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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...

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Love In The Ice [19]
Title: Love in the Ice
Pairing: YunJae/JaeHo
Rating: NC-17
Length: Chaptered
Genre: Non-AU, mild angst, fluff, romance
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story. I wish I had YunJae and if I had my way, they'd move to New Zealand so they can be married here.

Summary: A script for a new mini-series is left in Yunho’s apartment by his manager, and as he reads it, he becomes more and more intrigued. Unbeknownst to him, one of the leads has already been cast, and the contracts signed. When he too is cast in the project after expressing interest in the part, he gets the shock of his life when he arrives for the script reading to be faced with a person from his past. Someone that he has spent years trying to pretend never existed. How will they be able to get through filming this without killing each other? Or worse…

AN1: Hmmm…it’s that lovely dance of life we all love. Well you REALLY need to listen to this song while reading this… Maybe listen to it first and then start reading… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEfKooMunLI I take no responsibility for how you feel after this chapter though. You have been warned. Credit is on the photo.

AN2: Oh and if you’re a new reader who has never read ICE, I really think you should because I will make a few references to it without actually spelling it out because the assumption is that everyone has read ICE and are familiar with the plot…

Yoochun sees him first.

The audience is still a little stupefied at the singer’s choice of song to notice anything out of the ordinary. Some noticed Yunho’s sudden exit, but Jaejoong’s stage presence is a testament in itself that no more than the people around him saw Yunho stalking off backstage.

The insistent bass of the technically third, but in actuality, second song, starts to play.

In tune to the beat, Jaejoong unbuttons his jacket, and the screams start.

His eyes are closed, swaying slowly to the music, as if lost in it.

He is lost in his thoughts, wondering if he’d gone too far, or just not far enough.

Slowly, but surely, the mere 3,000 strong crowd becomes vocal at every tantalizing exposure of flesh the singer accords them.

The lights start flashing in time to the music.

Strobe lights that would send anyone susceptible into an epileptic fit, turning the auditorium into a high end club in seconds.

Thousands of dollars worth of stage lighting for this one song. No expense spared for this production for the PDs are determined to make sure they get their money’s worth and every single Hero Jaejoong performance is worthy of the big screen, let alone the small screen. No kdrama has ever had the budget they do for something relatively simple, but they are merely doing what they are told.

The intro drags out longer than the original song, but it was done purposefully.

Minimum effort for maximum impact.

All eyes are on Hero Jaejoong in the centre of the stage, caressing his microphone stand the way he would a lover, playing the fingers of one hand up and down the vertical stand, while the other hand dances a tune on the body of his microphone.

In the wings of the stage, Yoochun is conversing hurriedly with Yunho.

“Please be patient with him. He’s hanging on a very thin thread.”

“Thin ice. He is skating on thin ice,” Yunho’s voice is steady and quite emotionless, though he puts particular emphasis on the word ice.

“Hyung, this isn’t the drama…”

Yunho turns to the younger man, eyes glittering in the dim recesses of the deep curtains hiding them from sight. “Isn’t it?”

Screens on either side of the stage are zoomed in on the singer’s face, and when he smirks before pressing his mouth against the head of the microphone, even the reporters forget themselves, caught up in the atmosphere as the auditorium explodes in noise.

This is not the way into my heart
Into my head
Into my brain
Into none of the above

His eyes are still closed, but the smirk is still there, tugging at the corner of his mouth when he sings, though it’s more speaking than singing, voice husky and low.

This is just my way of unleashing
The feelings deep inside of me
This spark of black that I seem to love

His eyes pop open, dark doe eyes, the depth of them absolutely unfathomable and untouchable, as he grabs his microphone roughly and moves away from it, stalking to the front stage like a predator, eyes scanning the audience, not finding his prey.

Balancing on the very edge of the stage, delicately on the rim, only his heels planted firmly on the solid surface, toes catching nothing but air, the singer smirks wider with his head cocked like a quizzical child, he makes the universal sign for insanity with his finger by his head when he sings the next lines.

We can get a little crazy just for fun
Just for fun
Don't even try to hold it back
Just let go

He whips his hand from his temple at the last line, as if casting away whatever it is in his head, taking a step back from the edge to counterbalance the momentum and stop himself from falling off the stage.

One more step back, his eyes land on Changmin’s whose eyes hold nothing but worry.

Worry for him?

No, worry for Yunho.

Of course it is for Yunho.

Everything was always for Yunho.

Even this.

Oh, Kim Jaejoong, I thought you threw away those thoughts?

Tie me up and take me over
Till you're done
Till I'm done
You've got me fiendin’
And I'm ready to blow

He replaces the mic into its cradle, arms swept wide open eliciting more screams from around the audience as his jacket parts widely, the heavy cross necklace swaying against his torso, the black a stark contrast to his pale skin.

Push up to my body
Sink your teeth into my

The invitation is there in his stance, his body, his arms, his eyes, his face, as he tantalizes and teases the audience.

This is Hero Jaejoong.

Bite into me harder
Sink your teeth into my

Take me if you dare.

Take me as I am.

Just take me.

Yoochun stares at his hyung whose head is bent in silent prayer, his ritual before taking any stage.

In the darkness of the where they are, he can see a light.

When Yunho looks up and their eyes meet, for the first time in a long time, Yoochun truly believes.

For Yunho is calm after his prayer, and absolutely resolute.

And in that belief, grows the strength within himself.

We will fight for them.

We will fight for you.

We will fight for us.

Hold me up against the wall
Give it till I beg
Give me some more
Make me bleed, I like it rough
Like it rough, rough, rough
Push up to my body
Sink your teeth into my

Mrs Jung smiles slightly when she sees exactly who takes up the invitation. She doesn’t understand what Jaejoong is singing, but the screens on either side of him hold a translation to the lyrics. She is fully aware of the eyes on her, but she will not frown at any cost. All she can do is let Yunho know where she stands in the matter, and whatever he finally does is for him to decide and bear the consequences.

When the prize is that man on the stage, staring defiantly at the world and continuing to bare his soul despite everything, she can only pray that they will be alright.

A mother only wants what is best for her child, but a mother also knows when it is time to let the child decide what is best for himself.

And her child has decided.

The beat of the bass is practically shaking the venue.

Resounding in the hearts of the audience.

Shaking them from the toes up.

One by one, everyone notices the man taking the stage, his own jacket unbuttoned, tie long gone, his shirt unbuttoned low enough to expose his undershirt.

The screams become deafening.

Even the PDs are beside themselves, hardly expecting this at all.

Hold my hands above my head
And push my face into the bed
Cause I'm a screamer baby
Make me a mute

Coming up by his side, Yunho walks around the singer slowly, former prey turned predator as he never takes his eyes off Jaejoong whose eyes had widened initially at finding the leader onstage with him, but he recovers immediately.

Staring at the man whose eyes are dark and shuttered…there is a warning in them.


Who is in danger?

You put your hand upon my neck and feel the pulse
Beat, beat, beat, beat
It's like a trigger
Getting ready to shoot

Jaejoong continues to sing, but his focus is no longer on the audience.

That heavy curtain of their own making drops down around them once again, blocking out all sound and all presence.

The way they can get lost in each other’s eyes in the middle of a photoshoot with them dead front and centre, recovering belatedly, but the damage is done.

One of the reasons why there was never a duet between them.

Changmin and Jaejoong?


Jaejoong and Yoochun?


Yoochun and Junsu?


Yunho and Jaejoong?

Don’t go there.

Wanna wrestle with me baby?
Here's a sneak little peek
You can dominate the game
Cause I'm tough

Jaejoong is holding onto his microphone, corner of his mouth pressed against the microphone head while he sings.

While he questions.

His other hand is out, gesturing towards Yunho, punctuating each pertinent word he directs at the leader stalking him, that aura of leashed violence is unmistakable in the man’s unsmiling countenance, wearing his Keep Your Head Down, game face.

Game on.

I don't play around that often
When I do, I’m a freak

The lead singer points at his leader, the tilt of his chin is challenging, as he sings the next line.

So you'd better believe
I like it rough

The last line is sung with a voice so low and gravelly, with the final word was sung full of knowledge and promise, and the audience is swept up in it, not even questioning how or why. The sexual implication of it completely unmistakable when he turns his pointing to Yunho into an open palm to the man and then pulling his arm back towards his body.

Are you coming to get me?

Push up to my body
Sink your teeth into my

The audience is literally on the edge of their seats.

Even the cast of the drama are leaning forward, palms sweaty, more than one a little horny.

Torn between staring at Jaejoong whose attention is one hundred percent on the other man with him on stage.

A man who isn’t even dancing as he normally does.

A performer.

And this is the performance of his life.

Yunho’s dominance of the stage is breathtaking.

Circling the man singing in the centre, the strobe lights don’t detract at all from the magnetic presence that forces your eyes to follow his every move.

The way he moves, what he conveys with merely walking, only adds to the impression and vibe he is giving off.


Bite into me harder
Sink your teeth into my

Now, actually doing what Jaejoong is singing would be the height of bad taste.

And yet, the singer keeps on challenging.

He is singing for an audience of one.

Hold me up against the wall
Give it till I beg
Give me some more
Make me bleed, I like it rough
Like it rough, rough, rough

Yunho knows this song.

And he has been waiting for the bridge.

Ending his circle to come up behind Jaejoong, he slips his arm around the man’s waist and pulls his body against him.

The audience are not in any position to react even to that, so on the edge and wrapped up in the scene unfolding before them, the urge to scream is there, bubbling in their throats, but the sounds are strangled. Most, if not all, heard or saw the leap Hero made off the stage at the earlier press conference to run into the waiting arms of Do Hoon.

The question on everyone’s mind is: What is the Anyang Halla captain doing onstage with the rock god? And if this isn’t in the drama…

Yoochun, watching closely from the wings, smiles as the two finally touch. Glancing up at the lights, he narrows his eyes in thought, before running off in search of the lighting director.

Pulling out the singer’s ear monitor, he presses his mouth against his ear, before the current verse finishes.

“I will lay you out on the floor right here if you want.”

Only Yunho feels the shudder of the singer at his words.

Jaejoong grinds back against the taller man, pulling his microphone and stand towards him as he wails the next line, both hands locked tight around the body of his mic to keep from doing what he really wants to do.

Hold me down…

“Is that a yes?”

And make me scream…

“Or a no?”

Lay me on the floor…

Nuzzling against Jaejoong’s ear, Yunho lifts up a hand to pull the singer’s jacket from his shoulder, exposing more pale white flesh for his eyes, forgetting completely about his audience. In all honesty, even if he had remembered, he may not have done any different. His nose follows down the path he has made for himself, lips dragging against the line of Jaejoong’s right shoulder.

Turn me on…

Kissing his way back up to that ear, he runs a hand along Jaejoong’s tense arm, using his dextrous fingers to pry Jaejoong’s death grip on his mic, he frees one hand.

And take me out…

He links their fingers.

His larger hand over Jaejoong’s smaller one.

Front to back.

And the crowd finally starts to scream as they watch U-Know Yunho bringing Jaejoong hand up to the back of his neck.

The screams become louder when he lets Jaejoong’s hand go, dropping his own hand, and yet the beautiful singer’s hand stays exactly where it is, cupping the back of Yunho’s neck.

Make me beg for more…

The music dies, only Jaejoong’s soaring vocals are left, raising to the roof of the venue, dragging out that last word far and beyond the original song.

So much frustration.

So much need.

So much love.

All lust.

Yunho drops his chin, latching onto the curve where the neck and shoulder meet, that image is the very last that anyone sees before the lights cut out, plunging the stage into total darkness, with only the ghost of Jaejoong’s powerful voice echoing in the large auditorium.

When the lights come back on ten seconds later, no one is surprised to find the stage empty of the two leading men.


Jaejoong is giddy, his mind whirling, shouting, screaming, laughing and crying, completely hysterical, but it’s all in his head.

He is being led down corridors, pulled by a strong hand, no idea where the hell he is going but he follows.

His body follows willingly, his heart even more so.

The sudden bright sunlight blinds him, and he stumbles.

A sure arm steadies him, wrapped around his waist as if it’s meant to be there, to always catch him when he falls.

Jaejoong blinks in the bright sunlight, but his eyes don’t acclimatize quickly enough. However, he isn’t worried, for the arm around his waist, and the hand holding his will not direct him astray.

There is a strange buzzing in his ears, white noise that blocks out everything.

His heart is thudding painfully in his chest, and if he concentrates, he can hear the steady roar of it over the buzzing in his ears.

There is an explosion of goosebumps tracking all over his body, his jacket is still unbuttoned, his body still exposed, and despite the sunlight, he doesn’t feel the warmth.

Whatever that warms him comes from a source much closer and much more attainable than the sun in the sky so many million miles away.

Nothing seems to touch him.

Except the feeling of the man next to him.

Something blocks out the sun, and he blinks to find a black van with heavily tinted windows and the door open, beckoning him inside.

“This isn’t our bus,” Jaejoong murmurs, bewildered. Why is he being made to go into this strange vehicle?

“It’s my van. My manager brought it. Everyone else can take the bus. We’ll take this.”

“Your manager? This is an SM vehicle?” Jaejoong recoils, but he is stopped by a firm body behind him.

A mouth presses against his ear. “It’s mine, Jaejoongie. Bought with my money, and the interior done by Changminnie. It’s mine. Get in before we’re spotted by someone.”

It is the endearment that gets him moving, and he scrambles up into the very masculine interior of the van - all leather and dark wood.

Sitting in a plush leather seat, Jaejoong turns to find Yunho entering with him and slamming the door shut.

He stares at him in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“Getting in with you.”

“Shouldn’t you be driving?”

Yunho looks at the glassy eyed man gawping at him, the furrow in Jaejoong’s normally smooth brow showing how anxious he is.

The van starts to move just then, eliciting a sharp yelp from the poleaxed singer whose eyes widen till they’re saucer-like.

Giant doe eyes practically swallowing up his features for it is all Yunho can focus on.

Shimmering dark doe eyes, pupils blown.

“Who’s driving?!” Jaejoong demands, voice pitched, staring from Yunho to the front of the van. There is a pitch black glass partition separating them from whoever is driving, and all he can see is his reflection.

Well, he would see his reflection if he can get his eyes to focus.

All he can see is Yunho.

Yunho moves to sit in the seat next to Jaejoong, not saying a word as he pushes up the arm rest between them, scooping the stupefied man easily into his lap. He arranges the singer, gently moving his limbs the way he wants them to fall and when he’s done, Jaejoong is seated astride him.

The vehicle has a high ceiling, and Jaejoong’s head clears it easily as he gazes down at Yunho, mouth hanging.

The leader doesn’t want to take any chances though, not willing to chance the man hitting his head, and so he lowers his seat, reclining his seat into a semi-supine position.

And still Yunho says nothing, just waiting. He rubs circles on Jaejoong’s thighs, trying to warm the man. He can see how puckered the older man’s nipples are, and while observing that sends a bolt of lust straight to his already heavy groin, he is more concerned about the temperature.

Searching around for the remote to turn the temperature in the vehicle up a few notches, he doesn’t notice when Jaejoong’s eyes clear, and narrow down on him.

The next thing he knows, a hungry mouth is on his, and the temperature goes up instantly.

Yunho’s hand cups the back of Jaejoong’s neck, trying to get some sort of control, but the older man is having none of it, as he rips his hand away and pushes it up over his head, along with the other arm, knocking their hands against the mirror at the back of the vehicle.

Grinding down against him, Jaejoong utilizes his position in full, rubbing their clothed cocks together, he rubs up and down, moaning wantonly against Yunho’s hot and most importantly, welcoming mouth.

Pressing his cool bare chest against Yunho’s warm clothed one, the explosion of heat between them fires him up in a heartbeat, and the grinding gets more insistent.

Drawing Yunho’s tongue into his mouth, he sucks on it, moaning his appreciation sweetly, as his body moves out of its own volition, his mind and heart bedamned.

The body wants what it wants.

Desperation, and controlled lust gone amok is the theme for the day.

Dropping their hands, Jaejoong’s mouth is fused to Yunho’s, offering his tongue in return now, feeling Yunho’s snaggletooth hidden behind his veneers snag against his tongue, the pain a welcome memory, and it drives him even harder, wanting to grab that memory and make it a reality.

Mouth slanted and pressed hard against Yunho’s, breathing into each other as they kiss fiercely, hands grappling at each other’s clothes now.

And yet again, Jaejoong with the upper hand as he fists Yunho’s singlet, and rips it in half, baring the man’s chest.

Yunho pulls away, gasping for breath, eyes wide, mouth rosy.

“No, baby. Not yet,” Jaejoong promises darkly, his mind and heart silenced by the lust blinding him.

His closes the gap between them again, this time pressing his body heavily down, their bare skin touching for the first time since that morning that feels like a lifetime ago, hand fisted in Yunho’s hair as he kisses the younger man, so thirsty for him, like a lost man in the desert finding an oasis.

Their kisses are deep, each taking from the other so much, it’s as if they are trying to take the other right into themselves.

Yunho’s hands are gripping Jaejoong’s ass, squeezing, tightening, reflexively curling down to that crease down the middle, fingers slipping in between to find through the layers of material, that tight pucker he has never ever forgotten.

Jaejoong’s kisses grow more frenzied as he feels Yunho’s questing hand. Driving his hips forward and rubbing them against the very insistent and prominent bulge he even felt while they were onstage, he draws back in surprise at the memory.


Yunho’s lust clouded eyes sees Jaejoong.

Only Jaejoong, as always.

“You had a boner onstage!”

Smiling slightly, Yunho reaches up to tug Jaejoong back down, but the man shakes him off.

“What?” Yunho asks, pouting. “Come kiss me.”

Jaejoong bends over, pressing his mouth against Yunho forcefully, but not opening it, and the younger man whines in protest when the singer sits back up again.

“Baby, tell me, did you have a boner onstage?”

“I was rubbing up on you. What do you think? It’s not like it was the first time.”

“But…we were in Gwangju.”

Yunho growls, leaning up to pull Jaejoong bodily back down. “What the fuck is it with you and Gwangju? You need to stop it right now.”

Not waiting for a reply, Yunho presses his thumb against Jaejoong’s chin and coaxes his mouth open, delving in instantly and pushing his tongue into his mouth.

Jaejoong struggles for a bit before letting his mind and heart get silenced again.

But he’s not about to let Yunho have the upper hand.

Kissing is not enough.

“I want my favorite spot,” he murmurs huskily against the leader’s mouth, the promise in them is loud and clear, and Yunho groans immediately, tilting his chin up to give the older man access.

Jaejoong laves it, kissing and nibbling, delighting at the way Yunho’s pulse jumps when his lips touch his skin, but it still isn’t enough, and soon, Jaejoong is making his way down even further.

Kissing his way down, he pays close attention to the chocolate nipples barely anyone gets to see hardened, licking his way around them, teasing as Yunho squirms in his seat, canting his hips upwards to rub his cock against Jaejoong’s body as the singer slides down between his parted legs.

Every inch of his belly is given its due attention.

Too much attention maybe, because Yunho finally snaps, when Jaejoong kisses just over the rim of his waistband for what feels like the millionth fucking time.

He unbuckles his belt, inflamed by the dark chuckle of his lover when Jaejoong smacks his hands away and takes over.

The zip on his pants have never felt so constricted before, and when Jaejoong reaches in to pull his cock free from the front slit of his boxers, he almost weeps in relief.

Very short-lived relief, because the torment of Jaejoong’s hot mouth is instantaneous.

Having missed this for years, Yunho is unable to control himself.

Jaejoong’s wicked eyes staring up at him, luscious mouth stretched around his girth, tongue laving and head bobbing, Yunho is undone.

Three sucks is all it takes.

Perhaps barely three.

The hot spurts as Yunho throws his head back, practically ripping his lower lip to shreds from the intensity, body arching almost off the seat and thrusting heavily into Jaejoong’s mouth, but the singer takes it all.

His eyes never leave Yunho’s face when the younger man succumbs to his orgasm, the thick taste of it on his tongue, foreign, yet familiar.

And he wants more.

He always wants more with Yunho.

It’s like his thirst can never ever be quenched, but it is only for Yunho.

Always for Yunho.

Sliding up from his cramped position behind the seat in front of them, mouth full of cum, Jaejoong kisses his way back up.

Spilling nothing.

Swallowing nothing.

Starting from a kiss to the slick wet head of his still swollen, yet spent cock, all the way up till he is once again sitting astride the born dancer. He gently tucks Yunho’s cock back into his boxers, but he leaves his zipper undone.

He smiles at his lover, Yunho looking more than a little stunned.

Yunho reaches out, cupping Jaejoong’s cheek, and he returns the smile when the man practically purrs, nuzzling against his hand. He watches as Jaejoong tugs his hand from his cheek and sticks his finger into his mouth.

The leader’s eyes widen as Jaejoong’s mouth parts, pulling his cum soaked finger from his lips as he sticks out his tongue, pushing out Yunho’s cum before he winks, closes his mouth, and swallows deeply.

When he opens his mouth again, it’s all gone.

Yunho is still staring.

There is a drop of cum on the corner of the older man’s mouth.

And his finger.

There is cum on his finger.

Yunho pulls his finger free from Jaejoong, sticking it into his own mouth, reveling in the tang of his own essence.

“The last time I tasted myself, was when I licked you clean…”

Jaejoong closes his eyes, swaying at the memory. The vehicle is moving at a steady pace, telling of a highway, but he could be halfway to hell for all he knows, and he doesn’t care at all.

“Do you taste the same?”

“No,” the reply is quick.

“Why not? Your diet has changed?”

“Not at all.”

“Then why?”

“The only way I want to taste myself, is when I can taste you too,” Yunho replies, slipping his hand behind Jaejoong’s head and tugging the man forward, licking at the stray drop of cum, before delving into the man’s still warm and sticky mouth. “Like this,” his voice is low, before deepening the kiss.

Jaejoong moans loudly into his mouth, hand reaching between their bodies to undo his own belt.

His hand is stopped by Yunho’s, and his groan of protest turns into a wanton moan as the leader makes quick work of his belt and zip.

Yunho’s hand slips into the back of his pants, palming his ass briefly, eliciting another moan that turns into an excited whine as the man lifts him pushing his pants and underwear down together.

Jaejoong is up on his knees, and they continue kissing, making short work as both cooperate to divest him of his clothes.

All of his clothes.

There is no halfway for Kim Jaejoong. Yunho wants it all.

Yunho lowers his seat to a totally supine position. He isn’t worried about his lover being seen because the windows are completely blacked out. No one can see in, and his manager who is driving, knows better than to open the door.

However any doors opening is moot anyway since he can feel that the vehicle is still moving.

Jaejoong’s pale loveliness is what’s important, With the man being on him, Yunho uses his strength to move the lithe beauty. Kissing his way down that diamond jaw, Yunho slowly coaxes Jaejoong upwards as he worships all that flesh that has teased and intoxicated thousands.

Pink pebbled nipples, drawn so tight that Jaejoong’s body actually bows when Yunho touches them with the tip of his tongue.

One at a time.

And the short gasps as his over sensitive body jerks and twists with each kiss and lick.

Each nibble is like a brand, white hot torment across his skin and Yunho moves unerringly towards his prize.

Jaejoong’s cock is weeping so unashamedly, strands of precum are decorating Yunho’s chest and belly.

Yunho stares at one glistening strand, tilting his chin forward to capture it and chase it all the way back to its source, the tip of his tongue dipping lightly into the slit of the singer’s swollen head.

Jaejoong’s legs shudder at the gentle touch, shaking, he grips anything he can hold onto, his moan long and drawn out when Yunho kisses down his bobbing length, teasing, hands pushing Jaejoong up higher and he slides lower to nuzzle and suck at his soft balls.

The older man’s hips cant away, lifting up, his legs shaking even more.

“Don’t play.”

“I won’t,” Yunho replies.

He moves back up slightly, holding Jaejoong steady by the hip with one hand as the other scoops up more streaming, gleaming strands of precum onto his index finger.

“No…” Jaejoong whispers, eyes wide, staring down at the Mona Lisa smile of the younger man gazing up at him with love in his eyes.

Love, not lust.

And Jaejoong recognizes the difference.

Yunho licks his lush lower lip in anticipation, his finger finding that pucker he wants to kiss, but that can wait.

Jaejoong can’t.

Their eyes meet, Yunho pausing with Jaejoong’s heavy cock swaying tantalizing mere millimeters from his lips.

“Fuck my mouth.”

Yunho swallows him down, even as his slick finger breaches the older man’s body, and Jaejoong sees stars.

He doesn’t have to be told twice, his body having a mind of its own as he pumps his hips forward, driving into Yunho’s mouth, but each time he pulls back, he impales himself on the younger man’s finger.

In and out.

Both ways.


Jaejoong comes hard and fast barely ten seconds later, screaming Yunho’s name as he spills his essence down the man’s throat, impaled still on his finger, body shaking, legs giving out completely from the force of his orgasm.

But he doesn’t fall, because Yunho holds him firmly.

He holds him steady.

“He’s not here, is he?”

Changmin turns around to find Yunho’s sister looking around the relatively empty backstage area.

“They’re both long gone. We’re going now. Did you need something? I think hyung should be contactable on the phone.”

Jihye laughs nervously, shaking her head. “It’s ok. I don’t want to call him yet. Maybe I’ll text him.”

Changmin looks at his hyung’s sister closely. “Why wouldn’t you want to call him…yet?”

She blushes, shaking her head even more as she wrings her hands, looking down at the floor. “I…I don’t know.”

”Are you sure you don’t know?” Changmin presses, not sure why he wants to know, but he just feels like he needs to know.

She looks up, eyes large, almost identical to Yunho’s but larger.

“Jaejoong oppa,” she whispers, almost to herself.

She steps towards Changmin, digging into her backpack as she does, pulling out an envelope, and holding it out to him.


“Jaejoong, oppa.” She smiles. “Give this to him. It’s from my mother.”

With that, she bows, before spinning on her heels and disappearing as quickly and as quietly as she had entered.

Leaving Changmin wondering if she had answered his question at all.

“How old is this blanket?”

“Who cares? It’s warm,” Yunho mutters sleepily, holding Jaejoong close, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Who gave it to you?”


“Which hyung?”

“Security hyung,” Yunho mumbles, nuzzling his nose against the fragrant wheat colored hair of his lover.

Jaejoong eyes the blanket covered in cutesy little teddy bears with a critical eye.

And yet, he can find no fault in it.

It isn’t a secret that the huge bear of a security guard is rather fond of Yunho.

And the blanket really does suit Yunho.

Perfect even.

Jaejoong sighs, leaving it alone, tugging the voluminous material higher around him to hide his bare shoulders before snuggling down closer against Yunho and wrapping his arms around him.

“You ready to sleep, yet?”

“Jung Yunho, I am sitting naked in your lap, and the door to your van can fly open at any moment, and you want me to sleep?”

“Babe,” Yunho starts, taking a leaf out of his character’s play book, his smile evident in his voice, becoming more pronounced when the gorgeous man in his arms huffs at his choice of endearment. “Even awake you wouldn’t have the time to do anything should that door fly open so why not get some rest?”

“Logical as always.”

“If I were logical, I’d make sure you were dressed,” Yunho replies ruefully, rubbing his hand on Jaejoong’s bare waist.

“So why aren’t I dressed?”

“I rather enjoy holding you naked in my arms.”

“Pretty sure friends don’t do this.”

Yunho opens his eyes and straightens, tilting Jaejoong’s chin up to look into the man’s eyes. “Are we just friends? Is that what we are?”

Jaejoong pulls himself free and drops his chin, staring at the cutesy teddy bear pattern on the blanket.

He doesn’t say anything, mind fighting with his heart, till he finally decides enough is enough. The peace he got when his body overruled them both was indescribably calming. Like he had no care in the world, and he knows that it is a lie, and he shouldn’t perpetuate it, but he needs to learn how to get to that place without merely being deaf and blind to both his heart and his mind and letting his body and lust run wild.

“My mind and my heart keep fighting with each other.”


“Let me finish,” Jaejoong cuts Yunho off and the man falls silent. He feels the younger man’s arms tightening around him to indicate that he doesn’t mind being shushed. “They are constantly at war. I am afraid of getting hurt. Too afraid perhaps. And irrationally willing to believe the worst of you when I’ve always believed the best. It feels wrong, and it kills me that I feel like this. I react to things, and inside, I’m screaming no! Why? Stop! Don’t do it! And somehow, I still do. You know my history, you know how I was. They were meant to love me and yet…yet…”

“I do love you,” Yunho’s voice is soft, the apology within evident. “I love you, even if you believe otherwise, I know that I love you.”

“I was so afraid today. Afraid you’d have to choose, and—“

Yunho kisses Jaejoong’s temple softly, his voice a mere whisper across his heated skin. “You don’t have to make me choose, because I will always choose you.”


“You should’ve stayed.”

“Your mother? I have to apologize to her.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.”


“The only but I’m interested in is yours, and I’m not going anywhere near it until you tell me we’re not just friends.”

“Says the man who had his finger in my butt less than half an hour ago.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Unfortunately, I do. I need to get this out though.”

“I’m sorry, go on.”

“If I keep running, will you keep chasing me?”

“If you do, count on me chasing you down to the ends of the earth and bringing you back home.”

“That sounds familiar.”

“It should.”

Jaejoong thinks for a few seconds, before he vocalizes something that was triggered from what Yunho just said.

“Trust doesn’t come from words…”

“No, it doesn’t.

“I want to make this work, but I have to be honest with you.” Jaejoong pauses, closing his eyes and gathering the courage to speak. To admit this might mean losing Yunho, but to remain in denial, may end up ruining them both. He is damned either way, so he might as well come clean.

Yunho can feel the tension in Jaejoong’s body, and he wants to get rid of it. He can feel the man’s apprehension and even that smell of fear, and after speaking to his mother, he thinks he knows why, and so he hazards a guess.

“I know, it’s ok. I know what you’re going to say. It hurts you to say it, so I will say it for you, ok?”

Jaejoong nods, feeling a tear slipping from behind his closed lid. His arms tighten around Yunho, hugging him close, wanting to offer the man as much comfort as he can, while he himself dies inside because of what he has to admit.

“You don’t trust me.”

Jaejoong shakes his head, a muffled sob escaping his lips. “I—i’m so so—sorry.”

“Hush, baby, please don’t cry…”

“How—How can I—I—n—not cry? I wa—want to t-trust y—y—you.”

“We will start from scratch ok?” Yunho smiles through the threat of his own tears as he hugs the smaller man tightly. “This is a do-over. I know we have a history and I am by no means discounting it, but we will need a do-over when it comes to us.”


“We will get to know each other again. I am Jung Yunho, and you are Kim Jaejoong. We are strangers because we only know the old Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong. I only know the Kim Jaejoong till 2009 and even then, too many misunderstandings have caused me to even question that. It’s 2013 now. Do I really know you, Kim Jaejoong? The 2009 Kim Jaejoong is not the same as the 2013 Kim Jaejoong so I need a do-over.”

“You don’t trust me too?”

“I don’t know anymore. My mother pointed out that if I trusted you, I should have let you explain why you chose to leave even when I wasn’t coming with you. I had no answer for her when she pointed that out. She said I cannot give you more love than I already have, but I need to give you my strength. She said you need to draw from my strength.”

“What do I need your strength for?”

“To stay with me.”

Jaejoong is silent, thinking on those words, and in that growing silence, Yunho speaks once again, his voice cracking, as the tears are slowly winning the battle.

“I need you to find the strength to stay with me. To give me a chance to show you beyond words that you can trust me.”

“And if I run? I can’t promise I won’t run. Fight or flight. I’ve always been a fighter, but lately, all I seem to know how to do is run before seeing if I even need to fight.”

“Then I will run after you.”

“And if I fight you?”

“I will fight it out with you till we both get it out of our systems.”

“And if I hurt you?”

“I will love you.”

Jaejoong takes a deep shuddering breath, pulling Yunho’s hands from around him, he kisses the man’s knuckles one by one. Yunho’s love is bigger than he himself understands.

He wants to re-learn this love.

He wants to bask in it again.

And he wants to reciprocate in kind, the way Yunho was always meant to be loved.

Hot tears spill onto them as he kisses them, but he doesn’t let go, holding on tight.

“Jung Yunho,” he whispers into the back of Yunho’s hand. “Will you be my boyfriend?”


Changmin rolls his eyes when he enters the suite to find Yunho and Jaejoong canoodling by the piano.


Yunho pressing a giggling Jaejoong against the piano.

Perhaps canoodling is the right word, but if Joong Ki’s and Ah In’s gasps are anything to go by, they could practically be making love on the piano.

Both of them are dressed thank goodness, and showered too judging by their hair, which brings interesting plausible scenarios to mind.

All of which he shakes right the hell out of his head.

“Jihye came looking for you backstage but you were both gone.”

“Oh?” Yunho steps forward, concern marring his brow, but he doesn’t let go of Jaejoong. “What’s wrong? What did she want?”

Changmin’s expression is a little comical because he is still trying to get images he shouldn’t be imagining out of his mind. He shakes his head at his hyung, nodding towards the other man trying to hide in Yunho’s neck. Jaejoong is turning into that clinging kitten again, but he has a feeling it’s more about seeking protection from the real world than anything else.

“Not you. Him. She was looking for Jaejoong hyung.”

Jaejoong freezes, clenching his eyes shut, wrapping his arms around Yunho’s body, he shakes his head.

Yunho wraps both arms around the silent older man, kissing Jaejoong’s brow comfortingly before his eyes meet Changmin’s.

“What did she want?”

“If he’s even afraid of your sister, how the hell are you two going to go out as Yunho and Jaejoong after that performance?”

“Don’t worry about that, Changmin,” Yunho replies calmly, shaking his head at the maknae. “He’s not afraid because he has nothing to be afraid of.”

“If he isn’t afraid, then why isn’t he asking me what she wanted instead of trying his best to turn into the shortest ostrich ever?”

Jaejoong bristles at the tone and words, turning around quickly, eyes flashing. “Excuse me for wanting to hug, my boyfriend for a few minutes longer before reality rains down on us. Excuse me for not being super fucking eager to know what she has to say especially after what we did onstage. I can only imagine what she’s thinking because in all honesty, my own family would have the same thoughts so excuse me if I wanted a few more moments to gather myself before I have to figure out how the hell we’re supposed to salvage this somehow without hurting anyone.”

The singer is so irate he is practically stamping his foot in annoyance, and everyone watching is rather amused by the display of temper.

Nobody misses the man’s earlier words either, and of course, nothing gets past the maknae.

“Boyfriend, huh?”

“What boyfriend? Yes, boyfriend. What else would he be? Fuck buddy doesn’t actually work since we still haven’t actually fucked yet, and—“

Jaejoong’s words are cut off by a hurried hand over his mouth from Yunho who is wearing a rather long-suffering look as he gazes apologetically at the other five men in the room, all of whom are trying not to laugh.

“He’s all yours, hyung,” Yoochun smirks, walking up to pat the man on the back. “Good luck with his runaway mouth.”

“Maybe you should fuck him, just to shut him up,” Junsu declares rather uncharacteristically, eyes narrowed at his now extremely shocked lead singer. “I think I can deal with puppy eyes at you all the time but the grinding…that I can do without.”

Jaejoong pulls Yunho’s hand from his mouth, his tone completely flabbergasted. “Junsu!”

The singer shrugs.

“He’s just calling a spade, a spade.” Changmin points out helpfully. “And before we digress into conversations that may burn Joong Ki and Ah In hyungs’ ears, I suggest we get back on topic.”

“Which was?”

Changmin rolls his eyes, shoving the envelope in his hand against Jaejoong’s chest. “Here. She gave me this to give you.”

The envelope drops to the floor without Jaejoong even moving to catch it.

The cream colored nondescript envelope is resting lightly on his bare foot, and he can feel the tickle against his skin, and he ignores the urge to kick it away. He has no idea what to expect, and after his long conversation with Yunho, is resolutely determined not to even try and guess what could possibly be in the envelope.

However, that doesn’t mean he isn’t apprehensive.

Jaejoong feels Yunho nuzzling his ear, lips moving lower, and he misses the irritated scoff from Changmin who looks away, Junsu who unashamedly stares at them like a voyeur, or Yoochun who merely chuckles, arching his eyebrow at his friends Joong Ki and Ah In who are both blushing. All he can feel is Yunho.

“Your pulse is racing. I really do think it should be me doing this to you rather than my sister. Seems wrong somehow.”

“Or right, depending on who you ask.”

“Jaejoongie…” Yunho chides gently.

“I know,” Jaejoong whispers.

“Pick it up, love.”

Jaejoong wrinkles his nose.

Junsu decides to be helpful because he rather likes seeing Yunho holding Jaejoong this way and if the older man has to pick up the envelope, they will lose contact. He steps forward, bending over to pick up the envelope and waves it in front of both men.

“I can open it for you if you want.”



“Oh for crying out loud!”

“I’ll read it.” Jaejoong glares at Changmin who smirks back unrepentantly, holding his hand out to Junsu for the dreaded envelope.

Junsu doesn’t hesitate, dropping the envelope lightly into Jaejoong’s open palm.

Yunho hauls the slim man closer, wrapping both arms tightly around the singer, chin perched on his shoulder. “Come on, lets look. She texted me earlier saying I’m crazy but she loves me regardless so it can’t be something bad.”

Jaejoong struggles in Yunho’s arms, almost dropping the envelope in his attempt to turn around in the tight circle on Yunho’s arms.

He fails.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to tell you but then you came out of the bathroom, and I forgot about her.”


Changmin rolls his eyes and turns towards Joong Ki and Ah In who are watching in fascination. “Seriously, I hope you get used to this. They can be the most professional people out there, but they are also the most easily distracted by each other. Jaejoong hyung can look at hyung and completely forget what he was meant to say sometimes, even when he has a script right in front of his perfect nose. And hyung always forgets he’s supposed to be a leader and not a lover. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to push him far, far away just so that I can squeeze in between them? Do you? I bet you don’t. I’m sure it’s thousands.” Once Changmin gets going, there’s almost no stopping him, and with a new and appreciative audience, he just keeps on going. This is public knowledge anyway and nothing secret. “And then there was this one time we had a photoshoot and hyung was even trying to hold onto Jaejoong hyung with me in between them! Do you know how ridiculous that was?”

“We all remember, Changminnie.” Yoochun laughs, shaking his head as he puts his arm around the growingly irate maknae. “We definitely all remember. We also remember when the leader becomes the follower off screen. Jaejoong hyung wanders off, Yunho hyung will follow soon after. Don’t worry, dongsaeng. We all remember. We’ll make sure it’s manageable.”

Changmin crosses his arms, huffing loudly. “Are you sure it’s manageable? We are in new uncharted territory here. They have not fu—“

This time it’s Junsu putting his hand over Changmin’s. Him saying it is one thing. Changmin repeating it again in the presence of Joong Ki and Ah In is another.

“Yes, I’m sure it’ll be fine. We are all acting. Acting, remember?” he places emphasis on the word. “Right?” he nods towards Joong Ki and Ah In who both nod hurriedly in agreement. “So of course Hero will want to grind up against Do Hoon every chance he gets because he’s supposed to be sexual like that. So if he grinds we just smile and pretend we didn’t see anything, ok?”

Yoochun bursts out laughing.

And his laughter is infectious, causing everyone to laugh right along with him after a few beats.

Everyone, except the cuddling couple who are opening the envelope together with Yunho holding the envelope for Jaejoong.

“Sexual? Oh, Junsu, my Junsu,” Yoochun chortles. “I think I need to teach you a few things.”

“No more teaching anyone anything!” Changmin waves his arms in distress. “I think we’ve all learned a lot today.”

A quiet exclamation cuts through the congenial atmosphere.

Everyone turns to the couple, staring from Jaejoong’s stunned expression, to Yunho’s quiet countenance, and to the flimsy piece of paper in Jaejoong’s hand that looks like it has seen better days.

“What is it? What is that?” Junsu asks immediately.

All five men draw closer, but they do not crowd around the shellshocked couple.

“Potato noodle soup,” Jaejoong’s voice holds a tinge of wonder.



“Hyung, are you ok?”

Changmin catches on first, for Yunho had told him about this a very long time ago during one of his very early drunken stupors when the three had first left.

“A recipe? For potato noodle soup?”

Yoochun’s exclamation is even louder when he catches on too.

“Oh it’s not a recipe. It’s the recipe isn’t it? Oh my god it’s that recipe.” And to everyone’s immense surprise, Yoochun starts crying. “It’s that recipe. Oh my god, it’s that recipe…”

“What recipe?” Joong Ki is torn between confusion and worry at the way everyone is reacting.

Junsu is too busy trying to hug Yoochun to even ask, too worried about why his hyung seems torn between laughing and crying at the same time, constantly repeating the same words over and over again.

“Oh my god, it’s that recipe…”

Changmin smiles as Yunho tenderly holds Jaejoong’s hand holding the recipe written by his grandmother, and passed down to his mother. The lead singer is in danger of crushing the fragile piece of paper, but Yunho steadies him. Turning away from the couple to give them their privacy, he addresses the still confused Joong Ki and Ah In.

“A long time ago, a couple decided to go visit the parents of the man in Gwangju.” When nobody corrects him about his choice of words, he continues in a sing song voice as if spinning a wondrous fairy tale. “During this visit, the mother of the man told the very, very, very, pretty companion of her son that she will give the recipe of her son’s favorite soup to the man’s future wife.”

“Oh,” Joong Ki’s eyes widen as he looks around Changmin to see Jaejoong hugging Yunho, face buried in his neck, and his shoulders shaking.

Ah In finally cottons on too, jaw dropping at the implication.

“Oh my god, it’s that recipe…”


AN2: Sorry, had to talk out loud to the muses in my head… OTL

AN3: Lol I just realized I turned 2+ minutes of a song into 2,000+ words in this fic… I never claimed to be succinct when writing. I just hope that MAYBE you got even a fraction of what I could see in my head. Even a fraction…

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Finally, finally I can breathe easy.

I truly enjoyed watching Jaejoongie turn from hurt rock star to sexy siren to cute kitty.

I had tears in my eyes too at "Oh my god, it’s that recipe…”. That means there'll be a Yunjae wedding right? The recipe is in the hands of Yunho's future wife right?

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