So this is gonna be a little strange. There's still too much that i'm not prepared to share but just know that life took me on a curveball I could never imagine. There’s been so many changes in my life that I don’t know what to tell you guys except thank you for your words of support to my husband and my family. He suffered more than I did while I’ve been sick because I was blissfully unaware while he had to face the reality of the whole thing and keep our family together. I will never ever be able to express how grateful I am for him, to him, and the strength it took for him to do the things he has. He never ever needs to prove he loves me for the rest of our lives because the last 5+ months is testament to how much he knows and loves me. I honestly don’t think anyone who knows me even half of how well he knows me would have been able to bring me back. I know I’m being a little cryptic but for his sake, some things will remain private. Just know that I’m not the same Nicki, but I’m getting there, and if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here at all. And before anyone thinks the worse, I wasn’t dying or anything like that though in some ways, death may have been easier because at least there’s closure. I am still struggling to figure out what is going on and what to do, and while I will take a step back from fandom, know that besides my husband, TVXQ played a big role in getting me back.
Things are still being re-introduced to me in steps/stages. He won't let me get on my twitter account yet because it's too confusing but he thought my LJ might help and it has in a few ways. I don't know if I should try and write again because I have lost quite a bit of myself that i'm really not the same person anymore. I made a lot of notes before I feel ill though so I can probably guess how a story is going to run but I don't recognise anything i've written so i'm concerned about how it will "sound".
Anyway, that's not important really. I feel overwhelmed most days and i'm really just taking each day as it comes. To everyone who is still around, thank you always for your support and I am grateful for it. I almost feel like a twin, looking at the words you're sending to my twin because it doesn't feel like you're talking to me but I know you are. I'm rambling and make no sense but M thought it would be good for me to update everyone myself rather than have him do it so here I am.
Keep your loved ones close and take care.