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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...

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Love In The Ice [22]
Title: Love in the Ice
Pairing: YunJae/JaeHo
Rating: NC-17
Length: Chaptered
Genre: Non-AU, mild angst, fluff, romance
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story. I wish I had YunJae and if I had my way, they'd move to New Zealand so they can be married here.

Summary: A script for a new mini-series is left in Yunho’s apartment by his manager, and as he reads it, he becomes more and more intrigued. Unbeknownst to him, one of the leads has already been cast, and the contracts signed. When he too is cast in the project after expressing interest in the part, he gets the shock of his life when he arrives for the script reading to be faced with a person from his past. Someone that he has spent years trying to pretend never existed. How will they be able to get through filming this without killing each other? Or worse…

AN1: Has it really been this long? Ok don’t answer that… I felt like I had to give it a go writing this since there are people out there still reading it and probably wondering why I update twice a year ;; Also, this fic is set in 2013 because I started it in 2013 and it was meant to be finished in 2013 lol. I can’t have a drama time warp 4 years… Also, this is gonna end at 24 I think. Just one shy of the original Ice… I am also severely jet lagged and wrung out in general so there may be way more mistakes than usual and I’m sorry for that. Read slowly cos this is almost 10,000 words…

AN2: Oh and if you’re a new reader who has never read ICE, I really think you should because I will make a few references to it without actually spelling it out because the assumption is that everyone has read ICE and are familiar with the plot…

Despite the insane amount of debate and backlash from the no-holds-barred first episode, and the airing of it on a cable channel, the drama had clocked a viewership of over 20% nationwide in South Korea alone, with the peak at the end of the drama, showing that despite the content, many watched till the end. Cable network providers showed a more than fifty percent increase in the uptake of their packages that included the channel the drama airs on in the weeks leading up to the first airing. The PDs are both mollified that the project had taken off as expected, yet additionally pressured because they are expected to keep this momentum. It’s one thing to have a drama’s first episode garner that kind of interest, but it is the subsequent numbers that are important too. The subject matter is still distasteful to most of the country, yet the draw of the leads and the secondary cast acts like a counterpoint to keep the entire production hanging on a strange balance.

That Thursday morning had been a frenzy of figuring out which and what goes where and when. The how and the why are settled on quickly, for they have limited time, and the who is really just Jaejoong and Yeon Hee despite every “Anyang Halla” member being there. Yunho and Changmin of course have their Dome concert tours in Japan and with all the rewriting of Ah In and Joongki’s characters and the casting of Yoochun and Junsu after filming had already commenced, the other four men decide that hanging out together as much as possible would be beneficial to the drama as a whole. Apart from the very first episode which was aired just yesterday, the next nine will be shown over the next five weeks on Tuesday and Wednesday.

The drama cast and crew are there solely through the indulgence of both Avex Group and SM Entertainment and considering the subject of the drama and all the actual drama going on behind the scenes, the crew are constantly on tenterhooks that this indulgence might be withdrawn at any point so there is a slight tinge of desperation and anxiety in the way they work. The PDs are on the phone almost constantly that morning, for they are trying to negotiate getting more time for Jaejoong’s set on the first day of the three day Tokyo Dome stop for Tohoshinki’s Time Tour. They have been unsuccessful so far because giving him a half hour was really all that could be spared, but they are still trying, and as a last resort, even suggesting splitting his three song set over the first two days of the concerts if necessary. This is literally their only chance to get this right. The episode they are currently filming is meant to air the following Wednesday and they would be well past the point of redemption if they are unable to get the right shots at the end of Sunday evening.

Both men glance over at the couple sitting on the sofa, their heads together as always, ostensibly poring over their scripts. They match in almost every way apart from their hair colour, their jackets and beanies long gone in the warmth of practice for Tohoshinki, rehearsing with the band for Jaejoong, and just general script reading in general for the three actors, Yoochun, Joong Ki and Ah In are fond of ad-libs that the writer likes and keeps adding.

Yunho’s russet hair, a colour that should have belonged to the blond sitting comfortably within the curve of his arm and body, is extremely complimentary on the leader of Tohoshinki. Every now and again, the younger man turns to whisper something into the older man’s ears that elicits a variety of reactions from the singer.

A grin.

A pout.

A frown.

An amused shove or two.

And once, even a chaste kiss or few.

They have been left largely alone though because they are in for a very difficult coming five weeks, and while the crew give them sidelong glances, none actually feel strongly enough about it to say something. The atmosphere in the large room allocated to the drama is convivial, and the couple in the very centre of the huge drama slash scandal are surprisingly relaxed and at ease, seemingly unaffected by the more cruel comments from netizens.

In fact, they appear quite untouchable, in an invisible bubble whenever they are with each other.

Well, that is until they realise one of the re-writes has the hotel room scene with Jaejoong made infinitely worse.

There have been several re-writes as usual, the head writer practically a sadist in the way new scenes are added and scenes already rehearsed and filmed, destroyed. Whether changed on a whim, changed for the sake of the story, or changed by outside influences, there are always a myriad of valid reasons.

It is Changmin who notices it first, and he had marched straight up to the head writer and told her in no uncertain terms to take it out. The woman is unperturbed, telling the angry maknae that he has no business in that scene anyway so why should he care?

Fuming, the youngest had gone straight to his pair of hyungs on the couch and pointed out the change.

Yunho had been disbelieving at first, remembering what happened that first day when Jaejoong had returned to their room broken from the filth he was forced to endure, and refused to believe the PDs would allow the writer such licence to re-enact a similar scene. However Changmin had practically been frothing at the mouth, and in tears with how angry he was and that was that.

Jaejoong didn’t even bother to read the change in the script. Changmin is crying and that is enough for him.

Both leads go to confront the head writer who appears to have been expecting it, her face a mask. Yunho is still disbelieving but he knows Changmin isn’t overreacting. He just cannot understand how anyone would be cruel enough to do that to Jaejoong again.

The lead singer simply tells her no fucking way.

In exactly those words.

Flanked by a silent but watchful Jung Yunho, a grim-faced Shim Changmin, and backed by the rest of “Anyang Halla” standing behind the three when they realise what had happened. Junsu and Yoochun were fit to be tied, held back only by Joong Ki and Ah In whose expressions show their anger. They all remember the aftermath and there is no way in hell they will let their friend go through that again.


“If you think it’ll make them uncomfortable, say something. If they try and take advantage of hyungs, like Jaejoong hyung needing to show more skin than necessary, please say something.” Junsu instructs quietly, eyes downcast.

“If that writer or the PDs try to make Jaejoongie hyung go back for another take of the damn scenes he had to shoot today, we say no. No, no, no. Make up all the excuses you can think of, but it’s going to be a big fat no go. No way in hell am I letting them do that to him again, script or no script.” Yoochun declares firmly, the look in his eyes is stark.

“If anyone even so much as looks at Jaejoong or Yunho hyung with disgust in their eyes, you have my permission to stomp on their toes.”


Threats fall on deaf ears, for the entire cast present there are resolute. Two of them may not share the same history as the other five, but they are a unit now and they will be damned first before allowing that fucked up scene to happen. The original was bad enough, but the re-write is just plain sadistic.

Take it out or they walk, penalties bedamned for they can all afford it no matter how insanely exorbitant. All the money in the world is not worth subjecting the singer to that type of mental and emotional torture again.

She was forced to back down or face a unified cast going on strike. Reluctantly conceding, she changed the scene to one in a club where his manager does whore Hero out to a couple but he brushes them off at the club itself, fires his manager on the spot, and then leaves alone which they will be filming in a private club in Roppongi later that evening after the Tokyo Dome rehearsals, all while seemingly taking a perverse glee in using the most vulgar expressions to convey the scene she has in mind, not at all batting an eye at the furiously cold reception she is getting. She had expected it, hence the back-up plan with the club already booked in advance. Surprisingly, nobody picks up on this fact, still too furious with her to begin with.

“You might as well tell everyone about the party since we are not going to be hiring extra hands and we’ll need as many bodies in the club as possible,” she stares at Yunho until he nods tightly in agreement before she turns to the bristling rock star next to him. “And you,” she tilts her head, gazing into the angry doe eyes of the beautiful man. “It’s a private club. We are only filming one scene so there’s no need to stay in character beyond that. You’re already getting second and third glances here since it’s just crew you’re around with no outsiders beyond the Tohoshinki staff who know you anyway, and yet you seem to be permanently in Hero mode with your PDAs over on the sofa so behave yourself,” she pauses, still not looking away, but a hint of a smile tugs at her lips. “Please?” she adds, before turning to leave, not waiting for a response.

That confrontation and subsequent concession ease the men who disperse in search of lunch, Changmin getting hugged by Yunho before he leaves, but Hero remains Hero, whether in defiance at her warning or simply not caring because everyone has signed an NDA, or still angry over the scene itself and the fact that she made Changmin cry; it could be one, none, or all of the above.

The rock star doesn’t lose that little bit of edginess that wipes away the softness that a lot of people associate with him. His eyes are harder than normal, icy if you must as he stares at the crew around them, landing his gaze on each and every single one of them, as if daring them to continue staring.

None of them take that dare, most looking away immediately or within a few seconds.

Yunho reaches out, taking a forearm and feeling the muscle tense under his touch.

“What’s wrong?”

“She’s a fucking bitch.”

Yunho makes a face, his grip tightening as he tugs the singer towards the couch. “I guess she’s just doing her job. I didn’t expect her to change the scene nor did I expect her to back down without a bigger fight, but she did so let’s enjoy the small win and not look for another fight ok?”

Wrenching his arm away, Jaejoong stops short and turns to stare at his boyfriend. “Are you saying I’m looking for a fight? That wasn’t worth a fight?”

“Calm down,” Yunho holds his hand out in apology, mindful of the room because while emptying, is still not quite empty. “That’s not what I’m saying, and I’m sorry if it came out that way.” He takes a deep breath, and takes another step towards the angry singer. “That fight was worth it. I would have walked away and paid everyone’s fee if it came to that. You know this, Jaejoong.”

Yoochun and Junsu can see the signs, as can Changmin, but all three choose not to intervene, already moving away towards the lunch buffet set up in another larger room.

“Are they ever going to have an extended period of peace?” Junsu asks worriedly, walking sideways so he can keep an eye on the two men. He cannot see Yunho’s face, but Jaejoong’s speaks volumes and he winces at the coldness in the face of their eldest.

“Not for the rest of the year at the very least. The drama is going to explode and them along with it.”

“Did we do the right thing?” Changmin asks softly as he watches Yunho reaching out for Jaejoong’s hand this time, breathing a sigh of relief when the older man doesn’t pull away as they link fingers.

“Yes,” Yoochun’s eyes are misty as he turns away. “It has to be…”

Yunho doesn’t comment when Jaejoong drops sideways into his lap instead of on the vast emptiness of the couch next to him. There isn’t even a cushion on it to provide a lame excuse for his choice of seat for anyone who may come by and comment, however unlikely that scenario might be.

Pushing away bits of fringe with a fingertip, he stays silent, waiting for Jaejoong to calm down. The singer had been out of sorts since his sister’s message that morning and he can’t really blame the man. His primary memory of the last face-to-face meeting with his parents is not a good one. Not even the solo meeting with his mother recently, and while Jihye had helped salvage that, he knows how Jaejoong’s mind thinks.


“Don’t say shit like that. Don’t say you love me more than I can imagine. Show me you love me. Don’t just say it. I’m so tired of people telling me one thing and doing another.”


He needs action not words.

Leaning against the younger man, Jaejoong starts playing with the hair at Yunho’s nape while staring at his lap. “What am I supposed to do?” he asks quietly. “I have to be Hero, and they’re going to see me as Hero. They’re going to see an angry rock star, mad at the world, using explicit lyrics to convey his hostility and—“

“They’re also going to see the rock star letting down his guard for once, in front of thousands, to confess his feelings in public.”

“Can they handle that?” Jaejoong asks, carding his hand up the back of Yunho’s head and massaging the man’s scalp, scratching lightly. “Can they really handle that? All they’ve seen so far are us allegedly being in character, but not seeing the drama played out as it should except for that first episode.”

“They will have to handle it,” Yunho leans back into the singer’s hand. “It is what it is and while I know they’ve accepted it, I won’t try to convince you until you are able to convince yourself, and I trust that you will eventually and I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes.”


Jaejoong is lost in his thoughts for a moment though his hand never stops moving, scratching and massaging at Yunho’s scalp absentmindedly as he thinks about what the leader has just said.

He is pulled back to his present reality when the Tohoshinki leader lets out a soft appreciative moan, Jaejoong smiling as Yunho closes his eyes. His ministrations stop at the sound, and after a few seconds, he gets a cute whine, the man’s eyes still shut.

“That felt good…don’t stop…”

“Am I supposed to be Hero or Jaejoong?”

Yunho opens his eyes, his gaze conveying words that don’t need to be said, but he says them anyway. “It doesn’t matter. They’re both mine.”

A shiver courses through the singer’s body and his hand claws, fisting the hair in his hand, feeling Yunho tighten his hold on him in response, long fingers curling around his slim waist.

Their gazes break as Yunho’s eyes close slowly when Jaejoong fists the back of his head harder, tilting his jaw upwards. He feels the man’s warm breath against the patch of skin just beneath his ear, and the non-contact is electric, his skin reacting, sending a lightning bolt straight to his groin. They have been playing with fire for awhile now, and each time they’re a step nearer the flames and dangerously close to combusting altogether. Had Jaejoong not been the hyung yesterday and gotten them clothes, he knows the night would more than likely have ended differently.

It will only take a push from Jaejoong.

Just one tiny little push, and Yunho will willingly tip over the edge of oblivion.

Blissful oblivion.

“Are you Baek Dohoon, U-Know or Jung Yunho?”

The question is asked against his skin, so close he can practically feel those lips on him. The hand fisting his hair is tight enough that he cannot move without hurting himself but the mild pain tugging at his scalp from the hold is filling his cock and fast.

“It doesn’t matter. They’re all yours,” he replies honestly, voice hoarse with the effort of staying in control.

Or at least trying to.

He jerks as Jaejoong nuzzles that spot under his ear, fingers convulsively tightening at his waist when he feels the man following the line of his jaw slowly.

Painfully slowly, as if trying to brand his skin with the tip of his nose.

Several years ago, it would have been the singer’s mouth trailing that very same path as he leaned over him.

Yunho’s neck and jawline has always been a weakness of Jaejoong’s.

Going back the way he came, back to Hero’s favourite spot, Jaejoong gives in.

Pressing his mouth fully just below his ear, he lets his lips drag against Yunho’s warm skin, his hand tightening in the younger man’s hair and pulling his head back further, exposing more of his throat to him even as he moves to lick the leader’s earlobe.

“How about I give you both right now…” his voice is husky against the sensitive skin, delighting in the shiver of the man beneath him, teeth nipping lightly before he moves away and down to the pulse point at the side of his neck, feeling Yunho’s blood pounding through his veins. Feeling rather than hearing the deep groan in Yunho’s throat vibrating as he runs his mouth down his neck, to the adam’s apple swallowing heavily, practically inviting Jaejoong to wrap his lips around it.

Both Jaejoong and Hero would be more than happy to comply, the singer licking at the blunted point before wrapping his pout around it wetly and moving further down.

His favourite spot.

The pulse jumping at the base of Yunho’s throat.

His view of it is normally from the top, when he dips his head to lick at the salty tang of sweat that pools there, the way Yunho tilts his head back to give him better access, moaning quietly and squeezing him closer as he licks his way back up to his mouth.

This time he isn’t bent over Yunho in the privacy of their bedroom with the musky tang of their lovemaking in the air, but sitting sideways on his lap instead in one of the various spaces in Tokyo Dome where anyone can walk in.

However, every single person found anywhere within the vast Dome complex have all signed NDAs with the sole purpose of protecting Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong. The penalties are heavy enough that not even those with the deepest pockets would consider breaking the terms. If you try to ruin either of them, you will most assuredly bring ruin on yourself first.

Yet it has to be said and admitted that even if there was no NDA, there is still doubt as to whether Hero Jaejoong would have stopped for he has lost all consideration for his surroundings, solely focused on the younger man groaning beneath him.

Pouty lips close over the dry base of the leader’s throat, hiding the tongue that darts out to lick heavily, feeling Yunho’s hands dig deep, almost painfully into his waist, tightening and squeezing. That reaction cause him to bare his teeth, grazing lightly against his adam’s apple, he moves back up to the ear he had briefly abandoned.

“I don’t know if I can stop…”

“I…” Yunho tries to lift his head but Jaejoong has him firmly in hand and the dancer’s body relaxes because the decision is no longer his. “I don’t…it has to be you.”

“I am the hyung, aren’t I?” the singer muses.

“What am I then?”

“A brat,” Jaejoong replies without hesitation, his eyes widening as Yunho stares at up at him with an unmistakable expression of wide-eyed adoration and lust.


The drama has evolved to the point where that word is a known mating call of the characters. The other actors and idols use it playfully, but when Dohoon slash Yunho slash U-Know uses it, all bets are off.

The frantic scramble to change position is helped by Yunho who is finally released as Jaejoong moves onto his knees astride the leader’s lap, their mouths fused together.

Jaejoong slash Hero has the higher position and he presses down against Yunho who takes him eagerly, hands scrambling at his waist to pull off his teeshirt, the kiss rough and deep despite the movements. Yunho’s groan as he suckles on the singer’s tongue is loud and galvanises them to move quicker, the loss of Jaejoong’s mouth against his for that second it takes to remove his shirt induces a brief whine from the younger man that is silenced by a sharp teeth against his pouty bottom lip followed by a loving, soothing lick.

His hands scratch at the older man’s back, leaving blooming red marks across pale white skin, the dark tattoos only serve to highlight the red streaks as his hands dip low to cup the singer’s ass tightly as Jaejoong fists his hair roughly with both hands, tilting his head all the way back once again as the blond man sets the pace of their kiss.

Rough and messy seem to be the order of the day, Yunho’s softly uttered oppa seems to have short-circuited the older man’s brain as he kisses Tohoshinki’s leader deeply, pressing his advantage to take as much as the younger man is willing to give, and it feels like everything for Yunho kisses the way he lives, holding nothing back.

He feels the tingle of pain as Yunho scratches down his back and cannot stifle the moan when his ass is groped hard and massaged. He can feel Yunho’s fingers trying to get to that cleave in his ass through his jeans and it isn’t enough.

Ripping his mouth from the other man’s, he loosens his grip of his hair and tilts his head up, meeting beautiful almond eyes cloudy with lust and a very healthy dose of love, gazing up at Jaejoong with the innocence of complete trust that the older man will look after him. Jaejoong can see the difference and it stops him short, for all he wants to do now and is wrap up the too-trusting leader in his ridiculous cartoon bear fluffy blanket and protect him from the big bad world.

He really is the hyung, and he has to be the hyung here. When they are alone, Yunho gives over to him willingly and easily, and Jaejoong has to be absolutely certain he deserves that trust, and that he too can be strong.

Reluctant to be good but knowing he has to be for they are not alone, he kisses along the man’s jaw and back to his ear.

“Baby…come back. We’re in Tokyo Dome.”

“I like Tokyo Dome…but I like you more.”

Jaejoong lets out a husky chuckle, feeling Yunho’s hands moving, roaming his back, stroking up and down and igniting his skin with every pass of his large hands. He has decided they will stop, but he’s not going to make it abrupt…slow and steady works just as well…as long as they stop before it gets out of hand.

“Do you remember that scene we haven’t filmed?”

“Which one?” Yunho’s mouth tugs into a tiny smirk even as he closes his eyes. “I don’t remember anything but the bedroom scenes right now.”

Jaejoong’s expression is practically a mirror of Yunho’s as he lifts his hand to trace the man’s beautiful cupid bow mouth with a fingertip.

“Don't you just love… the feeling of my fingertips… circling your lips.”

Yunho’s response is automatic, the man’s memory is legend with those he works with and he knows every line, every word, not just of his scenes but also of his lover’s and his team’s.

“I thought we agreed he wasn’t referring to these lips.” He sticks out his tongue to lick at Jaejoong’s roaming finger. “This isn’t the scene I was thinking of…” his smirk widens when he feels soft plush lips pressing against his, mouth parting willingly as Jaejoong presses his hardness against him, rocking in a slow circling motion, practically gyrating in his lap and he lets out a soft groan when the singer pushes his tongue into his mouth to suckle on, stroking his own tongue against the other’s, feeling the shudder in Jaejoong’s body against his.

The blond man pulls back slightly, mouth parted, lips slick and rosy. “I’m supposed to be the hyung…” he groans out, pressing his forehead against the younger man’s. “You’re making this really hard…”

“I know,” Yunho’s eyes flutter closed, a smile on his lips. “I can feel you.”

“Tokyo Dome…”

“…is ours…”

Yunho’s hands are exactly where that arrow down Jaejoong’s back lead to, slipping them into the back of the older man’s jeans, skin to skin, and with Yunho’s eyes now shut and blissed out by the warm husky whispers of his lover in his arms, they are unaware of their audience.

“Um…are they rehearsing?”

“If they are, it’s a new scene because it’s not in my script. They’ve already filmed the scene where they first met and I’m pretty sure that’s the only scene where Hero is in his lap like that.”

“Should we tell the other three?”

“I’m not going in there without them.” Ah In shakes his head resolutely, staring determinedly at his plate of food and refusing to look back up.

Joong Ki nudges his friend. “Look over there. Even the staff won’t enter.”

Ah In looks up and true enough, several dancers had walked in via another entrance, stopped short, and turned away quietly, shutting the door quietly but firmly behind them, and in the silence, they hear the lock clicking into place.

“Oh lord…” Yoochun’s groan is quiet as he stands behind both Joong Ki and Ah In, blocking the remaining entrance into the room.

“Why are you crowding around here? I’m hungry and I want to sit down. Move please, oh!” Changmin’s complaints are abruptly cut off. “Oh shit…”

“What is it? What’s going on? What’s oh my god what are they do—“

Yoochun slams his free hand over Junsu’s mouth as the singer was getting much too loud towards the end.

“Do we go in or do we stay out here?” Joong Ki asks, looking over his shoulder and seeing the curious gazes of several filming crew and various Tohoshinki staff milling around with their plates of food.

Changmin nudges Ah In out of the way to check the doors.

“These open inward so if we’re inside, the doors will push against us.”

“I don’t want to go in,” Ah In declares firmly, shaking his head. “No way am I going to be on that side of the doors.”

“You can sit outside then and stop anyone from trying to push in.”

“That makes no sense. Everyone will wonder why he is outside and we’re all inside.”

“Then all of us should be outside. All or nothing.”

“What’s going on?” a curious female voice interrupts the hushed whisperings of the bunch of males.

“Outside it is,” Changmin declares firmly, passing his plate to Ah In and quickly moving to shut the the double doors before the actress gets a chance to look inside.

Unfortunately for him, Yeon Hee is tall enough and the men around her are not rude enough to push her out of the way, that she gets a good look before the doors close.

“Is that…”

“Nothing, princess,” Joong Ki interjects smoothly, taking her arm gently and politely pulling her away from the door, smiling his trademark easygoing grin. “Sit with us? We’re going to be sitting on the floor here because it’s the best spot to discuss the drama.”

“It is?” Ah In asks, still a little shellshocked. He honestly shouldn’t be, but all the other occasions have been somewhat private. Anyone could have walked in there.


Yeon Hee catches on and nods, slipping away from Joong Ki’s hold to the man who seems to be taking it the hardest. Taking Changmin’s laden plate gently from the bewildered male, she coaxes him to sit down next to her.

“Yah, are you trying to steal my girlfriend?” Changmin asks loudly, noticing the approaching PDs, writer, and a couple of crew coming their way.

“So we’re back in character?” Junsu asks quietly, eyes darting from Changmin’s face to the growing flush travelling up Yeon Hee’s neck.

Yoochun looks at the couple before shrugging and grinning, stealing a fried dumpling from Junsu’s plate as he too settles on the floor. “We never broke character.”

“We didn’t?” Junsu asks again, staring at Yoochun’s mouth, slick with oil from the dumpling, who suddenly smirks rather lasciviously.

“Nope…and if you don’t stop staring at me like that, I might have you for dessert.”

Choking on nothing, Junsu looks away, but Yoochun’s voice had been purposefully loud for like Changmin, he too had noticed the approaching group of people.

“Should we leave the couples to themselves?” Joong Ki asks Ah In, nodding towards the other four.

Ah In, noticing the incoming group, immediately rouses himself from his stupefaction, lips curling in amusement at his friend. “Why? Do you want to find an empty room somewhere to have lunch together?” he asks, arching an eyebrow.

“I don’t really feel like sausage for lunch,” Joong Ki replies primly, not missing a beat, digging his chopsticks into his noodles and shovelling the food into his mouth, eating more like a jock than the handsome, polite actor he is.

“Princess…maybe you should find better company to eat with,” Changmin’s tone is vaguely apologetic as he takes in Yeon Hee’s wide eyes and crimson cheeks. However, even as he watches, he knows exactly when she realises that they aren’t alone.

Squaring her shoulders and glaring at him, she is every inch the chaebol princess she is meant to be. “This company is fine but if you don’t mind your manners, I’ll tell oppa and we’ll see how you like it when he makes all of you do speed drills till your toes bleed in your skates.”

Yoochun shudders, taking a bite of Junsu’s sushi that the younger man feeds him. “Bite your tongue, sister. We’ll behave.”

The six cast members fall into an easy conversation, ignoring the looks sent their way and not at all caring that they appear really strange sitting in front of the double doors of the room they have been using to practice their lines while Tohoshinki rehearse for their concert on Saturday.

The PDs and writer who had been about to confront them, stop short, staring at the group, overhearing the conversation and narrowing their eyes suspiciously at the closed door.

“Someone is missing,” one of the PDs comments rather unnecessarily.

“You don’t say?” the female writer retorts, her tone vaguely mocking. “I’m going to hazard a guess that the two of them are in that room doing exactly what I told them not to do.”

“Are you going to do something about it?” a quiet male voice asks next to her.

Turning, she takes in the worried eyes of the Japanese manager of Tohoshinki, and she smiles, shaking her head. “I did tell them a long time ago that this drama can be as real as they want it to be. If it means being in character 24/7, who am I to tell them otherwise? Hero is just going to tell me to get lost even if I tried.”

“He wouldn’t…”

“Yes, he would,” she replies firmly before ushering all the men away. “Come on, it’s lunch. Let’s eat.”

“We’re alone right?”

Jaejoong lifts his head and looks around. His expression morphs into puzzlement before understanding dawns on him when he notices both entrances are now shut tight.

Yunho’s hands are still down the back of his jeans, rather proprietarily massaging his butt cheeks rather languidly. If the leader was really concerned about them being around company, he would have stopped.

“What do you think?”

“I don’t hear anyone,” Yunho replies, eyes still closed, head resting against the back of couch, a dreamy smile on his lips. “I just hear you and feel you…can we stay here for awhile?”

“We need to rehearse,” Jaejoong replies, ghosting his nose along the younger man’s jawline again. His underwear is soaked in precum and it’s pretty bloody uncomfortable but he doesn’t want to leave either. He takes a taste of Yunho’s slick mouth, swallowing the younger man’s heartfelt groan at the contact and he once again deepens the kiss.

Their tongues tangle and search, Yunho chasing Jaejoong out of his mouth for the first time since they started, sweeping his tongue into the other’s mouth, groaning again when the older man starts to suckle on his tongue, the slow tugs sending electrical sparks shooting once again to his full cock.

As if he can feel those same electric sparks, Jaejoong starts to rock his hips against Yunho’s clothed erection again but more insistently this time, feeling the turgid bulge against his own and wanting more. Pulling his mouth away, he looks down once again at the handsome man between his legs. “Where’s your blanket?”

“What blanket?”

“The teddy bears.”

Yunho opens his eyes and tilts his head towards the corner of the room where they had all deposited their things that morning. Thanks to Changmin, it’s no longer a haphazard assortment of bags tumbling over each other, but rather all arranged neatly in a row. Jaejoong can see the folded blanket sitting atop a couple of bags.

“How much do you like that blanket?”

Yunho pouts. A full on pout, his bottom lip jutting out and he looks like a five year old. “What are you gonna do to it?”

Jaejoong bends his head and takes a heavy lick of that full bottom lip, sucking it between his own pillowy lips and pulling away before Yunho has a chance of participating in the kiss. He chuckles when the leader’s pout becomes even more pronounced. “Well, I’m going to wrap us in it in case someone walks in so its pristine condition is wholly dependent on you.”

Yunho’s answer comes so quickly that Jaejoong is chuckling even as he pulls Yunho’s hands out of his pants and gets off the man’s lap to get the blanket.

“I like you more than all the blankets in the whole wide world.”

The cast are all silent as Changmin confers with a dancer in Japanese. Both Joong Ki and Ah In recognise him as one of those who had backed out of the room from the other entrance and their low voices interspersed with two familiar names leaves no one guessing as to what they are talking about.

The younger half of Tohoshinki finally steps back and nods, the dancer leaving immediately but not before darting glances at both Yoochun and Junsu, recognition clear in his eyes and something else that cannot be identified in that moment. None of the Tohoshinki staff have been introduced to the cast for they had been secluded in that blocked off room since arrival, only interacting with their film crew for there was no reason for any further intermingling.

“What is it?” Joong Ki asks immediately.

“Sam-san has postponed the start of the rehearsals due to some sound problems. We have another hour before we need to go, maybe later if it isn’t fixed by then. The crew need to move to another part of the Dome to film Hero’s scene with the princess but their equipment is all in there,” Changmin thumbs at the still-closed doors but he doesn’t have to for they all know it. “Not to mention the lead actor has been missing since the confrontation with the head writer and neither he nor Yunho were seen at lunch.”

“He saw them,” Ah In adds quietly. “That dancer. We saw him and a couple of others enter from the other entrance.”

Changmin’s mouth tightens and he nods. “Yes, they told me. That was Sonny. Both he, 50 and Ywki are standing guard at the other door. None of the crew will go that way as it’s next to the dancers’ dressing rooms and none of the other dancers will try and enter with the three of them there.”

“So we stay here till they come out?”

Changmin checks his watch. “We have at least half an hour because when I went back to get more food, I heard PD-nim tell the film crew to find the right spot first before they start moving equipment because they are short on time and the head writer is annoyed and doesn’t want them wasting time being hampered by all the cameras when they haven’t even managed to find the perfect spot.”

“And if they haven’t emerged after half an hour?” Yoochun asks. “You know that’s a possibility especially if they fall asleep after like the last time…” he trails off, shooting a look at Yeon Hee who merely holds her hands to her warm cheeks and shakes her head to tell him she’s ok.

“Then we go in,” Changmin replies, but before he can say more, he is interrupted by a firm voice.

“I’m not going in,” Ah In declares. “You three go in. Us three will stay here.”

Yeon Hee nods immediately. “I agree.”

Junsu turns to the silent Joong Ki. “Are you ok with this?”

The actor shrugs before giving them all his trademark grin. “Remember, if anyone asks, they’re acting. We’re all acting. We’re always acting. I’m gonna act as if my life depended on it and stand out here and make sure no one that isn’t a current or former Rising God of the East enters that room.”

“Anyang Halla,” Yoochun corrects. “Acting, remember?”

“Ah, yes of course. Thank you teammate.”

“This blanket it ginormous.”

Yunho is smiling in their little cocoon, head still resting along the top of the couch, his hands running up and down Jaejoong’s jean-clad thighs on either side of him. He hasn’t moved since Jaejoong sat in his lap after their “discussion” with the head writer. However, he also doesn’t feel any inclination whatsoever to move.

When Jaejoong had gotten up to get the blankets, he had lifted his head to survey the room to assess their safety and is a little bemused to find the doors to both entrances shut tight, and not a sound to be heard on the other side. His trust in Changmin is absolute and he knows the maknae will come looking for him if he is needed. He briefly wonders when the room emptied and the doors shut but he cannot quite find it within himself to care.

It is very rare that he relinquishes responsibility to someone else. He barely does it with Changmin because while he trusts the maknae, he knows that as the older one, and the leader, he has to take responsibility for everything.

However, with Jaejoong here, he is handing over the responsibility to him.

No words need to be exchanged. Jaejoong has looked out for him before, many times that not many people know about but Yunho knows and that’s enough.

The singer, more known for being reckless both with his mouth and his actions, is doing a rather good impression of being the hyung. They are now pretty thoroughly wrapped up, warm, and even their heads are barely in view for Jaejoong has the blanket hooded well over his head as he sits astride Yunho’s lap once more.

His hands move upwards, sliding heavily over Jaejoong’s bare torso. The man is all muscle and bones basically, but he seems to be sturdier, more muscular than Yunho remembers from the police station from what feels like many many months ago.

Feeling reckless, he flicks his thumbs over both nipples, and is rewarded by an sharp indrawn breath and a hot mouth against his once again.

Jaejoong’s mouth slants over his, and he welcomes it, opening his mouth as a hot tongue sweeps in, tasting him so thoroughly he can feel his toes curl and his cock begging for release. Dropping his hands to the older man’s waist, he gyrates upwards while pushing Jaejoong down only to get a lightly chiding smack to the wrist and an amused chuckle against his mouth.

“What are you doing, baby?” Jaejoong asks, leaning back and brushing a thumb pad over the other’s bottom lip, letting it tug against that lush flesh.

“I want you…” Yunho admits, running his hands up the singer’s bare back, staring up at the beautiful man, his tongue snaking out again to lick at yet another digit.

“No dot connecting yet, remember?” the reminder is warm and loving, and yet extremely sensual for Jaejoong’s thoughts are fully on every type of dot connecting imaginable despite his words. His fingers are caressing Yunho’s mouth now, skipping away playfully when the leader tries to steal another taste, his smile is quietly brilliant, the type of smile seen by no one except Yunho.

It is the indulgent smile of a lover.

Yunho licks his lips, staring into the older man’s eyes, basking in the heated gaze of the older man which triggers a memory.


“I don’t trust you. I can’t trust you. I just can’t, and it’s not what you think. I desperately want to but there’s a wall between us, and I cannot break it down from my side alone. You have to help but I don’t know what tools you need. You have to figure it out for yourself. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I never stopped loving you, but I can’t trust you.”


It is not strength for they are strong enough, both together and apart.

It is not love for even after a three year separation, it still runs deep and true.


His smile is soft, that sheen of innocence in his eyes is very clear. He has nothing to lose, and everything to gain. His mother’s words are resounding in his head, and despite the serious nature of the memory, his smile is very true of Jung Yunho, the simple boy who had fallen hopelessly in love with someone he shouldn’t have.


“It isn’t just him, can’t you see? Look deep within yourself and ask if you have truly forgiven him, and that trust is mended. Ask yourself what happens if he runs away again, will you trust him to come back to you? Can you trust him not to blow everything out of proportion in his mind, and blame you for his pain. Can you trust him not to project his insecurities on you?”

“How can he know my strength and not believe in my love?”

“Because he knows you have strength enough to cast him out of your life, even though you loved him still.”


“Will you take care of me?”

This is not Tohoshinki’s leader speaking.

This is Kim Jaejoong’s younger boyfriend speaking.

It may only be two days or ten.

It honestly doesn’t matter.

Jaejoong’s eyes feel warm as he leans forward to once again press his forehead against Yunho’s rubbing their noses together.

“Will you help me remember how?” the blond asks quietly.

Yunho tilts his chin up slightly and nuzzles further, their lips brushing softly against each other’s, a complete contrast from their earlier kisses, and yet the taste is familiar.

The quality is different from what it was four, even five years ago, yet the taste of it is essentially the same.


They are over three years older, three years richer with life experience, and three years poorer for they have memories without the other.

They have over three years to make up for, three years worth of learning about the other, and three years of changes to understand and accept.

“You are Kim Jaejoong,” Yunho smiles, tilting his head and leaving butterfly kisses across the singer’s smooth cheek. “And I am Jung Yunho,” he state simply. “You have always known how.”

Moving his head to the side, Jaejoong finally relinquishes his dominant position, sliding down against Yunho’s body and tucking his face against the man’s neck and wrapping his arms around the other’s broader frame. Opening his mouth against a collarbone, he brushes his parted lips against the warm skin, his arousal long forgotten, the lust no longer driving him.

“I am terrified.”

Yunho crosses his arms around the beautiful blond’s back, thanking the man for being honest with his touch, squeezing gently as he takes a deep breath. “So am I.”

“What are you afraid of?”

The leader is silent for a long few seconds, contemplating his answer and how the singer will take it. He has his own insecurities, he always did. He just rarely showed it.

“I am afraid that you will trust the public more than you trust me. I’m afraid that you will choose them over me, and I’m afraid of being the one to force you to make a choice.”

Jaejoong closes his eyes against the heat that fills them with a wetness he doesn’t want spilling out. Yunho has just echoed his own fears. For years, they fought every now and again because he hated having to hide. Hated having to make excuses to hold Yunho’s hand, and hated to have to do everything under the cover of darkness. He hated the way some staff used to stare and whisper after them, and he especially hated it when the stupid variety shows insisted on pairing them up with simpering females. He was always secretly worried that one day, there will be that one female that Yunho notices, and that will be the end of him. He projected his insecurities onto his leader and they fought about it constantly.

It didn’t help that Yunho’s mother had also tried on at least one occasion.

Yunho is unfailingly polite, and he never encourages anyone, but if you’re the one who goes to bed with him at night, and yet you’re also the one having to smile and be ok with the fact that some girl is pawing at him - sometimes it just gets too much.

The last three years without Yunho meant he relied on his fans a lot. Jaejoong’s deepest fears and insecurities hinge on his issues of abandonment.

A memory of a time when they had fought worse than usual comes unbidden to his mind, the man beneath him still one of the youngest leaders in kpop, with a huge burden on him as they carried out activities in a country not their own, away and cut off from family and friends as they worked twenty hour days to try and replicate the success they have at home. Back when they fucked their problems out of their system rather than addressed them. The memory is strong and he carried it for years.

His eyes are clenched tight to stop the tears but he knows they are inevitable. His arms tighten inexorably around Yunho, his voice a mere whisper, broken, as he fights with his breathing to stave the tears.

“I heard you…I heard you that night.”

“What night?” Yunho asks equally quietly, tugging Jaejoong higher up in his arms and kissing the man just by his hairline. “I spoke to you on many nights…that was our problem wasn’t it? I always spoke to you when you were asleep.”

“I wasn’t asleep. We had gone three times and I was tired and sore, but you started tracing the moles on my back…You know what I’m afraid of. You’ve always known.”

Yunho closes his eyes, the memory vivid in his mind because he had truly wished Jaejoong were awake that night. Despite what their dongsaengs think, they rarely go more than once a night. Twice is a possibility on a free day. Three times is usually when they need the outlet after a massive blow up so each time is memorable.

“If I could show you the moment I fell in love with you, you’d know that the moment I fell in love with you was when you shared your own insecurities, those deep ones that we never talk about anymore, the ones that still have you waking up terrified in the middle of the night thinking everyone had left you.” Yunho pauses, running his hand gently up and down Jaejoong’s bare back. “I’m sorry…” he mouths against his boyfriend’s cool skin. “I’m so sorry for not coming after you.”

Jaejoong loses the fight against his tears, and his voice is shaking, but he needs to get it out. The memories from that night are stark, but he wants to make new ones. New memories where they talk to each other while awake and tell each other what the problem is instead of fucking it out of their system and pretending nothing was wrong. There was always something wrong, and he’s coming to the belated realisation that their life is going to be difficult enough without them having a go at each other over perceived issues and crippling insecurities.

“I trusted you when you had nothing to offer me. Nothing but a promise of greatness. It was not a lie because you did it. I had nothing to go on, and yet I had every trust in you. You lashed out at me that night, and I let you because how could I not? I loved you so much and I was terrified that you would break because if you did, we had no hope left for you are Dong Bang Shin Ki, so I let you cry in my arms and promised that I would protect my impossible dongsaeng with his driving ambition and need to succeed,” Jaejoong’s voice falters towards the end, eyes clenching tight but the tears are determined. “I didn’t protect you…I broke you instead and I can never apologise enough for it.

Yunho doesn’t notice the double doors to the room opening quietly, nor that Changmin has entered and shut the door behind him. He and Jaejoong are wrapped up very thoroughly in his giant teddy bear blanket and his sole focus is on the man in his arms.

“Tell me what I need to do for you to trust me like that again,” Yunho’s voice is as quiet and broken as he feels. He remembers the blind faith that Jaejoong had in him back then that at times, became the only fuel he had to keep going. So many times he wanted to give up but Jaejoong never let him. He believed in him so much he would have followed him to the ends of the earth. He kept believing even after the split…believing and hoping that despite everything, that Yunho would come after his Jaejoong and the belief never died.


“I don’t want to imagine that you love me because I’ve spent years doing that. Years, Yunho. Do you understand? I spent three years imagining you still loved me. Hating myself for wanting you to still love me, and yet, the mere idea of you not loving me would break me in an instant. My entire album is a love song to you. I can barely write anything that doesn’t have something to do with you. I feel every word, and it used to be cathartic, but then when I sing it on stage, it fucking hurts. It hurts because I wanted so desperately to know that you still loved me the way I still loved you, even though I hated myself so much for it. I hated myself. I hated myself, Yunho. I hated myself.”


Anger had blinded him.

Disbelief at the betrayal had ruined him.

It had destroyed him so thoroughly he had forgotten how much he owed Jaejoong and did the one thing the singer had always been afraid of. So afraid that he had nightmares for years. He cannot even begin to imagine the nightmares he went through alone.

Jaejoong lifts his head and sits up, leaning back against the protective cocoon of the giant blanket, tears clinging to his eyelashes and yet that indulgent smile for his younger lover is still there. It is a shadow of the one he had given him a half hour earlier, but yet again, the quality is unmistakable.

“I trusted you when we were at our lowest and you promised me greatness. You delivered on that promise. Are you promising greatness again? A fan club that breaks records? Albums that break records? Legions of fans?”

“Jaejoong, I would promise you anything within my power to give. I can’t give you the moon or the sun, but I can promise to be your moon and your sun. If you want greatness again beyond what we have now, then I’ll work hard to get you there.”

The simple, earnest boy is back. The one who had fallen so hard a decade ago, not knowing what else to do or to be, but the best. He had lost his way momentarily, but the Jung Yunho his mother was afraid would be lost in Jaejoong’s madness is always there.

Changmin is biting his knuckles to stifle any sounds from escaping him. His eyes had teared the second he heard Yunho’s desperate whispered plea upon entering the room. He also remembers what Yunho’s mother had said when Jaejoong had given in to his insecurities and left that day. He remembers Yunho’s hesitance when he told his mother that he trusted Jaejoong. He knows his leader wanted to that day, but he also knows that Yunho has a blindspot by the name of Kim Jaejoong and whatever hesitance he had that day is now gone.

However, he is still not sure if he trusts his oldest hyung not to hurt his leader, and if that ever happened again, it will be solely on his head.

And he cannot bear it. He just can’t.

The question was always if Yunho would be enough for Jaejoong. The man who loves his fans more than all of them combined. Changmin understands, and yet he doesn’t. Jaejoong’s reply had disappointed him and Yunho’s reply nearly sank him to his knees. He doesn’t doubt his leader one bit. They’re not even in the same agency and yet, Yunho would still do all he can to make sure Jaejoong is as protected as he can manage it and gets the greatness he craves.

The bitter taste of regret is on his tongue, and in that moment, he isn’t sure who he hates more.

Jaejoong for not changing in their three years apart.

Or himself for bringing the man back into Yunho’s life.

“Yunho…I don’t want greatness,” Jaejoong’s reply is soft, his gaze direct so the man can see there is neither lie nor hesitance in his eyes. “I just want you.”

The couple is startled when a body smashes into their sides. Jaejoong is dislodged momentarily and Yunho finds a sobbing maknae trying to climb into his lap and bury his face in his neck.


AN1: This was supposed to go another way…but I am always a slave to my muse and Yunho again decided to take over. Yunho managed to wrestle a seriously fucking dominant Jaejoong muse that has been tormenting me for the better part of a week into submission…I am in awe and I want to cry at the same time…Like I cannot even explain what happened. It just happened…basically from “I want you” it was all Yunho…

AN2: Also, I broke a door down once when we were just married. Some wretch of a girl pulled my husband into a bathroom at a party, shut the door, and I just lost my shit. My husband is stupidly polite. He would never embarrass anyone and a lot of females especially who’ve never met a nice guy, think he’s interested just because he fucking smiles at them. I’m not the jealous type at all but I am possessive. My husband is MINE so please fuck off.

I was literally about to go to bed when I saw the update and I couldn't help myself. Thank you so so much for updating. Funnily enough, I had actually just reread LITI recently too, so this was a pleasant surprise.

I adore the steady mending of their relationship, with their priorities being (mostly) set straight, and I really just want to wrap Changmin up in a blanket and cuddle him right now. He really is almost as badly off as the other two in terms of the emotional roller-coaster he's riding. Thank you again for updating!

Edited at 2017-11-13 06:05 am (UTC)

You're more than welcome :) Changmin is probably all of us in a way tbh...

I love how Jung Yunho takes charge! Great update.

IDK about that haha. I was dead set with Jaejoong on how this chapter was gonna go and Yunho basically just drops in and takes over and neither of us could do anything about it. It was a little disconcerting.

Aw, Yunho.. thank you so much for updating!

He's got a heavy weight on his shoulders :(

Perfect! Like always.

You're too kind ;; Thank you.

I don't know what you had in mind, but the outcome is perfect. I like it.
I almost lost hopes and thought you will never finish LITI. But I was wrong. I won't do it again! Promise. hihihi!

It's doesn't matter anymore what it was original was meant to be. I'm glad you like this and you made me laugh. I've always said I had every intention of finishing my fics, but i'm a slave to my muse so I write whatever i'm basically ordered to write lol. I even intend to finish Forsaken and that fic has been on hiatus since 2013 so there's always hope :)

Oh..I can see a Jae in you...^_~

I had missed this fic for so long...reading everything is so deep,feels like heaven ...I just cannot find the words to describe how much I love this fic, Jae and Yunho are love <3
Thank you for the perfect update,Nikki

You're very welcome ;; The last update was in March 2016 and not even I can believe it's been that long. I'm glad there are some of you who are still around to remember this fic ;;

This chapter is a masterpiece... again. I really love everyone in here. Chang,in is both a pillar and so fucking fragile. Jaejoong and yunho are so strong for each other when they need it. The rest of the characters are perfectly balanced out and I just don’t know what’s the best part of this story. Thank you for yet an amazing chapter.

Thank you for your words ;; And you're very welcome. I was a bit worried as it's been 20 months and I may have forgotten how it's supposed to flow but i'm glad it doesn't seem obvious and you enjoyed reading this.

Wow yay update. This is really showing how jae and yunho are feeling. Yunho still will do anything for jae and vice versa. Changmin being the baby and cockblocker that he is just had to jump in there. Now yunjae has to take care of the baby. Thank you for the wonderful update.

Lol if it weren't for him they wouldn't even be together so idk about cockblocker but he's definitely the baby and yunjae definitely take care of him ;;

yay you updated LITI! i missed this.. actually i missed all your stories ^^ you had me at 'I don't want greatness, I just want you' *sobs* i hearteu you author-nim ^^

I miss LITI too but it's kinda hard to write being non-AU but it's almost done so I best just get on with it... :) You're very sweet :3

Awww Changminie. He almost regret bring back his Jaejoong hyung.
Anyway thank you Nicki for the update.

I think i have tears in my eyes i feel changmin so much right now
I just love how u express their inner world their insecurities and thoughts
Thank u for updating<3


I just got home, and decided to back online after a long day, and it's 2 in the morning.. i swear i'm crying! My fav.. my beloved.. T^T

Thank you so much.. thank you.. T^T

I don't know what to say, i haven't read it yet.. it's too precious i could kiss my phone and never let go.. should i read it? It's been long.. should i read it? Do i need to prepare myself? What should i do.. T^T

Thank you.. thank you so much

Edited at 2017-11-13 07:25 pm (UTC)

Lol omg you made me smile.

You don't have to read it if you don't want to but it's ending soon so maybe you should :D Hope you've read it by the time you see this :)

You're also very welcome :3

I am ecstatic and delighted you updated. I am so interested in how this is going to end up. I read this in spare moments I could find during my work day, so I'm going to read it again so I can savor it.

Haha hello :) The ending hasn't changed in 4 years lol so I hope it's not actually going to be a disappointment. I feel like i'm good at starting fics but I really suck at ending them ;;