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Between a Rock and a Hard Place
YJ01
beeswaxing
Title: Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG
Length: Oneshot
Genre: non-AU
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story.

Summary: What’s a man to do when he has two pouting beauties pursing their mouths at him?

AN: So…this is the same non-AU verse as Always Be My Baby lmao. You know what’s coming I guess. It’s just unadulterated fluff because my ask.fm was cheerful and I’m so dopey on meds that everything is sunshine and rainbows and maybe a little crack. Hey, I’m on meds ok OTL Seriously, the words that came out kinda bewildered ME so don’t be surprised if it’s weird. I’m writing with medicated lenses on. I still have no idea what happened...OTL

YJM3








“Hyung! I’m home!” Changmin puts his shoes neatly on the shoe rack, eyes narrowing when he sees another pair of shoes that most definitely does not belong to the owner of the apartment. He stares at the pair of Louis Vuitton ankle boots that Yunho did buy, but it wasn’t for himself.

Wrinkling his nose, he straightens up, hitching his backpack higher on his back, he walks stealthily into the depths of the house, his eyes and ears both out to take in any stray noises or sights that indicate to him that he should beat a very hasty retreat.

Even as that thought enters his mind, he scowls and shrugs it off, grumbling to himself. “Oh, hell no.”

He has more right to be here than that other man.

It doesn’t stop him from being careful though, eyes peeled for hurriedly discarded clothing or anything like that. His ears are like mini radars and he is barely breathing as he creeps through his hyung’s apartment like a cat burglar, tip-toeing past the lounge and towards the kitchen and bedrooms in his thick woolen socks.

In all honesty, Changmin is more than a little aggrieved at this unexpected visitor. They’re only back in Seoul for two days before needing to fly out to Japan and after making the rather wise but sad decision of not accompanying his friends to India, Changmin has been looking forward to catching some real sleep.

So real sleep means sleeping with Yunho.

It’s not his fault that they spend more time with each other than without.

It’s not his fault that he’s gotten so used to having Yunho around that he only sleeps properly when the man is near.

And it’s certainly not his fault that he’s going to have to kick an annoying short man out of the house and possibly have his hyung grouchy with him about it but hey, everyone has to make sacrifices here.

Changmin had to sacrifice his trip to India in order to be well rested so Yunho hyung can jolly well be a team player and take one for the team and sacrifice a night (or two) with his annoying boyfriend who always turns up at the worst times.

“Min?”

A high-pitched screech echoes throughout the apartment, echoed by another slightly huskier scream.

“What the fuck?” Changmin is clutching his chest, willing his racing heart to calm down as he stares at his topless hyung.

Not that hyung. The annoying one. The one who is about to get kicked out.

“What do you mean what the fuck? You’re the one squealing like a girl. I almost poured hot soup on myself!”

“More’s the pity you didn’t because then, you can spend the night at the hospital and I can sleep in peace.”

“Take that back!” Jaejoong steps forward, waving the bowl of hot soup menacingly at the snarky brat he practically raised from childhood. “Ungrateful wretch.”

“No!” Changmin growls, and his tummy echoes his words, rumbling rather loudly.

A knowing glint enters the older man’s eyes as he holds his bowl closer to his bare chest but not quite touching because the soup really is bloody hot. He’d only just finished cooking it.

“Hungry, Minnie?”

“No,” the maknae replies, glaring at the older man, but again he is thwarted by his treacherous belly which rumbles even louder than before.

“Your belly is talking to me.”

“You really have some sick thing with bellies. My belly isn’t talking, you dolt!”

“When was the last time you ate?”

“On the plane. We had—“

“The plane!” Jaejoong’s horrified exclamation cuts off Changmin mid-sentence.

The younger man can only stand bemusedly as he watches Jaejoong spinning on his heel and rushing back into the kitchen. He was going to say that he actually ate quite a lot on the plane, but apparently that doesn’t matter to both his belly and his hyung. He wasn’t aware about the lack of sustenance because the company of his friends at the airport was a good enough distraction for him that he’d forgotten that he hasn’t eaten in hours.

Kyuline does that to him.

Sometimes they can play games for five hours straight before Minho complains about being hungry, initiating the domino effect of everyone suddenly moaning about being hungry. If they’re lucky, Ryeowook hyung is home and will make them something. If they’re unlucky, it’s Heechul hyung in the apartment, snapping at them to get out and get some air and to return to someone else’s apartment when they’re done cos he’s sick of having a bunch of kids hanging out in the lounge.

Even Kibum is less ornery than Heechul hyung and that’s saying a lot because SHINee’s Key can be quite finicky too about all the male bodies underfoot in their apartment.

He can have them over to his apartment of course, but he’s always reluctant to do so, mainly because even though these are his closest friends, he doesn’t want them to know that he barely lives in his own apartment. Changmin returns home to clean the house and do the laundry and that’s about it. He comes and goes often enough and is very masterful at distracting his sasaengs enough, that hopefully no one’s the wiser.

No one but this short, irritating man banging pots and pans or something in the kitchen right now.

All his mental grumbling aside, he steps into the kitchen to follow the other man when the smell finally registers.

He takes a deep sniff.

And moans in appreciation.

A sound he couldn’t keep inside even if his life or his pride depended on it.

Kimchi jiggae.

He would kill to have home cooked food that smells and tastes as good as it smells.

And knowing the annoyingly smug man now smirking at him from behind the kitchen counter, he is about to be greeted with a meal fit for a king.

It really is fit for a king.

Or maybe a god.

The leader of the Rising Gods of the East.

“I made kimchi jiggae and japchae.”

“Oh my god…” Changmin takes a step forward, dropping his backpack unceremoniously to the floor that is rather reminiscent of their leader, shuffling forward eagerly towards the counter where steaming bowls of soup and rice await him, along with the rarely made, but always supremely put together plate of japchae, and a bottle of beer.

He is practically drooling by the time he perches on the bar stool at the counter, not even saying thank you as he starts stuffing his mouth full of the most glorious japchae in the history of mankind.

That is not an exaggeration.

Changmin’s exposure to japchae is wide and varied, but nothing has ever beaten his hyung’s when he cares enough to make it. It’s usually his way of telling Yunho he is sorry without saying anything.

Chopsticks arrested between his plate and his mouth, his eyes suddenly narrow at his thoughts.

“Hyung…is this your apology?”

Jaejoong clinks his metal chopsticks against his teeth, putting on the most innocent expression he can manage.

“What apology?”

“For the little bitch fit you pulled while we were in China.”

“What bitch fit?”

Changmin shakes his head at the doe eyed man looking about as innocent as a baby demon.

If demons could look like angels that is.

With his brunette hair framing his pale face, eyes overlarge and shining with…emotion…and lips so red and ravaged…

Ravaged?

Changmin’s eyes drop towards the man’s topless torso.

And he finds exactly what he suspected he’d find.

Hidden in the tattoos in his right shoulder and the larger one below his navel, he can see suspicious red marks that look like—

“Jaejoongie, you left the condom— Whoops!”

Changmin drops his chin and sighs melodramatically into his rice. “You two really didn’t waste any time, did you? Hello, hyung.”

“Errr…” Yunho, topless himself, looks between his boyfriend and his partner.

“I guess he’s already accepted your apology.”

“What apology?” Yunho’s brow furrows as he walks into the kitchen, giving Changmin a wide berth, and hugging Jaejoong from behind. He kisses a snow white shoulder and perches his chin on it, gazing at his maknae curiously.

“Changminnie thinks I made japchae as an apology for my alleged tantrum earlier in the week.”

Yunho frowns, staring at the bent head of the youngest. “Changdol-ah…we made the japchae together. He has nothing to apologize for. It was a disagreement. Everyone has them.”

Changmin lets that pass, knowing there’s no point harping on the issue. To Yunho, the sun rises and sets in Jaejoong’s ass and there really isn’t anything anyone can do or say to convince him otherwise. Instead, he concentrates on the food and trying to get Jaejoong out of the house.

“How domestic,” he chews out around a his mouthful of rice and japchae, raising his head to look at the couple looking at him curiously. He sniffs, drinking his soup straight from the bowl, before dropping it and the utensils he is holding. “I hate to break up your little playhouse routine but he can’t stay tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Because I need to sleep.”

“And why can’t I stay?”

“Because you leave used condoms in places where your poor dongsaeng can find them, that’s why! Don’t you have a drama to film?”

“Not tonight. Why can’t you sleepover tomorrow?”

Changmin rolls his eyes, taking a really deep drink of his beer, downing half the bottle before he pops his mouth off and belches rather spectacularly.

“Classy, Min. Very classy,” Jaejoong chuckles, grimacing a little when a whiff of that burp hits him. Waving his hand in front of his face, he stares expectantly at the youngest who merely shrugs, taking another sip of his beer before placing it on the counter.

“Perhaps you’re too old to remember, but we have a rather crazy schedule and neither of us have been able to get more than a few hours of sleep. I plan on getting my full eight hours on both these nights thank you very much so you can just get into your lambo and drive yourself home.”

Jaejoong wrinkles his nose. “I know your schedule for the next two weeks and it clashes with mine. Tonight’s the only night I have free.”

“Tough shit.”

“Changmin!” Yunho’s voice holds a warning note that the two other men automatically differ to.

The maknae knows he has gone too far, deciding to use the final weapon he has left.

His pout.

Trying to look as forlorn as he can possibly manage, Changmin pouts at his hyung. He even adds a little tremble to his lower lip as he speaks quietly, “But hyung, you promised…”

Jaejoong growls under his breath even as Yunho sighs, the leader hugging his lover tighter as he stares at the pouting brat.

The oldest can see through the youngest easily enough, especially since it was he who taught him that damn trick.

But he also knows that if Changmin is speaking the truth, Yunho will not go back on his word.

Especially not to Changmin.

Given a choice between breaking his word to Changmin for a promise made later to Jaejoong, the lead singer knows Yunho will keep his earlier promise.

“You’re really going to hold me to it? Even if I ask for a raincheck?”

Changmin doesn’t say a word, the pout he is holding is making his face hurt and his eyes smart as he tries to hold them as wide and as endearing as possible. On a normal day he’d try to coerce his hyung into another promise for the one he is making him forgo now, but Changmin really needs to sleep and he is honestly just a little put out that Yunho had forgiven Jaejoong so damn quickly too so he’s standing his ground.

Jaejoong notices the sheen entering Changmin’s eyes and he gives in, sighing just as melodramatically as the kid had done so earlier.

“Alright already. Cut it out. You don’t have to cry for him to let you stay. You can sleep here, ok? But I’m not going anywhere.”

Changmin makes a face. “I’m serious about the condoms, hyung!” He resumes eating his food, returning Jaejoong’s baleful glare with one in kind.

“No condoms!” Yunho blurts out.

“That’s even worse! Then there’ll be leaks everywhere!”

“No condoms means no sex, oh my god! Are we really having this conversation?” Yunho steps away from Jaejoong, rubbing the heels of his hands to his eyes as he leans against the fridge, squealing in shock at the cold steel meeting his bare back.

Jaejoong face palms.

Changmin snorts, spraying rice everywhere as he laughs. “That’s three for three.”



“What do you mean you’re sleeping here?”

“Where the fuck did you think I was sleeping?”

Jaejoong waves his arms in irritation, gesturing towards the door. “The spare room?”

“Are you crazy?”

Yunho ignores the two bickering men, stepping between them to head to his bed. Dressed in red flannel pajamas, smelling like toothpaste and vanilla from his shower, he just wants to sleep. Those two can argue all night for all he cares. They both wanted to stay? They both can work it out. He knows better than to get involved. This is one fight he will never pick sides on. He’ll have neither or he’ll have both. He can’t have one or the other, it would turn into World War Three.

The last time he picked a side, Changmin refused to speak to him for a week.

Then he tried to make it up to him.

And he had to make friends with Mrs Palm and her five daughters for a month.

Yup, he’s staying out of this fight.

He picks up his iPod from the bedside table, flicking it on and finding his sleep playlist. Sticking the earbuds into his ears, the noisy twosome are drowned out by the soothing sounds of Above & Beyond’s acoustic album. Glancing at the sleep mask by the bedside table, and turning back to look at the still bickering twosome who look like they’re miming since he can’t hear them, he decides that he will probably need the mask, so he grabs it.

Yunho crawls into the middle of the bed, sticking his iPod under his pillow, he pulls the covers up to his chest and places the sleep mask securely over his eyes, laying down and sighing contentedly.

Then he starts to count.

He reaches twenty-six before a proprietary hand in the vicinity of his thigh shakes him gently.

He ignores it, starting his counting all over again.

He gets to eighteen before an earbud is pulled out of his left ear.

“Hyung, make him sleep in the other room! Your promise to me was that I could sleep with you in peace. I’m not going to get any peace with him here!”

Yunho sighs, sitting up and pushing the sleep mask up as he glares at the two men staring at him.

Both are pouting.

God help him.

He sits up properly, glancing right and left, from one luscious pout to the other equally—

Wait, no, rewind.

From one pout to the other.

There.

He pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head slightly to clear the fog in it. Seriously, how does anyone manage to think when they have two gorgeous men pouting at them?

Oh wait, no one really gets to have these two pouting at them at the same time. They should consider themselves lucky to have even one of them pouting, not to mention both.

“Jae, baby, remember when he had the sore belly that time and you flew over in a mad rush?”

Jaejoong looks over at Changmin whose pout becomes even more pronounced at Yunho’s words. “Maybe,” he allows.

Yunho glances over at Changmin. “Changdollie, I didn’t promise you peace. I promised you could sleep with me.”

“The peace is understood,” comes the disgruntled reply.

“And that night with your sore belly, you had a peaceful sleep, didn’t you?”

Instead of answering, Changmin’s entire countenance turns into one giant pout.

It’s pretty hilarious to see the lanky, topless, almost twenty-seven year old behave like a child, but like a child he is. He curls up, sitting cross legged on the bed, arms folded across his chest wearing such an exaggerated pout that Yunho has to resist the urge to chuck him under the chin and ruffle his hair and coo at him being so cute.

“Well?” Jaejoong asks, poking Changmin in the side. “I do recall you practically purring in your sleep, and when I stopped rubbing your chubby belly, you’d wake and pout at me. I didn’t sleep peacefully at all that night but I know you did.”

Changmin straightens instantly, pointing at his eight pack. “My belly isn’t chubby!”

“It was back then,” Jaejoong doesn’t even bother looking as he moves alongside Yunho, tugging the man’s arm to drape around his shoulder. He hugs him as they both look at the sulking maknae.

Changmin narrows his eyes at both his hyungs, before he smiles.

“I don’t like the look of that—“

“Ok! We can sleep like that night. Hyung, you can rub my belly.”

“There is nothing wrong with your belly,” Jaejoong protests, shaking his head.

“No, but I got to sleep peacefully,” Changmin counters. “Don’t you want me to sleep peacefully?”

“Where the hell did he learn to be so manipulative?”

“Takes one to know one,” Yunho mutters under his breath.

Jaejoong turns sharply, staring into his boyfriend’s eyes. “What did you say?”

“Nothing…nothing, I didn’t say anything. Look, we all need to sleep. It’s past midnight and no one is going to be getting eight hours of anything if we don’t sleep right now.”

And with that, Yunho unwraps his arm from around his boyfriend and slinks back down into a prone position. He pulls the eye mask back over his face, deciding to use his own weapon of last resort.

“Both of you sleep. Now.”

Leaderssi has spoken.

Jaejoong and Changmin glare at each other over Yunho’s still form.

The staring match goes on for a few minutes.

“Which part of now didn’t the two of you get? One more minute of this and I’m sleeping in the spare room and both of you can keep each other warm with your glares right here. Do you understand?”

“Yes, hyung,” Changmin replies somewhat contritely, but very much mockingly. “Go get the light.”

“You get the light. You’re closer.”

“But I’m already lying down!”

“Thirty seconds.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Changmin grumbles, getting off the bed to turn out the light.

Yunho feels a warm body lay a top him immediately, and he can’t help the rueful smile. “Jaejoong…don’t be a brat.”

“But I sleep the best on you,” comes the sulky little reply.

“Hyung! Get off him!”

And with that loud exclamation, Yunho tenses for the holler he knows will come as Changmin shoves Jaejoong off him.

The lead singer tumbles off alright, and tumbles straight off the bed for Changmin is a lot stronger than he remembers, Jaejoong narrowly missing hitting his head against the bedside table.

And boy does he howl.

Changmin, who in the dim light, had seen what he’d almost done is completely contrite.

“Ok, ok, truce truce. I’m sorry, hyung.”

“You’re a fucking ass you know that?” Jaejoong is loud and more than a little mad as he rubs his hip, climbing back into the bed. “I did not raise you to be this fucking rude, god help me. If you were younger I’d spank you for that stunt you just pulled. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m well within my rights to throw you out of the room!”

“Enough!” Yunho practically roars, really at his rope’s end with the two of them. He loves them both to death but dear god if he doesn’t get some sleep soon, he might murder them both just to get some peace.

Ok, maybe not, but the sentiment definitely translated to his singular word and both the oldest and youngest hear it.

Changmin and Jaejoong lay down at lightning speed.

Yunho exhales loudly, mentally counting yet again, trying to find his happy place.

He hits only six when they both move with a synchronicity borne from years of habit.

Changmin against Yunho’s shoulder and hugging his arm like it’s his own personal pillow.

Jaejoong sliding down, his ear over Yunho’s heart and soft hand caressing his belly gently.

A hand that moves lower and lower, pulling a reluctant sound from the back of Yunho’s throat.

Changmin moves immediately, slapping away at the other man’s hand and replacing it with his own hand.

Yunho’s eyes pop open in shock, grateful, yet not, for the sleep mask covering his face.

“Changmin, I’m going to pretend that your hand isn’t on my cock.”

The hand disappears as if it has touched fire.

A quite chuckle is the only sound left in the room.

Within a few minutes, all three are sleeping soundly, exhausted from their respective busy days, but relaxed enough with each other to fall asleep almost immediately.











AN: La la la la laaaaaaaaaa I’m highhhhhhhhh on medication. Love me if you wanna! I wrote this in less than two hours (3,600+ words). It was madness. The words came easily but I was scratching my head through most of it. Mianhaeeeee OTL

I see what you mean about crack lol...I don't think I've ever read something like this from you before xDD
I had such fun reading it omg. I laughed my way through the whole thing. Thank you so much Nikki, and get well soon!!

Hahahaha I think The Tattooist can be considered part cracky tbh. I know I certainly laughed a lot writing that one too OTL This one was more like…omg Nicki what are these words coming from your fingers…why won't it stop…am I hallucinating…

OTL

Oh thank you for such a great one-shot! Just amazing))) really for Yunho it is kind of tough to deal with two pouty cuties )))) and I love all their dialogs and behaviour . So realistic and I can easily imagine them doing like this )))

OMG its really make my day...
Thank you for this lovely funny story..
The last part when Changmin touch Yunho really make me laughing hillarious..

“Changmin, I’m going to pretend that your hand isn’t on my cock.”

I howled.

OMG! OMG! OMG!
Changmin got to touch yunho's cock! I want to! *pout*
XD

This is amazing. Poor Yunho.

Rofl.  Such a cute verse, its nixe to go back for a visit.


LMFAO..it made my day..xDD

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hahahah it had been ages since i last read fanfics and this one made me laughed well <3 thanks for writing~

I'm glad you are feeling better.

Lol poor yunho he turned into a body pillow. Hehehe.

isn't they only want to sleep?? it's so HARD indeed.. LOL .. damn! suddenly can't stop thinking how delicious Jung Yunho is.... Oh god!! save me or Jj will killed me.. XD

bwahahahha i'm high on sugar... this crack is just bwahahahahah

Don't understand why Min needs to sleep with Yunho like he is gay or something.

Yeah I don't get it either. I'd kick anyone's ass who tried to pull off that b.s. with my boyfriend. Maybe she is trying to do some weird threesome thing without being specific.

"Changmin, i'm going to pretend that your hand isn't on my cock." LMAO!!!

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