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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...


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Update 2.0
YJ01
beeswaxing

So this is gonna be a little strange. There's still too much that i'm not prepared to share but just know that life took me on a curveball I could never imagine. There’s been so many changes in my life that I don’t know what to tell you guys except thank you for your words of support to my husband and my family. He suffered more than I did while I’ve been sick because I was blissfully unaware while he had to face the reality of the whole thing and keep our family together. I will never ever be able to express how grateful I am for him, to him, and the strength it took for him to do the things he has. He never ever needs to prove he loves me for the rest of our lives because the last 5+ months is testament to how much he knows and loves me. I honestly don’t think anyone who knows me even half of how well he knows me would have been able to bring me back. I know I’m being a little cryptic but for his sake, some things will remain private. Just know that I’m not the same Nicki, but I’m getting there, and if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here at all. And before anyone thinks the worse, I wasn’t dying or anything like that though in some ways, death may have been easier because at least there’s closure. I am still struggling to figure out what is going on and what to do, and while I will take a step back from fandom, know that besides my husband, TVXQ played a big role in getting me back.

Things are still being re-introduced to me in steps/stages. He won't let me get on my twitter account yet because it's too confusing but he thought my LJ might help and it has in a few ways. I don't know if I should try and write again because I have lost quite a bit of myself that i'm really not the same person anymore. I made a lot of notes before I feel ill though so I can probably guess how a story is going to run but I don't recognise anything i've written so i'm concerned about how it will "sound".

Anyway, that's not important really. I feel overwhelmed most days and i'm really just taking each day as it comes. To everyone who is still around, thank you always for your support and I am grateful for it. I almost feel like a twin, looking at the words you're sending to my twin because it doesn't feel like you're talking to me but I know you are. I'm rambling and make no sense but M thought it would be good for me to update everyone myself rather than have him do it so here I am.

Keep your loved ones close and take care.

Nicki


Thank goodness you are ok...don't worry about us...you do you and whatever you need to do to get better...we are happy just knowing that you are well...

Just do whatever you like Nick,its yours...and we'll be here supporting whatever your choices...Your fic or I called Creation gave me power when I'm missing the 5 of them...so please be assured that we always there for you...

Just knowing that you're recovering is enough for me. Seeing this post from you has made my day. I'll continue to keep you, your husband and family in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for updating us T_T

Glad to hear that you're better now.

Dear Nicki,

This is got to be the best news I heard today. Real happy to hear that you are doing better and that you are taking each day as it comes.
Truly missing you my friend and still appreciate what you have done for us before. It’s our turn now - just let us know how can we support you. Hopefully you’ll come back to your Line account after this - and will bring you up to date with what’s been happening with our boys.
Anyway - i’m truly happy to hear from you again and looking forward to hear more good news from you. Take care .... ❤️❤️❤️

Dear Nikki,

It’s crazy but yesterday again I was thinking about you and hoping you were doing better.... and then I had to read some of your work. I guess many of us here are really relieved to know that you are on the road to recovery. Thank you so much for your message. Take care of you and your loved ones.




Edited at 2018-09-14 01:54 pm (UTC)

Taking care of yourself is all that matters, its great things are getting better.

hugs to you and your fam

I'm crying here.. oh god, i'm glad to hear from you again.. thank god, i will always pray for you, your husband and your family.. i can't say anything, my mind goes blank in a second and i forgot my whole day today, i'm just.. glad.. really glad you're here..


no rushing, focus on your health (and your husband is definitely another angel sent for you dear, your love is beautiful, this is not an empty words, i could feel them and i wish for that love of yours ^^)


I'm glad to hear from you.
Love and hugs to you and your family ♡

Hi Nikki, I am so relieved to hear that you are doing better now and thank you for opening up and sharing a little about ur situation to us. I will always be here with you !!! Hoping that each day will bring about more improvement and happiness in your life🙏🏻

I am happy to hear from you,glad you are taking everything with baby steps.Take your time,we 'll all be here and of course TV5Q.Take care,Nicki

Thank you so much for the update. I've been thinking about you and sending you and your family positive, healing thoughts. Whatever it is you're going through (and please don't feel pressured to share), we just want you to be happy and healthy. If you return to writing, that's wonderful. If not, we're still grateful for everything you've shared over the years. All the best!

Hi Unnie,
I'm so glad to hear from you. I've missed your writing to the point that I reread Sleeping Beauty 6 times while you're away.
I can't actually describe how happy I'm to see this post from you in Lj. I'm truly happy you're doing better.
Best wishes for you, your M and your family. Hoping and praying for your speedy recovery.
I've missed you so much.
Thank you so much for your beautiful, lovely, unique and marvelous YJ fics. They've helped me so much in my hardest times in life. I'm truly grateful for you.
Stay strong unnie!
Dil.

Hi, Nicki!
I'm so glad to hear from you and you feeling better is the best news for today! All the best to you, M and your family!

OMG thank god ..omg i really can't stop crying .thank god you're OK and thank you and your OH for staying strong .

I couldn't write a comment or anything when your husband update us about your condition because of how shocked i was . and i made a promise to only write a comment when you update ..but you take so long and god i was so afraid .
You don't know how thankful i am .
May god bless you with healthy and bright and happy future .

Stay strong ..love you ❤