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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...

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Love In The Ice [18a]
Title: Love in the Ice
Pairing: YunJae/JaeHo
Rating: R
Length: Chaptered
Genre: Non-AU, mild angst, fluff, romance
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story. I wish I had YunJae and if I had my way, they'd move to New Zealand so they can be married here.

Summary: A script for a new mini-series is left in Yunho’s apartment by his manager, and as he reads it, he becomes more and more intrigued. Unbeknownst to him, one of the leads has already been cast, and the contracts signed. When he too is cast in the project after expressing interest in the part, he gets the shock of his life when he arrives for the script reading to be faced with a person from his past. Someone that he has spent years trying to pretend never existed. How will they be able to get through filming this without killing each other? Or worse…

AN1: I needed to clear my head, so fair warning. Btw, this is fiction and I know a lot of you believe things worked out one way or the other based on whatever it is you’ve heard or whatever. This is by no means fact. It is just an outlet for me so do remember that when you read. I’m tired of all the near constant fighting in fandom and I need my happy place. This was written while in my meetings this morning and it's only lunch time right now OTL

AN2: Oh and if you’re a new reader who has never read ICE, I really think you should because I will make a few references to it without actually spelling it out because the assumption is that everyone has read ICE and are familiar with the plot…

“Why are you holding out on me?”

Yunho, who is thoroughly kissing every delicious inch of pale skin he can get looks up from the hollow of Jaejoong’s neck, his expression quizzical.

He nuzzles against the older man’s chin, nibbling along the sharp jawline towards that wonderfully sensitive ear. “I’m pretty sure no one would call this holding out.”

Jaejoong pouts, pushing the leader away. “You know what I mean.”

The smile he gets for his churlish words is warm, and despite how he feels, his pouty expression turns sheepish under the luminescence that is Yunho’s smile. Quarter knowing, quarter teasing, half loving, not even Jaejoong’s sexual frustration can hold out against the beauty and brilliance of that smile.

“Fine…” Jaejoong mumbles, wrapping his arms around Yunho’s neck. “I’ll take what I can get.”

“I knew you were smarter than you looked.”


Changmin is on the phone to Yeon Hee who is already in Gwangju. He is running his hand through his hair over and over again as he listens to what his on-screen “girlfriend” is telling him, the agitated movement not lost on the two hyungs in the room who know him best.

Everyone is packed and ready, though the door to that bedroom has yet to open. No sound has come forth from it though, unlike in the wee hours of that morning, but no one is guessing or assuming anything. Junsu is the most nervous of the lot, bouncing around the expansive rooms, trying to help everyone with the tidying even though they could probably have left the suite in whatever state they wanted. Junsu though, has Yunho in mind, and when he’d mentioned that particular fact, Changmin had laughed uproariously.

”Have you forgotten what Yunho hyung is like?”

That stung.

Yoochun had seen the crestfallen expression on Junsu’s face at Changmin’s careless words, but he knew the maknae hadn’t meant anything by it. It really is simple fact.

Yunho is not, and has never been, the neatest human being ever.

Tugging the singer to sit with him at the piano, he plays a quiet tune that Junsu picks up immediately.

Changmin looks up at the tinkling of the keys, staring at the two bent heads, Junsu leaning against Yoochun, head resting lightly on the man’s shoulder, his weight not hampering the man’s beautiful playing at all.

Ah In and Joong Ki recognize the song, but they don’t understand the lyrics that Junsu is singing quietly.

“Changmin? Changmin? Yah, dongsaeng!”

“Shhhhh…” Changmin whispers quietly into the phone. “Listen.”

Keep in mind that I love you…

“Where’s my hoodie?”

Jaejoong doesn’t look up from his phone, brow furrowed so deeply as he reads and re-reads the message sent hours ago. He is wearing Yunho’s missing hoodie, hearing the man calling out from the living room as he looks for it. He can hear the high pitched laughter of their main singer, and an unfamiliar bark of laughter that is more than likely from Ah In. He can hear the masculine amusement in Changmin and Yoochun’s voices, and Joong Ki’s raised voice, an embraced squeaky note within it that tells of a tawdry conversation no doubt.

All this should warm him.

But he feels cold.

The cold hand of fear has wrapped its insidious fingers around his heart and it is squeezing him.

Is Fate playing a cruel joke on him?

Is he about to lose it all again?

And most importantly, does Yunho know about this?

Dropping his phone into his pocket, Jaejoong wraps arms around himself, unable to hide the apprehension in his eyes as he walks out to join the rest, that cold hand squeezing his heart with every heavy step.

What welcomes him, stops him short, all but gasping at the pain of what he stands to lose standing right before him.

Junsu is clinging to Yunho like a bereft koala. God only knows, ALL the members used to act like this with Yunho, and the man encouraged it more often than not. Perhaps not in public, but certainly in private. Both arms around the taller man, he is retelling a story to the enraptured Ah In and Joongki about an unfortunate incident with a hairstylist noona back during their Tri-Angle days.

Yoochun and Changmin too are arm in arm, both shaking their heads, the horror of the memory very clear upon their faces, both of them trying to shut Junsu up, but not quite committing to it. Their attempts are feeble at best, more out of habit at thwarting and irritating the main singer and dancer more than anything else.

“It’s like they were trying their best to make me look stupid!”

“I thought you looked rather pretty,” Yunho offers, though he is silenced instantly by Yoochun’s howl of laughter.

“Hyung, I don’t think you noticed anything besides Jaejoongie hyung’s nipple piercing during that era much less the lesser manga princess here. It’s the only excuse I can think of for your woeful lack of sense when you thanked our stylists and hairstylists, while having what can only be described as a rat’s nest on your head.”

“Dark days,” Yunho chuckles, before coloring slightly. “I actually did that on purpose,” he admitted sheepishly. “On hindsight, it was rude, but I was just overwhelmed at the occasion.”

“Sure, you were,” Changmin shakes his head, chuckling along with his hyung. Straightening, he looks past Yunho’s shoulder and sees Jaejoong frozen in the doorway, and his laughter dies abruptly. “Shit.”

“You know.” Jaejoong’s voice is hoarse as it meets the maknae’s worried eyes. It isn’t a question, rather a statement.

“He doesn’t.” Yoochun cuts in hastily, stepping from Changmin’s arm and walking towards the shell-shocked older man. “Hyung, he doesn’t know. We were going to tell you both together, but I guess we got distracted.” Yoochun is speaking rapidly, a warning tone in his voice.

Jaejoong hears it, but all he can see in his mind are the words he just read on his phone.

Kimdaejung Convention Centre, Gwangju

“What’s going on?” Yunho is by Jaejoong’s side, wrapping an arm around the shaking older man, a tender hand tilting up the lead singer’s face to his as he gazes into swimming doe eyes.

Terrified doe eyes.

He pulls Jaejoong’s slight body flush against him as he turns questioning eyes to Yoochun. “Why is he like this? What’s going on?”

Yoochun opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. He knows what to say but he doesn’t know how to say it. When his fish act stretches to several seconds, he turns urgently around for help, but Changmin is there before he even manages to ask.

“I think both of you should sit down.”

Yunho lets out a nervous laugh at the expression on Changmin’s face, but when the maknae’s expression doesn’t change, he sobers up.

The one man he trusts implicitly and without question, something transpires between the two tall men of TVXQ and Yunho moves.

No one else wants to meet Yunho’s eyes as they shuffle to the large couch. The thudding of his heart is getting louder, and he wanders if Jaejoong can hear it the way the man is pressed so close to him. Their shuffle isn’t unlike barely a couple of hours ago when he dragged the older man back into the bedroom, and the air is fraught with tension, none of it sexual.

Settled into the couch, Yunho leans back to gaze up at five concerned eyes looking back down at him.

At them.

Most of the eyes are on Jaejoong.

Jaejoong who is clutching the front of his teeshirt.

Yunho can feel Jaejoong’s nails through the material and they are marking him right where his heart sits.

Changmin is the only one who hasn’t looked at the lead singer for even a second.

“We’re going the Kimdaejung Convention Centre for our final press conference. Today.”

Yunho cocks his head staring up at the expectant faces. “And?”

Jaejoong sits up immediately, turning to look at Yunho, disbelief in his eyes, the complete opposite to Changmin’s reaction, whose tense body relaxes at Yunho’s simple question.

“What do you mean, and?”

“What’s the problem?” Yunho asks, genuinely curious and maybe even a little confused. He feels like he’s missing something.

“What’s the—“ Jaejoong shakes his head, moving away from Yunho a little bit more, waving his hands agitatedly. “Do you even know where it is?”

“Gwangju,” Yunho replies simply, staring at Jaejoong, taking in the man’s nervous movements.

“And you don’t see the problem?” the beautiful man demands, voice high with emotion. “You don’t see the problem? Even Changminnie knew when he told us to sit down.”

“That was more for your benefit,” the youngest mutters under his breath, eyes not leaving his hyung.

“Why would there be a problem? The convention centre is a good venue for a press conference, unless they intend on making you sing, then in which case I’d suggest something less rock and more mellow because you’d probably deafen everyone since it only seats 3,000 and I don’t think the acoustics are quite ready for Mine.” Yunho pauses. “Or something similar since you can’t sing Mine,” he amends.

Jaejoong stares at Yunho as if he’s grown a set of horns.

In fact, five men are staring at Yunho like that.

Only Changmin seems increasingly unperturbed.

“You really don’t think there will be a problem?“ Junsu asks hesitantly. The one most apprehensive about their reconciliation is the one converted the quickest, after being in Yunho’s presence. Friends for the longest out of all of them, Junsu felt the separation keenly, but refused to acknowledge it because what was the point then? Needing to find his own direction for years and to forge his own way, finding that he settles so easily back in viewing Yunho as the leader is both disconcerting and bittersweet. If Jaejoong isn’t strong enough to go through hell for Yunho, then Junsu will willingly do it for him.

If only to atone, he will do it.

But he will do it anyway, out of love.

A love forgotten for so long that when it seeps back into him, holding fast, looking into the steady eyes of U-Know Yunho, Junsu is happy to be where he is, and support the man the best way he can.

The softening of Yunho’s gaze when he looks at Junsu strengthens the younger man’s resolve even more. Yunho was a hard task master when they were younger, and there were times when he resented how much Yunho drove them to be the best even when they were barely coherent from want of sleep and food. Yunho was always there, with them, ahead of them, behind them, being whatever each of them needed him to be in order to get through it.

But he was always the leader, maintaining order with an iron fist in those early days.

Junsu resented it at the time, but after the separation, finally learned to appreciate that the way Yunho was then prepared him for the lonely trek they had to make as three. Yunho’s strength and determination has a twin in himself, more so than in Yoochun or Jaejoong who was inconsolable for many a month.

Yunho shakes his head minutely, smiling gently at Junsu till the man loses his worried expression. “This is 2013,” he answers simply.

The scoff from Jaejoong at Yunho’s words elicits a sharp retort from a surprising source.

Micky Yoochun.


The harshness of the word is surprising, and no one is more surprised than Yunho when Yoochun steps forward, grabbing Jaejoong by the wrist and yanking the man up, all but dragging the singer into the bedroom and slamming the door behind them.

The silence throbs at the heads of those present.

Joongki can definitely feel a migraine forming behind his left eyeball.

Ah In looks around the room, before moving towards the sidebar, following quickly by Changmin.

“I need a drink.”

“Make mine a double.”

“What the hell is the matter with you?”

“It’s Gwangju!”

“So?” Yoochun replies sharply. Yes, he is worried as well, but Yunho’s reaction was unexpected, and after spending the night with Changmin, he’s remembered that the maknae is only relaxed when he knows everything will be ok, and the maknae was definitely relaxed.

Or relaxing.

Close enough anyway.

Changmin takes his cues from Yunho.

And Yoochun will follow suit without question.

Jaejoong tries to get past Yoochun who is standing in front of the door, but his purported Soulmate shoves him back.

“I am not letting you leave this room until you calm the fuck down.”

“I am calm.”

“The hell you are! You’re terrified and I don’t blame you for it, but you need to trust him.”

“I do trust him.”

“No, you don’t.” Yoochun sags against the door as Jaejoong steps back. “If you did, you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and rubs his brow tiredly. How did he get this job? “Changmin trusts him. Junsu trusts him. I trust him. But you…”

“I trust him,” Jaejoong whispers, hugging himself eyes closed, hunching over as if to protect himself from the onslaught he knows will come.

His hell.

No, you don’t.

The voice taunts him.

This is getting tiring Kim Jaejoong. You’re like that stupid girl in that stupid vampire movie. Your emotions are giving everyone whiplash, and even your best friend has had enough. Remember last night?

Jaejoong shakes his head, trying to shake the voices from his mind.

Trust him not to hurt you. And above all, trust in his love for you because this is Yunho. The bright-eyed boy so determined to do well, and to prove to himself and his family that he can do it. The boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders, who would willingly bear more for those he cares about. The boy who would willingly bear anything for you, his hyung.

Do you remember now?

The singer drops to his knees, the tears falling freely from his clenched eyes. The terror holding his heart is firm, and the words in his mind are bludgeoning him.

Protect him from this insecure insanity of yours, Kim Jaejoong. Protect him or open up to him, because if you don’t do either, you will destroy him, and with it, yourself.

“N-no.” Jaejoong shakes his head, unaware that Yoochun is next to him, crying with him, for the pain that Jaejoong is feeling is palpable to those close to him.

Yoochun doesn’t know what to do. He knows the only thing that will fix Jaejoong is Yunho, but Yunho is also part of the reason he is this way.

A beautiful vase, once shattered and put back together, is never the same again.

And if he shatters one more time, there will be no coming back from that.

Yoochun takes a deep breath, willing his own tears to stop as he holds onto Jaejoong, wrapping arms and legs around the older man as Jaejoong starts to struggle.

He’s been here before, and he cannot let Jaejoong keep doing this to himself.

He holds on to him and even though he isn’t the praying type, he prays for a miracle.

He prays that today will not be the day that his hyung burns.

Your heart is still hurting. Why won’t you take the chance to soothe it?


The small luxury bus is quiet save for the occasional murmur by someone or other. The mood is quiet and a tad sombre, everyone unconsciously taking on the mood of the morose JYJ lead singer.

Changmin doesn’t even try to snap Jaejoong out of his funk. The king of guilt trips is seated between Yoochun and Junsu, exchanging stories about the SM idols. Every so often, Yoochun’s eyes will stray to the back seat, but a huff from Changmin brings his attention back immediately.

They are all worried about the singer, and yet, all of them are also feeling varying stages of confusion as to why Jaejoong just cannot seem to see.

Yunho isn’t worried.

How can he miss that particular fact?

He’s too blind to see anything beyond himself, is Changmin’s thought.

Yoochun’s is filled with apprehension as to Jaejoong’s state of mind and what he might do.

Junsu is just perplexed because he is in the honeymoon phase of having Yunho back, and his leader can do no wrong.

Joongki and Ah In are seated at the very front of the luxurious bus compartment, as far away from the five idols as they can possibly get.

“I feel like I’m being suffocated,” Ah In admits quietly, tugging at the collar of his shirt and the tie he is wearing, eyes gloomy as he stares out at the passing scenery through the heavily tinted windows.

Joongki nods, lifting a hand to gently push Ah In’s hand away as he loosens the younger man’s tie for him, unbuttoning the first two buttons of the man’s shirt when he is done. His expression is contemplative, blind to the strange expression on Ah In’s face from his wifely ministrations.

“Jaejoong…he gets like this sometimes. When we go out drinking, he’ll be happy and affectionate, and then something sets him off and he becomes quiet and closed off.”

“He hasn’t been drinking though.”

“That wasn’t the point,” Joongki chides Ah In who had interrupted him before he could finish his explanation. “Jaejoong’s mood spreads very easily. Whether he’s happy, sad, or angry, it spreads like wildfire. It’s a skill that I have never experienced in anyone else.”

“A skill?”

Joongki chances a peek at the silent man at the very back of the bus, before turning his eyes back to Ah In, his voice dropping to barely a whisper.

“Skill may not be the right word, but I know Jaejoong is smart and I don’t doubt for one second that he’s never used this particular ability of his out of spite, but he is definitely aware of the affect he has on people.”

Ah In is silent, thinking about what Joongki is saying, playing back on his experience with the man.

“You’re right, but I don’t think he is aware of it all the time.”

“Yunho hyung is always aware though.”

Yunho is in the back, ignorant to all these thoughts about himself and the older man, leaning against the window and looking across to the occupant of the other window seat.

Jaejoong has sunglasses firmly in place, and he is gazing away from him.

The sunglasses are thick and very dark, the heavy wraparound kind that doesn’t afford Yunho even a glimpse into the eyes of his lover.

His lover.

They are heading to Gwangju, and he is still calling Jaejoong that, even though they haven’t yet truly consummated their relationship once again.

Yunho knows what the problem is, even though no one has said anything. Jaejoong’s mildly explosive reaction, not to mention Yoochun’s red-rimmed eyes when they finally emerge from the bedroom is telling.

He has yet to be able to look into Jaejoong’s eyes, but he knows it will look like Yoochun’s, or worse.

His phone rings, the sound obnoxiously loud in the bus, and he scrambles quickly to free it from his pocket, not bothering to check who is calling since it is his personal phone.



Yunho’s countenance changes instantly, sitting up, he turns to face forward, hand rubbing his cheek and jaw and he presses the phone closer to his ear.

“Eomeoni,” his voice is neither softer nor louder than his initial greeting, but it is definitely more respectful.

Jaejoong’s head snaps up instantly.

The conversation is largely one-sided, with Yunho mostly nodding and agreeing.

Not once he glances at Jaejoong, even though he can feel the man’s eyes burning into his profile.

Even Changmin, whose hearing is tuned to every nuance that is Yunho, has unashamedly moved closer to listen.

He is followed by Junsu and Yoochun, both of whom are trying to listen and watch Yunho’s facial expressions, as well as keep an eye on their unpredictable hyung.

Yoochun in particular has managed to slip between Junsu and Changmin and settle himself in-between Yunho and Jaejoong in the backseat.

The low growl from the singer at having his view temporarily obscured doesn’t go unnoticed, but Yoochun ignores his friend, sidling closer to the man, more than ready to put his body on the line should it become necessary to prevent Jaejoong from doing anything stupid like lunge across the seat to strangle Yunho or something similar that he will no doubt regret.

“Awww, that would be nice! I miss the brat.”

Junsu smiles at the affection in Yunho’s voice and the man’s open and carefree expression. However, when he turns towards his other hyung, his smile dies a miserable death.

Jaejoong’s jaw is so tight, he could probably cut through diamonds, his plush mouth pressed so tightly, gone is the luscious pout that he is well known for, so complete is the tension in his body that it immediately translates to Junsu.

Yunho’s easygoing conversation fails to deflect the waves of strain and stress coming from the other side of the back of the bus.

Changmin takes one look at Jaejoong and rolls his eyes, huffing loudly, settling in the seat immediately in front of Yunho and muttering none too quietly about drama queens.

Junsu, torn between his loyalties, eyes both of his hyungs, and then his very favorite one trying to play referee in the middle. Yoochun’s martyred expression brings a ghost of a smile to his lips, and he makes his decision.

The some time musical actor settles in next to Changmin, on Yunho’s side of the bus.

Joongki and Ah In watch from the vantage point at the front of the bus and both of them come to the same conclusion at the very same time.

“We’re staying here.”

“I know you’re worried, but you need to trust me.”

Junsu and Changmin exchange glances, both more than a little curious at the longer than usual one-sided phone call.

“You know I cannot promise that.”

A strange sound comes from Jaejoong’s throat, somewhere between a death rattle and a choke.

“Eomeoni…whatever will be, will be.”

Yunho listens in silence for a full minute. Changmin, Junsu and Yoochun are all close enough to be able to hear the tinny sounds of the voice talking on the phone, and yet none of them can make out a single word.

The leader’s expression gives nothing away, and Yoochun in particular is quite impressed by the man’s newfound skills in that particular department. Not even his eyes betray his thoughts, those warm almond eyes are empty of irritation, impatience or sadness. They’re just…normal.

“I cannot promise anything. I will not, eomeoni, please understand. I will do my best, but I will not change anything because you know it has to come from both sides. Please be patient.”

Another long minute of one-sided conversation, and this time Yunho cracks a smile.

Jaejoong’s breath catches in his throat, this time so quiet that only Yoochun notices his intake of breath.

He takes his soulmate’s hand, squeezing the cold and clammy hand in his equally cold and clammy hand, not really offering anything more than the very basic form of comfort.

“I don’t know if that will ever happen, but it lightens my heart that you even thought about it. Thank you.”

A few more seconds, and then Yunho says his goodbyes.

The smile is still lingering on his face, when he hangs up, turning to his very rapt audience.

“Well?” Changmin is the first to speak.

“Well, what?”

“Hyung…” Changmin’s tone turns wheedling.

Yunho makes a tsking sound, before answering his maknae. “My mother and sister will try to come to the press conference. Their workplaces heard about it before they did, and offered to give them the afternoon off to attend. My mother is not sure if she will come, but Jihye is definitely coming.”

“Is that all?”

“What else is there?”

“It was a rather long conversation.”

Yunho shrugs, his eyes on Jaejoong. “She was just confirming a few things.”


“Whether the drama really is what I told abeoji it was,” comes Yunho’s surprisingly matter of fact reply.

“You told your father?!” Jaejoong’s outburst is loud, startling even Joongki and Ah In all the way at the front.

Yunho’s expression turns serious. “Did you really expect me not to? Considering what this drama is about and how everyone is going to see me. To see us. Do you really think I wouldn’t talk to my father about it?”

However, in this instance, even Changmin is taken off guard.

“You seriously spoke to him?”

“It was a rather long conversation,” Yunho admits, acknowledging Changmin’s silent question with a nod.

Yes, Changmin, he was eventually ok with it. Your hyung can be rather persuasive when he believes in something.

Yoochun is in awe. “I haven’t even told my brother and you’ve already told your father. Hyung, you’re my hero.”

Awkward silence for a few seconds at his words, that is punctuated by familiar broken laughter.

“I-I…I haven’t even t-t-told m-my d-dad,” Jaejoong manages to speak in between laughing. “At least he l-l-loves yo-you. Oh this is too much.”

His laughter turns in the blink of an eye, and the hitching gasp of impending tears has Yunho standing up immediately.

Yoochun ducks out of the way as Yunho sits next to Jaejoong, gathering the shaking man in his arms, moving such that within a minute, Jaejoong is sitting firmly in the safety of his arms, Yunho’s whispers so soft and private against the skin of his sweaty temple as he soothes him, that not even Changmin’s super hearing can make out the words.

And it most certainly isn’t for the want of trying.


“Why do they have to make him up like that? He looks even colder than usual.” Ah In’s voice is low, practically a whisper, as he drinks in the reflection of Hero Jaejoong in the mirror.

Stunning is an understatement.

Breathtaking might be closer to the truth.

And absolutely take no prisoners cold that icicles form when you look close enough.

“He wanted the blond hair.”

“He is so beautiful…” the almost wistful lilt to the younger man’s voice doesn’t go unnoticed by his friend.

Joongki rolls his eyes at his besotted castmate, elbowing the gawping male. “Have you really never seen him like this? Don’t let Yunho hear you.”

Ah In shakes his head, still unable to look away.

Yoochun watches the duo from a distance, chuckling to himself as he eats ramyun with Junsu and Changmin.

“One more down for the count.”

“I pegged him for a Yunho groupie.”

“He just turned for Jaejoong hyung.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Junsu adds loyally, taking in his hyung in all his cold and haughty perfection. The stylists are a far cry from their Tri-Angle days, and they have done a real number on Kim Jaejoong.

Hero Jaejoong.

The ice cold beauty is even inch the jaded rock star if only in his expression.

Jaejoong’s expression as he stares at himself in the mirror, is a mask.

I will hurt you before you can hurt me.

That terrifying refrain has been playing in his head over and over. It is a Hero trait. His character that is.

But Kim Jaejoong is hiding behind his character on that late spring afternoon in Gwangju, the place where he sealed his own fate by a misunderstanding that ended up laying the groundwork for an even bigger misunderstanding.

There are no more misunderstandings.

Yunho’s soft words of love, holding him on the balance of their journey to Gwangju, managed to chase away most of the voices in his head.

The warmth of his touch banished the cold hand of fear around his heart.

The captain of Anyang Halla is nowhere to be seen. In fact, Jaejoong hasn’t seen him since before everyone had left to go onstage for the press conference, leaving him alone backstage in the dressing rooms with the coordis and the other stylists fussing around him.

Hero Jaejoong was never meant to be at the press conference.

In all honesty, Jaejoong is very thankful for that respite because he has no idea what manner of ill-bred reporters might be in the audience. He knows he will be unable to hide a reaction should anyone even mention a hint of their real selves. Gwangju is too raw for him to guard his response, and it is for this reason that he did not kick up even the smallest of fusses when the PD told him about the plan.

Everyone will be on stage.

Hero comes later, to close the press conference with one or two songs of his choice depending on the time they have left.

Anything he wants.

English would be preferable.

And especially; nothing from his album.

There is a commotion and Jaejoong hears Yunho’s voice, the sound bringing forth his first smile in hours.

The singer shrugs away the coordi, thanking her quietly before standing and turning.

His movement is slow, having been seated for so long his body is half asleep, but Yunho’s appreciative gasp is more than enough impetus to cause him to move a little faster.

A welcoming smile on his lips as he looks up to meet the eyes of his love, but instead of Yunho, his eyes land on a familiar face that he hasn’t seen in years.

The smile flickers on its edges, and the anxiety starts to creep up on him, but a quick glance to Yunho shows the man smiling encouragingly at him.

A smile that dies in the very next second.


“I am not going to lose my son because of you.”


The silence in the room is deafening.

No one dares to move.

No one even dares to breathe.

Yoochun closes his eyes, the tears coming so readily, so instantly, the sympathy he feels for his hyung almost drowns him.

Changmin is beyond shocked. He can’t even more even if his life depended on it because he just cannot believe what he just heard.

Junsu…poor Junsu, the only one still capable of moving as his head turns back and forth from Jaejoong’s face to the face of the newcomer who has said those words, not quite understanding.

He doesn’t want to understand.

Yunho hears his mother’s words, but like Junsu, he doesn’t understand, and like a dutiful son, he remains silent, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Jaejoong is in stasis, frozen, as his eyes meet Yunho’s increasingly apologetic warm almond eyes

There is not going to be a hero for Hero.

The singer pulls himself up to his full height, complete with his heeled shoes, making him a good head taller than Yunho’s mother.

The sneer that breaks across his beautiful face is startling because it does nothing to detract from his inhuman beauty.

It just serves to enhance it.

Yunho’s hoodie that he has worn since that morning slips off his shoulder, exposing his sharp collar bone with porcelain skin so fair, so white, so fragile.

He doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t have to.

The pain within him, he carries like a badge, and everyone can feel it.

Everyone can see it.

Once again, those he is closest to are witness to a pain that no one should ever bear even once in their lives.

And he’s had to bear it twice.

Jaejoong is in hell.

AN1: Parents/mum/anyone really has done nothing wrong. NOTHING. Capiche? You may not trust where I’m going with this fic, but that’s ok :-)

AN2: My journey and my ride. I started this fic back in 2013 and even though the fic is in a bit of a time warp cos it’s still 2013, it is now 2015 and so many things have changed. One is already in the army, with two more to follow soon, and before I know it, all five will be there. I miss Jaejoong a lot, sometimes randomly and out of the blue. I’m absolutely in love with Yunho and I’m sure you can tell. I also might be more than a little besotted with Changmin, but who wouldn’t be with that endearing mix of snark and loveliness. Yoochun and Junsu I need to get to know all over again, but they’re both beautiful to me and will always be.

AN3: Also, I am more than fucking determined to get the second half out this week so bear with me. I have even blocked out time in my calendar. Pray for a miracle. When oppa leaves one by one, I’ll keep writing to fill that gap because the gap is in my heart and I need it filled. I also need my mind emptied so it works. How did I fall so hard? And yes, this is my happy place. I have issues.

Oh god...one of the reasons I love LITI so much is because of the emotions invested in it. I actually feel a bit emotionally drained. I felt as stressed as everyone else when they told Yunho where they had to go and waited for his reaction...and when his mother called. Gosh.
Another reason I love this story is because of how it also goes into how the other members of DBSK felt about the separation and their emotions...I loved how you included Junsu's point of view in this chapter. The image of Junsu clinging to Yunho like a "bereft koala"...I started smiling at my phone as I read it. It was simply so heartwarming.
I'm a bit nervous about what will happen next, but I'm pretty sure Yunho's mother did not mean what Jaejoong and everyone else thinks she meant. At least...I hope.
Thank you for the update Nikki :) Have a nice day!

Does anxiety issues come as a warning in fics these days?
Why Nicki? Why do you want me dead?

This was....terrifying. Being caught between Yunho's emotions and Jaejoong's....it's hard to breathe. /passes out/

This is beautiful... Good luck to your writing time and work time and family tome balance. We all miss them too :) your fics keep the emptiness in our hearts filled.

Edited at 2015-04-24 02:11 pm (UTC)

Aigoooo... poor jaejoong..
Even yoochun think that jae should't break twice..
And break again he did..
Can't imagine his hurt..

Thanks for updating unni

I think mom means well - let's give her a chance...jj is so fragile with emotions..i hope he can just take a step back and breathe and be easy on himself...can yh save the day if mom being difficult? Aish so many wants and i want more jj's update on twitter n tumblr n instagram...my life returning to normal...no fun..i am rambling i know..ciao..

Thx for the update..

Dear God, you know how to rip a person's heart out!

Yay your back. I missed you.

This story is getting more and more exciting. Now add yunhos parents to the mix.

As for your issues. You are not the only one. For me reading your stories and other stories about them is my happy place. So I have issues to.

Hope you get your miracle like you said. But knowing you. You won't need it. You always pull through. Fighting. !!!!

My heart just shattered into pieces, and I'm not going to be able to think of anything else today.

I know mentally that Jaejoong probably took his mother's comment the wrong way, but the emotional impact is just so... I can't even express it properly.

Nothing ever goes well for Jae, does it?


Reading about him is like experiencing an emotional roller coaster, he's just so temperamental.

Thank you for updating! I hope work is going well.

Edited at 2015-04-23 10:41 pm (UTC)

Thank you muchly Nikki. On tender hooks throughout the read. And now so looking forward to next chapter. Once you get it all off your chest & head, I hope you get plenty of rest & sleep in over weekends. Misses JJ too. Why r there so much photos of Sungmin floating around and none of JJ except for sharing from other private's family?. Hope the 1st Division is protecting JJ by not using him to promote ROK Army. Respecting his privacy. Is there a private coded MSG in his letter to GunHee for YH?. I certainly hope so.

It took me a second reading of the end before I think I understood. I'm going to wait patiently for Part 2.

“I am not going to lose my son because of you.”

"He says that if we will not welcome you into his life we will not be welcome in it either. And because without you he was a shell of himself. So take care of him well. We expect the two of you for dinner."

Oh wow.. I don't know what to say.. Now that Jaejoong has finally face one of his biggest fears, my heart really is hurting for him. While I know that there's no way in the world Yunho would let anyone, not even his mother, hurt Jaejoong in anyway, but still..sigh.. I really hope you can manage to write the second half of this story soon because I'm dying to find out what will happen next. Though, reading your AN, it couldn't be as bad as 2008 right?
And I'm not really sure what you meant by this line :
“I cannot promise anything. I will not, eomeoni, please understand. I will do my best, but I will not change anything because you know it has to come from both sides. Please be patient.”
But I'd like to believe that somehow, just maybe, Yunho's mom had already softened a bit about Yunho's relationship with Jaejoong, and maybe had already learning to try accepting it? IDK, it's just my wishful thinking.. Anyway can't wait for the next update, and I will pray really hard that miracle would happen, and you'd have enough time and inspiration to write this week :p
Thanks for the update Nicki ^^

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Oh god....well not god just aghh kim jaejoong who is going to be your hero ir protector? I guess only him can save himself
yunho is like a good leader but sometimes I think he's scared of making some choices ?
Changminieee is ♡
All parents want the best for their kids even if the kids don't agree with their parents way of showing
Thanks for the update I loved it ^o^thanks fo finding time to write this

Edited at 2015-04-21 01:44 pm (UTC)

I'll be on tether hooks till the next part. I dare not make any assumptions ... I felt as if my skin iced over when Yunho's mum said those words. It could mean something different from what everyone's thinking ... Couldn't it? Couldn't it? OTL