together. Ok, not as long as a Nikki-drabble but not a drabble drabble either. This is an in-between drabble OTL

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“Hyung? Are you filming?”

Yunho adjusts his cap under the hoodie, pulling the hood closer around his face as he slow jogs towards the lift lobby. He can feel a few curious looks sent his way, his height and frame standing him apart, but he doesn’t pause to give them a closer second look.

He heaves a sigh of relief when the elevator opens conveniently just as he reaches it, and the empty carriage is a welcome view as he quickly jogs right into it, hitting the button for the penthouse without even bothering to turn and look. He uncharacteristically ignores the call from someone outside to hold the lift, willing the doors to shut quickly and the metal box he is in to move.

“Hyung?”

“I’m here, Junsu. What’s wrong?”

“Are you filming?”

“No. Look, I’m in the elevator and you might cut out.”

“And I’m in Jeju and you better not cut out.”

Yunho’s eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t comment on the uncharacteristic burst of emotion from the normally poker faced Xiah Junsu.

“What’s wrong, Su-ah?”

“Jaejoong hyung is upset.”

“Why do you think I’m in an elevator instead of at filming?”

“You cancelled filming to go and comfort hyung?” Junsu’s tone is suspicious, and rightly so.

Yunho laughs, shaking his head though he knows Junsu cannot see him. The lift reaches it’s destination with a quiet chime. Junsu hears it and is momentarily distracted by it as he crows about being right and that the phone call didn’t cut out.

“You know I didn’t. They didn’t need me for any scenes tonight.”

“You mean any scenes in the future too, don’t you?” Junsu’s tone is dire, and practically accusatory, and this causes Yunho to chuckle again.

“You watched huh?”

“Watched? I was trying to watch but after the first sword cut you, I had a very upset hyung to deal with on the phone and I have no idea what happened after that. I just know that you died. How could you die again?!”

“I didn’t die,” Yunho rolls his eyes as he keys in the password on the keypad to a door he sees even more than his own front door.

“You didn’t?”

The hope in Junsu’s voice makes Yunho’s heart twinge.

“I didn’t. I’m at his place now. I’ll call you later ok?”

“He’s very upset, hyung…”

“I’ll fix him.”

“He remembers.”

Yunho hangs up at Junsu’s last words.

He remembers too, which is why the second he got told he was done for the night, he got his manager to drive him in an unrecognizable Kia straight to Jaejoong’s apartment.

The door opens silently, darkness greeting him as the entire apartment is cloaked in gloom.

“Oh Jaejoongie…” Yunho sighs as he kicks off his shoes and shuts the door, making sure the latch is in place for too many people have access to his boyfriend’s apartment and he doesn’t want to deal with unwanted visitors.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” A disembodied voice reaches out through the gloom.

Yunho turns his head towards the voice, somewhere in the vicinity of the living room, but not far enough for the man to actually be in the living room.

“You died in Dr. Jin too.”

“Not like that.”

“Jaejoong, don’t be silly. Come on.”

“Tell me, was that scene very hard to act?”

The emphasis on the word act causes Yunho to pause, as he peers into the shadows, trying to find his normally practically incandescent boyfriend. Jaejoong is glowing so much he might as well not be real.

“What do you want me to say? I’ll say it.”

Broken laughter spills forth, the sound eerie in the darkness of the apartment. Yunho pushes away from the door but before he can, someone comes barreling out of the darkness and slams straight into his chest. He staggers backwards, slamming against the front door, his brain rattling around a little because he hit his head hard.

There is a faint scent of smoke and soju, a familiar scent that intermingles with a soft strawberry smell.

Like strawberry ice cream.

Yunho licks his dry lips as a cold body fits itself against his, clammy hands winding around his neck and hugging him tight. He can feel the wetness against his throat as Jaejoong presses his face against his skin.

“That betrayal, Yunho. You had the same expression the day I finally had to leave. Each slice of the sword felt like I was relieving each moment and it was me cutting you to pieces.”

“You have to stop doing this to yourself,” Yunho murmurs against the soft blond hair tickling his nose. The strawberry scent is strongest here. “Forgive and forget, remember? Why do you insist on torturing yourself with something that happened almost five years ago? Five years, Jaejoongie. Let it go.”

“It was too violent. How did Jihye feel?”

Yunho is unperturbed by the random subject change. He wraps his arms loosely around the back of Jaejoong’s slim body, resting in the small of his back as he nuzzles the man’s hair, breathing him in deeply.

“I forbade her to watch it.”

Jaejoong lets out a watery chuckle as he pulls himself closer, fingers playing with the younger man’s long hair around his nape. “Why didn’t you forbid me to watch?”

“Jaejoongie…” Yunho starts, unaware of the long suffering note in his voice. “I have a better chance of telling the tide not to come in than to forbid you from doing anything. Your curiosity will overcome any command I can ever give you, and then when you watch it, you’ll blame me for making you curious enough to watch it. I can’t win, so I decided not to tell you. I’m damned if I warn you, and damned if I don’t.”

“Am I really that difficult?”

“You’re lovely. You care, and you feel too much some times. I wouldn’t call you difficult, but every day with you is definitely interesting and different.”

“In a good or bad way?”

“I’m here, aren’t I? I don’t even get a kiss for rushing all the way over here to comfort you?”

“You had no filming to do because they killed you,” comes the grouchy retort.

Yunho laughs then, muffling his laughter against his boyfriend’s fragrant hair, he hugs the slighter man close, hugging him tight. “I love you, martyr tendencies and all.”

“It was awful,” Jaejoong’s voice is still suffocated, tears once again clogging his throat as he remembers. He rubs against Yunho, trying to get closer, but closer is never close enough.

“I know…” Yunho pushes away from the door, steadying Jaejoong who sways on his feet, before he bends over to lift the blond man easily into his arms.

The choked squeak makes Yunho smile in the darkness.

“Put me down! Your foot!”

“My foot got nagged into submission by both you and Changmin. It knows very well what it can and cannot do, and right now, it can most definitely see us both to the bedroom.”

“Yunho!”

Yunho chuckles as he strides unerringly towards the bedroom. The darkness is not a hindrance for he has the whole apartment mapped out in his mind. His steps are firm and confident, but his body is tingling with awareness from the innocent way Jaejoong is still playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. The ticklish feeling morphs into something much more adult, but he tampers it.

The bedroom door is ajar, lit by the bedside lamp, and the dim light shows Yunho how upset Jaejoong truly was. Doe eyes are red-rimmed, and even his nose is red. He clicks his tongue at the beautiful man, leaning down to gently lay him on the bed.

However, before he can straighten, he is tugged down by strong arms, and he lands rather heavily atop Jaejoong, not at all expecting to be pulled down.

“You’re squishing me,” Jaejoong groans, even as he tightens his hold, not allowing Yunho to move away so he can stop squishing him.

“I think you want to be squished,” Yunho remarks fondly as he rearranges his legs, settling between Jaejoong’s thighs, and pressing a kiss to the blond’s nose. “Your eyes and nose are so red Jaejoongie. Were you really so upset?”

“It was horrible,” Jaejoong’s eyes fill again, shaking his head as he tries to draw a breath. “From the start to the end. Why did they have to make it so violent?”

“Is that what upset you?”

“Yes…”

“Jaejoong…” the unspoken don’t lie to me can be heard without him needing to voice the words.

“Of course seeing you cut down like that hurt like fuck, but…” Jaejoong closes his own eyes, and a tear leaks out the corner of one eye as he pauses to take in a breath. “…your eyes hurt the most.”

Yunho sighs, leaning off slightly towards the side as he strokes the back of his finger up and down his boyfriend’s sharp cheekbone.

“You know what I’m remembering when you look into my eyes in those scenes I’m playing. But you also know full well that I have forgiven everything. I only remember to help in my acting. That is all it is, Jaejoong. Remember that the next time my expression hurts you, because it is never directed at you. Just like your songs are about me, and you need to dig deep to pull those words forth, I have to dig deep to find the emotions I need for this drama. People are commending my acting in practically every article, but if I hadn’t lived through the pain, I wouldn’t have been able to show the pain. That pain made you grow as a person, as it has made me grow. I can’t tell you to stop being upset, because I know you, and you’re going to be upset anyway. Just remember that at the end of the day, no matter how terrible it seems, I will always come home to you.”

“What if—“

“No ifs buts or whens.”

“Not even my butt?”

Yunho’s laughter is quiet, the humor contained, but the rumble in his chest is felt by the smaller man pinned under him.

Jaejoong lives for this man. It doesn’t matter how it looks to the public or what anyone else might think about them or their relationship. Almost five years out of the public eye together but they have never been stronger despite what anyone might think. Speculation is still rife, and Jaejoong has been scolded every now and again for being too obvious, but at the end of the day, their dongsaengs know, and their families know.

That is all that matters.

"I love you, too."









AN: So I miss YunJae… IDK why I suddenly randomly miss them so much but ugh. I do. I miss them like heck.

(Deleted comment)
Oh god IDK how the hell Jaejoong sat through that scene considering how I and a few other Yunho biased people I know reacted. It was too much ;;

WHAT??? So that was all about it?? Yunho died in that drama again? uhuhuhuh.

True enough. Yunho's eyes hurt the most. Like WOW. His eyes say it all. i cryyyyyy~ but this is lovely. really.

i can only imagine...tsk3x. it feels like this is how JJ feels in reality. idk. gaaaaaaaahhhh my feels!

Aigooooo... Yunho said he didn't die :P LET'S HOPE OPPA ISN'T LYING T_____________T

I haven't watched that episode yet but already I feel that you wrote exactly how Jaejoong would react after watching that scene. On one hand, I find it hilarious that Jaejoong would feel that upset about a drama scene but on the other, I can imagine his pain remembering what he did to put that look in Yunho's eyes.

Yunho ... Forever the caring boyfriend. Rushing to comfort his adorable angel ( incandescent being glowing in the dark). That man really has such gorgeous pale skin.


Man, you haven't watched it so don't judge cos I think it was too much personally. It was a hell of a shock the way it was done. At least in Dr Jin and Yawang, we knew the deaths were coming, but this one was straight out of left field like wtf just happened did this just happened holy shit what the hell and a whole string of other curse words. It was really ugh ;;

Jaejoong is forever Yunho's angel to me ;; Until proven otherwise...

I needed this so much. It's been a horrible day and I wasn't expecting a second update because you just posted this morning and you're so busy.

Everything was wonderful. I love that yunho was already on his way because he knew how sad jae would be. I love how you write them. In all your stories. It's like, even though bad things happen, they'll be all right.

I'm gonna go read some of your other stuff now, I think. You are hands down the most comforting writer I've ever come across.

Thank you.

I am busy! Haven't done much work at all today tbh which means i'm gonna be flat out the rest of the week but no matter. It was worth it. I needed a YunJae fix and I needed to put my feels somewhere.

Can you believe that I still feel the urge to write? OTL However now the feels are not YunJae, they're Yunho feels...

That is a serious compliment there. Thank you so much ;; I feel like no matter how bad shit can be, you can work it out. It is doable. I have faith in common sense and the indomitable strength of the human spirit.

You're more than welcome.


nikkiiii~ you are so productive! it's already two fics in 24 hour.
thank youuuuu...
*smooocchhhh*

Don't jinx it!

And you're welcome *3*

i'm glad i stopped watching this drama weeks ago :( the only reason i watched was Yunho, why do they kill him everytime /sobs/ and poor Jae even if they aren't together now i know for sure that that is how he feels, through the episodes i watched it was always Yunho's eyes that taunted me, the hurt, the pain and the moments of joy they all were like the years before, i keep thinking that while Jae is missing the old days and Yunho, it is the later that is broken, he needs a closure to end the pain in his eyes to end that suffocating sorrow, i keep wishing i can do that for them :(
maybe we should kidnap all 5 of them lock them in a room till they make up and tell us that they did and then rent a room for YunJae to make up later ;)

I'm pretty sure they've had their closure tbh. His eyes are basically him acting. He deserves all the accolades that are being heaped on him right now for his acting.

Mmmmm IDK about locking them all in one room. I have a feeling YooSuMin would volunteer to be evicted from the room to leave YunJae alone hahahaha!

Instead of studying for my finals, i was reading this and your other drabble and gaaaaaah </3333 ;; idek why but today, i kind of miss yunjae too :(( tbh, ive seen a lot of yjs missing yj today on twitter lololol if i didnt know better, i wouldve thought today is a Reminiscing/Missing YJ Day 😂😂 anyway, i hope you'd continue to write more from this au! I love Yunho and Jaejoong here ♥

Edited at 2014-10-08 08:07 am (UTC)

Maybe there's something about October 8 lol. Definitely Missing YunJae Day for me OTL

This is non-AU! But I know what you mean hahaha. We'll see. I have a terrible feeling my next update won't be as welcome lol!

I also missed them these couple days and thought that maybe by watching their old videos would relieved the pain but noo ;____;

it was also the reason why I haven't watch NWJ but there were already sooo many spoilers I think I wouldn't watch it. I couldn't. but idk.

thanks for this in-between drabble. I hope you finally can finish your works.

have a nice day, miss nikki n__n

I stopped watching YunJae videos in 2012 i'm sure lol. Nothing good ever came out of it ;; NWJ started off promising, then it started to make no sense. By ep10, nothing had happened and I was seriously WTAF. However, Yunho is literally the only good thing about the whole drama and I watched it for him. Seriously, well worth it. But now, IDK. He's still alive! But yeah, we'll see what next week brings.

Thank you and you too! As for my work, I think i'm done for the day. Time to see my kids!

I have not watched yunho's drama or any of the boys except I miss u from yoochun and I am glad I didn't because I would cry anyway thanks for writing this :)
ps: still miss these two and I am kind of suprised because I barely miss anyone . I am way too deep in the game.

Edited at 2014-10-08 08:22 am (UTC)

Yeah I hardly miss anyone either except my husband. Terrible huh? IDK how or when they wormed their way under my skin :-/

YunJae makes me smile like nothing else. I miss them too!
Thank you for this Nikki :)

You're very welcome! They make me smile and want to throw things at walls within seconds of each emotion so IDK hahahaha OTL

what happened in the drama? is yunho's character died?
i find this funny, i mean jaejoong upset because of it, kind of childish but it happened to me everytime my fave character died or my fave couple split up haha

Yunho is alive for now as far as I know.

not watching the drama, but your drabble/fic is great as always ^^ no matter what happen, YunJae is so sweet ♡ I really miss them...

OMG!!
Yunho dies... AGAIN!?!?

Now I am debating on whether to see the drama.
I don't want to be crying buckets of tears.

Even reading this makes me sad.
So I know how Jaejoong feels.

Well, he's still alive at the end of the episode but that scene was pretty damn traumatic.

I'M REALLY TIRED OF OUR OPPAS DYING IN DRAMAS OMFG THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss them too! And DB5K. ):
It seems impossible when you say to yourself that it's been 5 years since the break up. 5 YEARS! D':

Long time, huh? Look at us now...

arghhhh...i was supposed to study for my mid term....now my mind is not processing these words...damn u yunjae..:( :(
anyways that was sooo sweet..i might get diabetes..hehehe..
i haven't watched the drama yet..but if this is true then i am not going to watch it..:(
ohh how i wish i had a loving boyfriend like yunho..
thnks for sharing nick..hope ur muses keep flowing..:)

I've written three YunJae fics in 24 hours. I put my kids to bed half an hour early so I could write OTL But this happens so rarely I don't feel bad haha.

Well, today's muses were not just Jaejoong but Yunho too and Yunho just fucking killed me. KILLED ME. I died.

Nevermind...this is Nikki's ghost speaking.