Log in

No account? Create an account

All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...

Previous Entry Share Flag Next Entry
Love In The Ice [20]
Title: Love in the Ice
Pairing: YunJae/JaeHo
Rating: NC-17
Length: Chaptered
Genre: Non-AU, mild angst, fluff, romance
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story. I wish I had YunJae and if I had my way, they'd move to New Zealand so they can be married here.

Summary: A script for a new mini-series is left in Yunho’s apartment by his manager, and as he reads it, he becomes more and more intrigued. Unbeknownst to him, one of the leads has already been cast, and the contracts signed. When he too is cast in the project after expressing interest in the part, he gets the shock of his life when he arrives for the script reading to be faced with a person from his past. Someone that he has spent years trying to pretend never existed. How will they be able to get through filming this without killing each other? Or worse…

AN1: Ear infections suck but then they also afford me the luxury of writing in between trying to soothe three upset babies (my husband is the biggest baby of all istg). It took 3x as long to write the same number of words compared to when I write in the office o_O

AN2: Oh and if you’re a new reader who has never read ICE, I really think you should because I will make a few references to it without actually spelling it out because the assumption is that everyone has read ICE and are familiar with the plot…

“They’re acting right?”

Changmin stifles the urge to growl at the whispers behind him. How many times can you ask the same, largely rhetorical question? And how many people does it take to give you the same answer time after time to stop you asking the same, largely rhetorical question?

And yet, the question just keeps on coming, more out of habit rather than wanting any proper reply, for the replies are merely lip service.

Not even Joong Ki, the most nervous out of the five bodyguards to Yunho and Jaejoong, bothers to answer now.

There is a palpable anticipation in the air, for the first episode screens that very night, three days before Tohoshinki’s first concert at Tokyo Dome for their current tour, and five days before Kim Jaejoong’s first solo concert in Yokohama Arena.

Ice was meant to screen at a later time slot, but due to the incredible response to the press conferences, the cable channel decided to wait for a prime time slot to free up, causing a lull from the public eye for all the actors involved. NDAs made sure the set was tied up as tightly as possible, while everyone associated with the shoot lay low for a couple of weeks.

Shooting and even re-shoots continue in between concert practice, since it eventually worked out to be pointless for Yunho, Changmin and Jaejoong to constantly fly back and forth between Tokyo and Seoul in fulfillment of their responsibilities towards their concert preparations and the drama shoot. While anticipation flows like a current amongst the cast and crew alike, it is overlaid by a mild sense of frustration that has plagued the set ever since the press conference in Gwangju.

Frustration that centers around the pair on the couch, or more specifically, the still-blond half of the couple.

The PDs are in deep discussion together, one of them shaking his head ruefully while looking over at the couple on the couch. His concern is clear, as is his fellow PD who is flipping through the script, speaking rapidly in words too quiet for anyone further than a few steps away. He eventually looks up, expression agitated, glancing over to the sofa as well.

Yunho is asleep on the couch, the script resting lightly on his chest, moving with every steady breath he takes. Between practicing for the concert and any and all free time spent filming, discussing, or even arguing about the drama he is a part of, the leader of Tohoshinki finds respite where he can.

That itself is not out of the ordinary, for the filming schedule has been quite punishing as they desperately try to resolve shooting the second episode.

Yes, there are still some key parts of the second episode that needed to be re-shot, to the point where the PDs are ready to just cut the scene out completely. Unfortunately, the scene is rather key to the storyline for it is where Do Hoon’s Anyang Halla teammates uncover the fact that “Hero” is their captain’s match from the online dating website. Rewrites by the head writer who has not been onsite herself to watch the catastrophe unfold has been poor at best.

What is extraordinary is the fact that the Anyang Halla captain’s head is in another man’s lap, and they are nowhere close to filming any related scenes. What acting is there to be had when the actor is asleep and absolutely nowhere in the script does it call for this particular “scene” to happen?

The problem is compounded by the fact that Kim Jaejoong cannot seem to call forth the piercing icy emptiness from early on. The iciness that epitomizes the rock god Hero in the story. Junsu was correct when he commented not too long ago that no one is that good an actor for Kim Jaejoong might be a lot of things, but the ability to hide his feelings about the man whose head is lying in his lap, asleep so peacefully, is just about near impossible.

As Ah In joked the previous day, only to get a baleful glare from a tired Changmin for his efforts, global warming is real, for the polar ice cap melted sooner than expected - much too soon.

They walk as one, approaching the couple on the couch, their steps watched by all in the room, save one.

Jaejoong is far more interested in carding his hand through Yunho’s thick hair, reveling in the softness, and the scented wafts of his shampoo that float teasingly up with every stroke to tickle his sense and bring forth memories of shared showers, and a fuck load of sexual tension, for the leader is still holding out on him.

He does not actually care though, their physical intimacy is just another layer to their complicated relationship as they work hard on trying to renew the bonds of trust and friendship first, for the love is a given, left unsaid, yet showing in their actions more and more each day.

The lead singer was always overt, perhaps even obvious, the main culprit in perpetuating anything “YunJae” in front of cameras, but for those who were never onboard that ship when it was sailing strong 5-7 years ago, watching the leader of Tohoshinki be even more obvious off camera is just astonishing.

Hand grabbing comes naturally to Yunho for some reason. He takes Jaejoong’s hand at every opportunity.

When he walks.


When he gesticulates.


When he is excited about something.


Even when he is passionately arguing his viewpoint against that very man.


It got to the point where even Yoochun was hard pressed trying to explain it away, as the side-eyes from the crew grow long and lingering.

Changmin pointed it out one day, and his leader merely shrugged, asking the maknae if it bothers him.

The hyung-pabo may be many things, but lying about something like this is beyond him.

And so the hand grabbing continues.

Jaejoong may not be as clingy in public as he is in the privacy of the apartment the main cast shares in Tokyo, but his eyes, the most dominant of all his features, even more so than his mouth, does all the clinging for him.

Tracking across a room and even an arena, no matter how large or even how dark, the love shining within them is so clear that many have had to look away because it feels like they are intruding. It matters not a single iota that most of the time, Yunho is concentrating fully on whatever he is doing, be it skating like a speed demon on the ice, hockey stick clacking with his teammates, or getting ready in hair and makeup and in deep discussion with the PDs on how he should take his next scene, or messing around with his onscreen baby sister and chasing her around the set and making her squeal and run for cover behind the dubious protection of Shim Changmin which was always his aim for he is also an excellent wingman.

Eyes described by Junsu, in one of the many on-set games the Anyang Halla boys play in between takes, as being very feminine despite his masculine physique. Eyes described by Changmin as belonging to a living manga character though he cannot decide whether the character is male or female, which prompted much laughter and a hefty slap across the back from a playfully indignant Jaejoong.

The Soulfighters are back.

Ah In forgot about just describing eyes, waxing poetic about Jaejoong’s face being like a marble sculpture, his tone vaguely rapturous, earning himself a slap from Joong Ki too.

They are all still acting, of course.

Yoochun and Joong Ki used simple adjectives - big, wide, beautiful.

And Yunho? With a disarming smile he entreats from the past, his words familiar to most of the men playing the game - when Jaejoong looks at you, you feel this pulse through your whole body because his eyes are so big and his stare is very powerful.

The reaction from Jaejoong is telling, the color in his cheeks match his lips and cannot be described with any other word except pretty, while his eyes remain wide and luminous, his love-filled stare cause all but one to look away.

Anyang Halla quickly moved the game along after that.

One of the PDs clears his throat loudly, but the singer does not look up. His eyes are intent on the tranquil features of the leader, his ministrations gentle and loving, the stroking of his hand is mesmerizing.

“I hope they don’t wake hyung,” Changmin whispers, eyes intent on the bent head of the singer.

“Why?” Ah In asks, also in a whisper.

“Lovesick Jaejoong is one thing, protective Jaejoong is another,” Changmin replies simply.

The second PD clears his throat too, louder than the first, and Yunho stirs from the noise, making a soft disgruntled sound, turning his head inwards, pressing his face against the warmth of Jaejoong’s clothed belly, thankfully still asleep.

Hostile would be one word to describe the emotions lit aflame in Kim Jaejoong’s stunning doe eyes as he tilts his face upwards, and the breath catches in the throats of many of those watching, for his eyes are like shards of ice in a blink.

Unfortunately for him, the PDs are affected in the wrong way.

“That’s it! That’s just it! Jaejoong-ssi, we need you to have that look exactly,” one of them exclaims loudly, extremely excited at finally seeing that illusive look their Hero needs for the scene.

Jaejoong practically turns into a mythical creature, a Gorgon, in that moment when Yunho bolts upright from the noisy exclamation, hair sticking up every which way and looking adorably sleep disheveled and very confused.

“Do you have any idea how much sleep he’s had in the last two days?”

The question is laden with cold anger that seems to be rather extreme considering the provocation, and the tone is almost unforgivably rude, Jaejoong forgetting himself in that moment, his anger focused entirely on the two men who have woken his sleeping boyfriend for no good reason.

Both PDs know that they are merely vessels carrying out the instructions of greater powers, and Jaejoong cannot be called to task for his insolence. Before they are able to reply though, someone else speaks up.

“Jaejoongie,” the tone is mildly chiding, though the throaty sleepy quality of it reduces the rebuke even further.

The singer’s eyes widen when Yunho struggles to his feet, bowing at the waist to the surprised PDs, apologizing on behalf for the singer’s unseemly way of speaking.

“It’s ok,” one of them replies awkwardly, patting Yunho on the shoulder. “It’s really ok,” he punctuates his words with a nervous laugh after briefly glancing down at the singer for Jaejoong’s icy countenance has not let up. “He’s just being Hero after all.”

“We apologize too, but we need to film that scene right now.”

“Now?” Yunho straightens, blinking in the light. “That scene? Which scene?”

“The scene I keep fucking up,” Hero replies simply. He knows he’s at fault, but if his murderous feelings can be used for the good of the drama, then he is professional enough to go along with it.

“Language, Jaejoongie…” Yunho sighs loudly, pouting slightly while gazing in exasperation at his older boyfriend.

The blond man stands up quickly, making the PDs step back out of his way, and back again for the hostility in his eyes is still apparent. “Let’s get this over and done with,” he snaps before stalking off without looking back.

Yunho sways slightly in the wake of the other man’s somewhat dramatic exit, open confusion on his face.

The PDs move away quickly to organize the scene, their positions supplanted by Changmin and Yoochun.

“He needs to be icy cold for that last scene, hyung. It’s nothing.”

“Yeah,” Changmin agrees, putting an arm around his hyung. “Come on, you can’t be on the set otherwise it’ll take a million takes and he’ll loose his nerve.”

“Is he angry with me?”

“Not at all,” Yoochun answers quickly, patting his captain reassuringly, bending over to pick up the script that had fallen to the floor and helping Changmin direct the sleep hazy leader away from the couch. “When he’s angry with you, you’d know for sure. This one is one hundred percent directed at PD-nim.”

”Aren’t you going to introduce your guests?”

The transformation is breath-taking.

Jaejoong had fought tooth and nail to keep his blond hair, agreeing to darken it for the upcoming concert to be more in-line with what he is meant to look like, the current hair only meant to be for the throwback in the first episode.

Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin know exactly why he wants to keep his blond hair of course.

Yunho has a very particular weakness for blond hair on Jaejoong.

This is something they share with no one, not even Ah In and Joong Ki.

The only member of Anyang Halla not at that dining table and being flayed alive by the shaded eyes of the rock star is surreptitiously watching from behind the couch in his parents’ living room. Literally sprawled on his belly behind the couch, just his eyes peeking around to watch, head cradled in his hand as the scene unfolds with no flaws so far, he holds his breath, watching the slim figure of his boyfriend.

Hero is clad in black from head to toe, a leather hood to obscure his blond locks, a compromise the wardrobe department had to make for as long as he remains blond. His mouth is the focus of the scene. That and his diamond jaw, his profile so stark and sharp that Yunho forgets to breathe. The singer only has two lines in the entire scene, and yet it never comes out filmed right because there wasn’t the right amount of coldness and disdain in him that the PDs seem so insistent on capturing.

This leather clad rock god though, as he strides away from the dining table, heeled boots making his departure so efficiently dramatic with the staccato treads, is exactly right and more.

“Breathe, hyung,” Changmin’s amused voice washes over his leader, the maknae finding the man exactly where he knew he’d be.

“How?” Yunho asks simply, eyes wide. “Truly, how? I think I like this side of him a little too much.”

“Is that Do Hoon or my hyung talking?”

“Your hyung.”

“You always did like to be led.”

“Is it safe?”

Jaejoong looks up, gazing into the mirror, the coordi noona beating a hasty retreat immediately.

His brow is furrowed, the cold concept he needed to maintain still holding firm as he meets the gaze of the man leaning against the door frame.

“Hello, baby,” the endearment is pithy for the expressive lead singer.

Yunho enters the dressing room and shuts the door behind him. His eyes do not leave the other man’s in the mirror, coming up behind him, resting his hands lightly on the slight shoulders of the blond.

“Why are you so tense?” he asks, dextrous fingers playing lightly, pushing away the heavy jacket to expose skin so fair that the contrast is sharp.

“I don’t like it,” the words are soft, yet there they carry a wealth of emotion. “I don’t like being like this.”

Yunho’s thumbs drop lower to rub at a knot between the older man’s shoulder blades he knows for a fact was not there that morning, focused on the task, he speaks to soothe, but he ends it wrong. “You’re acting, love. It’s ok.”

Hero or Jaejoong, the singer himself is confused in that moment, scoffs. He leans away from Yunho’s hands, but the leader pulls him back quite firmly, resuming his massage. “If I was really acting, we would have wrapped up that scene a long time ago.”

“Actors call emotions from within themselves all the time. It’s part of the art of acting.”

“An expert now, are we?” The blond’s words are sharp and casually taunting, meant to hurt that raw nerve Yunho has always had about his acting.

Slim fingers pause ever so briefly over tense muscles, before dropping back and resuming.

The silence swells, neither speaking.

One of them is staying calm out of sheer willpower, focusing on the task at hand.

The other’s breathing is getting choppy.

Their eyes remain on each other’s in the mirror.

Joong Ki knocks, before opening the door, but neither turn to look at him. He stares at the scene before him, deciding it is way past his level and goes in search of Changmin, he who has attained the highest level amongst the five of them when it comes to dealing with Yunho and Jaejoong.

Changmin doesn’t even bother knocking.

He opens the door, sticks his head in, and says simply. “Leaving in five minutes. If you get left behind, you can explain to your parents why the sasaengs have photos of you two on a date in the middle of Tokyo.”

Yunho looks away first, turning to leave, but he only manages two steps before a hand curls around his wrist. Turning first to look down at the cold hand holding him, and then lifting his face to meet wet doe eyes, he remains silent.

“I’m sorry,” the apology is a mere whisper.

Yunho nods, but again he does not speak. Instead he straightens the jacket around Jaejoong’s neck, zipping it up, before once again turning to leave.

He doesn’t grab Jaejoong’s hand.

“What’s going on?”

“Why are you whispering?”

“I don’t want them to hear me.”

“You’re too old for this.”

“Or too young.”

“I’m younger than you,” Changmin rolls his eyes, pointing out the obvious to Junsu.

“Leave them alone,” Yoochun’s voice is only just above a whisper. The five of them are at the back of the bus, but all of them are watching the couple seated four rows down.

Only Yoochun noticed that Jaejoong had paused briefly in the aisle, eyes darting briefly to the seat behind, before moving to sit next to Yunho.

Only Changmin noticed that Yunho did not turn his head in the man’s direction when he sat down.

All notice that the couple are silent.

The fear of rejection has sped up his heartbeat. He can hear it roaring in his ears, and he can feel it thrumming in his chest, causing his breath to come out unevenly, as if he has just been running.

And he also knows that if he is rejected, it is solely and wholly his own fault for he had knowingly sought to hurt, for no reason whatsoever, merely lashing out to project his own pain.

Yunho feels the tentative fingertips, the coldness a stark contrast against the warm skin of the back of his hand.

His immediate instinct is to yank his hand away, the coldness of Jaejoong’s fingertips inflaming the wound sitting in his heart.

However he fights it.

He fights the knee-jerk impulse to counter hurt with more hurt.

He fights the impulse to flee to lick his own wounds before he deals with someone else’s.

He fights the questionable reaction to immediately vilify the man and think the worst of him instead of the best as he should.

Like he should have all those years ago.

All five men watching the couple closely suck in a collective breath when they see Yunho shifting in his seat.

A warm hand covers Jaejoong’s ice cold appendage.

His hand trapped between the painful heat of the leader of TVXQ’s hands, the dam finally breaks, a solitary tear escapes.

Followed by another.

And a third and final one, the hot track of it making his cold cheek tingle.

He coughs to mask the fact that he needs to sniff, the sound jarring in the silent depths of the darkened interior of the bus, causing the five bystanders to flinch.

“Tell me why.”

“I wanted you to feel my hurt.”


“Your response felt so dismissive to me.”

Yunho hears the words, and he can practically feel what it cost his lover to even be able to articulate that. The last couple of weeks have been like a honeymoon of sorts. Cloistered and hidden from the world apart from when they are apart during practice, the three years between them is still a chasm they need to overcome.

He thinks back about what he said to set off the slender man, his hand moving to slip his fingers between the other man’s.

“It wasn’t ok, to you, was it?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I meant that it’s ok because I know it’s not you and I’m here and I won’t let you fall into any dark places that you need to go to in order to pull a performance like that for this production because it will happen again and again.”

Jaejoong is silent, the tinted windows of the bus keeping the streetlights away, but no darkness can hide the pale sculpted planes of his face unless it is complete.

Yunho turns his head to gaze at his companion when the silence stretches longer than expected.

Junsu nudges Changmin at the movement, but the maknae has always been attuned to his hyung, and he saw it himself.

Untangling their fingers, he lifts his top hand to cup the other man’s face gently, his rough thumb pad tracing down the dried tear track.

“I was that man,” Jaejoong’s voice is so soft that Yunho feels the words, warm breath against his face, more than he hears it.

He tilts his head down towards the older man, not at all realizing that his movement has sent an electric current up the back of the bus as their fellow cast members react to his new proximity.

“They’re ok,” Joong Ki exhales, his words still a whisper, the relief is so evident in his voice that Ah In’s nervous laugh is an echo of the sentiment.

The other three know better, but they choose to remain silent, only Junsu nodding and smiling for the benefit of the two newcomers.

Ok is a relative term.

“I was that man that needed…wanted you to protect me. I basked in it, loved it, and let you take it away from me.”

Yunho’s eyes grow warm at the quiet pain-filled words, his thumb stuttering briefly, stopping altogether when a new splash of heat lands on it.

“I didn’t mean—“

A cold hand covers his mouth, the clammy quality of the skin is like an arrow to his heart, a pang that hurts him.

“Remember, we need to get to know each other. I am Kim Jaejoong. I was without you, Jung Yunho, for more than three years. Three years that hurt beyond anything I can ever imagine. Three years where I had to dig so deep within myself to find something worthy. Three years of putting on a mask and smiling like a puppet to make sure we could survive all the hurdles thrown at us. Three years of needing to be the hyung in truth and not just in name. Three years of watching the dongsaengs I tried to protect slip further and further away from me because I was too difficult. It was too difficult for them to see what I had become and so they left and I did not begrudge them for it, because if I could have left myself, I would. Three years of trusting nobody with my reality.”

The heat in Yunho’s eyes pools, spilling over, warming the cold clammy hand keeping him silent.

“What you saw today is me. That is Kim Jaejoong. A small part of him, but still him. You need to bury the past where it belongs, otherwise I don’t know if we can move forward. Stand by me while I fight my demons, but don’t fight them for me.”

Yunho pulls Jaejoong’s hand from his mouth.

“It’s so easy to forget about the three years, because you’re back now and I feel like no time has passed.”

Pain shadows Jaejoong’s eyes further at Yunho’s words, and he opens his mouth to speak, but it’s the leader’s turn to cover the beautiful man’s mouth with his warm palm.

“I don’t mean to discount our time apart, but rather point out the fact that I still feel for you the way I felt for you all those years ago,” Yunho pauses, seeing that the darkness in Jaejoong’s eyes does not ease. “And I know that I am loving a memory of you, the man I wanted to protect and tried to protect, and in the end couldn’t protect from myself.”

He pauses again, taking a deep breath, seeing that the light is slowly returning to the luminous doe eyes he has loved for as long as he can remember. He can see that Jaejoong sees that he is getting it.

“You are a different man now. A man who spent three years protecting himself because he had to. A man who spent three years adrift and alone when all he ever wanted was to live together with his members in the same house for as long as he could. A man who had to bear more than he should have, while still trying to find himself. I know that I still don’t know the man you have become now, but I know your heart, and it will always be pure. I am sorry for my part in not remembering that in my own hurt. Know this though, for I can pretty much promise you that I am going to screw this up more than once, but my heart will always stay true for you for as long as you want it. This is me, Jung Yunho.”

Jaejoong pulls Yunho’s hand from his mouth. “Are you still the same, Jung Yunho?”


“Shall we leave the past where it is then, and learn how to react to each other in the present?”

“I will screw up.”

“As will I.”

“I, Jung Yunho, promise to talk to you about it and not assume.”

“Don’t make promises you cannot keep.”

Yunho’s smile is sheepish in the darkness, but his eyes are bright with love. “I, Jung Yunho, will love every word that comes out of your mouth.”

“Now you’re being silly.”

“I, Jung Yunho, accept that we are human and we will make mistakes, and firmly believe that we will be fine as long as we always remember to talk to each other instead of assuming because there is a space that spans three years between us that neither of us can undo, and that space makes a difference and I, Jung Yunho, will accord that distance the respect it deserves.”

A watery giggle escapes from the blond man’s mouth, and he delicately covers his mouth with the back of his hand, the giggle turning into laughter as he tries to make sense of what sounded like gibberish.

Three men slump low in their seats in relief, the tension finally leaving their bodies.

Joong Ki and Ah In are sound asleep, heads together, completely oblivious.

“W-what did you just s-say?”

“I said I will communicate.”

“Is that all?”

“Pretty much.”

Jaejoong laughs again, dropping his hand and presses a soft, shy kiss against Yunho’s mouth, breathing his own vow against the man’s mouth.

“I, Kim Jaejoong, will communicate too.”

“Is it over then?”

“The brief blight on our new relationship?”

“No, the blight on our old relationship.”

“You can say it,” Jaejoong’s hand finds Yunho’s and they link fingers.

“Then I say it’s over, and I think you feel the same.”

“I do.”

AN1: I took total liberty with a lot of things as usual… Not quite the fluffy bunnies everyone wanted or expected. I did want fluffy bunnies I promise, but Jaejoong runs the show.

AN2: Also, if the muses don't throw any major hysterics, JAEJOONG I AM LOOKING AT YOU, this should end at ch23.

  • 1
Unni! Thank you for this! Love love love you!

  • 1