Genre: AU, fluff, angst, drama
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story. I wish I had YunJae and if I had my way, they'd move to New Zealand so they can be civil-unionised here
Summary: Jaejoong just wants somewhere to call home again. Living by himself is really not as great as his sisters made it out to be and he yearns to be around people again. He misses the hustle and bustle and even the crying babies that make up his parents’ household but he’s too proud and stubborn to return. He is nineteen after all and fully capable of living his own life away from his ridiculously large family. Enter a tiny little girl who captures Jaejoong’s heart in an instant and he finds himself with a family…of sorts. And for a sheltered, very well-loved boy, complicated doesn’t even begin to describe his life from the moment the tearful baby crawls into his lap looking for comfort.
AN: Wow, not happy with this. Started and stopped and got derailed and reigned it back, and just… yes. Sigh…
The only sounds in the study is the sound of whimpering from the two occupants of the room. Jaejoong is desperately trying to fend off a panic attack, and Jiyool is scared. The sound coming from Jaejoong is a sound that digs far back into the furthest recesses of her mind. She has no idea what it means, but it triggers a bout of tears. She is genuinely terrified, her loud cries have now quietened into whimpering hiccups. She can see Jaejoong through her tear-filled eyes, and she wants him badly, but her cries for him so far have fallen on deaf ears and the baby girl is bereft. For the first time since meeting him, Jaejoong is failing her.
But like her father, the baby girl is nothing if not determined, and she tries again. Calling for him.
Jaejoong feels like he is a vast vortex, being sucked down, unable to find purchase to hang on and stop the inexorable pull towards oblivion. He just wants to let himself drift because it is just becoming too hard to cling on. Too painful. It is too much. But then through his haze of self-pity, through the horror of knowing, through re-living the pain of his husband, he hears a tearful cry that slices right through to his very soul, and he is suddenly filled with a crystal clarity.
He is here to protect, and he will be damned if he fails. He is meant to be their light, not let the darkness overwhelm him. Yes, it is difficult. Yes, it is horrifying and almost numbing. But it is all in the past. He is the future.
Holding onto her voice like a shining beacon, a lighthouse in the raging and murky waters of his emotions, terrifyingly close to being smashed onto the rocks that is the result of Sun Ye’s depravity, he follows the sound.
He follows it, as he lifts his head up, tears still clouding his sight.
He follows it, as he brushes his shoulder over his face, first the right side than the left, catching the tears and mucus dripping from his nose from crying so hard.
He follows it, as his vision clears, and he sees the infant sitting in the swing, arms outstretched towards him, great big fat tears rolling down her pink cheeks as she sniffles quietly in between crying out for him.
He follows it, crawling towards her, sucking in gulps of air, banishing Sun Ye from his mind, willing himself to have the strength to banish her from all their lives.
He follows it, pulling Jiyool gently out of the swing, as she stares at him through her own tear-filled eyes. He is going to banish Sun Ye from her memories. That woman was beyond disgusting. She was heinous, and as he looks at the tearful little angel, his own eyes are starting to well up again, and he blinks determinedly away at them. His voice is a soft whisper, hoarse from all the crying.
There is a pause, and Jiyool cries out “Mama!” before throwing her thin arms around his neck, tucking her face against his throat, and Jaejoong’s world is coming right side up again. He slowly sits back, crosslegged on the floor, cooing soft words at the baby in his arms as his mind races around, trying to figure out what to do.
He cannot show the DVDs to Yunho, but he needs to tell him about them.
How does he do that?
His eyes search the study, landing on the clock. It is just about 6:40pm which means Yunho’s flight has either just landed or will be landing soon. He assumes his husband has managed to catch the 5:45pm flight since no further phone calls are forthcoming since they spoke almost two hours ago. The urge to ring him is strong, but Jaejoong has some things to sort through first.
With Jiyool in tow, he gets up on his knees and walks on them back to the television. A few smears of red on the dial of the DVD player gives him pause, and he is suddenly aware of a dull throb in his right hand. He lifts it up, and is surprised to find a gash in his palm. He cannot remember how it happened, but has an idea as to when. He uses the sleeve of his discarded hoodie to wipe at the dial, as well as the track he has made on the floor when he crawled to Jiyool. The cut is not serious, but it is deep enough to still be bleeding slightly. The edges are jagged and he stares at it for a few seconds, wondering about the pain and how it is nothing in the context of what Yunho has had to bear for so many years.
However as soon as that thought enters his mind, he shakes it off. He cannot dwell on it. The best thing he can do for Yunho and Jiyool right now is to be their light. He has been exposed to so much in such a short amount of time and while on the one hand, he desperately wishes he were still asleep, like Sleeping Beauty in her fairy tale castle, unaware of the brambles growing outside the walls and the world moving on without her. But on the other hand, he is grateful for the knowledge. Grateful at being woken because he would not have gotten his Prince Charming. Cliche as it might be, Jaejoong would rather be awake than asleep even though it has brought an immeasurable amount of pain. He sighs, knowing he will have a lot to talk to Yunho’s therapist about, and he may have to do it without his husband present. But he will figure out how to scale that wall when he comes to it. In the meantime, he has more pressing matters to attend to.
He packs up the DVDs quickly, holding Jiyool in his arms with his injured hand while the other clears any trace of himself and what has happened in the study. He stands with a grunt, aware that Jiyool has dozed off as she starts at the sudden movement. She makes soft disgruntled sounds against his neck, a hand clutching at his bare throat and he can feel the sting of her tiny fingernails, before her hand loosens and she dozes back off. He slings his bag over his shoulder, sunglasses once again perched on his nose, and he leaves, heading out once again.
Putting Jiyool in her car seat this time proves to be an exercise in parenting for she flatly refused to let go of Jaejoong. For someone so tiny and dainty, her grip is strong and painful, and Jaejoong’s heart aches slightly as he pries the screaming baby from around his neck. He keeps up a steady chatter, unable to bring himself to sing that song just yet, hoping that the soothing cadence of his voice will calm her. Her eyes are large and accusatory as she stares up at him, and he cannot look her in the face as he fiddles with the myriad of buckles, securing her.
Her screaming doesn’t cease, angry and afraid once again that Jaejoong is going to leave her. When he closes the door on her, he can still hear her, and it is almost deafening as he hurries over to the driver side, entering it quickly. Her cries don’t cease, but they stutter as he turns and continues to talk to her.
Yet again, his exit from the Jung Tower garage goes unnoticed. Traffic is a little heavier than earlier, and he frets as he keeps an eye on the time on the dash. He drives with a hand on the wheel, and the other reached awkwardly behind him, letting Jiyool hold on to his right hand. The injured hand. She scratches at the wound, but Jaejoong barely feels it anymore. Her cries have subsided to a steady whimpering hiccup, content at least that she has her Mama’s hand and she can see him.
Jaejoong once again finds himself in the carpark of the bank, and he exits the vehicle quickly. Jiyool starts crying almost the instant he leaves the vehicle, but her cries stop abruptly when he opens the other door, pushing the bucket seat forward so that he can reach her to unbuckle her out of her seat. Arms now full, he rushes to the bank which, thankfully, is open late that day since it is Thursday. He meets the same simpering bank manager, who is more than happy to escort him to his security deposit box. Jaejoong wastes no time in getting rid of the remaining two DVDs before he sits back in the chair, Jiyool snug against his throat again as he picks up the red leather journal.
The journal is a beautiful soft red leather, a length of it doubling twice around the small book to secure it. He knows it is getting late, and he has no reception on his phone in the underground vault. Yunho will be trying to get hold of him, and if he cannot, he will probably start to worry. He unravels the length of red leather from around the book, opening it up at to the first page.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
He frowns in confusion. He is familiar with the love poem by E. E. Cummings. He is the product of an elite private school, and thus a lot more widely read than most of his peers. He also pays attention in class which is more than he can say for his friends. But what is a famous love poem doing in a journal that belongs to Sun Ye?
He flips open the book to a random page.
At the top is a date, and a name.
And then as he reads, his insides grow cold again. It is a name he recognises, and it is basically Sun Ye keeping an exact record as to what occurs between herself and her “client”. He flips to another page, and again a date and a familiar name, and again a detailed record. She even adds in identifying physical marks, describing their clothing and the sounds they make as she works them over. He flips again to another page, and this time it is a recurring name. The same as the first. The book is a blackmail journal. In each entry that he reads, she spells out exactly what she can use against these people. She even has the nerve to call them depraved. In one entry, she blames them for making her who she is.
After about ten such entries, Jaejoong stops reading. Three names recur in his random selection of pages, and he recognises all of them. These are powerful and supposedly upstanding men in society. They move in the same circles his parents do. The same circles Yunho does. In fact, two of those men were at that board table all those weeks ago when Jaejoong had casually burst in on Yunho during his meeting.
Just like the song, Sun Ye has befouled something so beautiful with something so hideous. Jaejoong grits his teeth, wondering exactly how far this goes as he closes the journal and places it with the DVDs, arming the lock box once again before he leaves. He knows he has to tell Yunho about the journal too. But again, time and place. Right now, Jiyool is the priority.
As he exits the bank, his phone chimes loudly, text messages clanging as they come in since he is back within reception range. Even as he digs one handedly through his bag, a familiar song starts to play and he stops dead in his tracks. It is an odd sight, the young man with a baby is his arms, a hand in his bag frozen in place with one foot on the sidewalk and the other on the road leading towards his car. His eyes are hidden behind sunglasses but if you could see his face, you would see that his eyes are shut.
The song dies, only to start up again and it wakes the slumbering babe in the teenager’s arms. She lifts her head, looking around confusedly.
Her childish whisper snaps Jaejoong out of his paralysis, and he pulls out his phone, answering it.
“I’ve been trying to call for the last ten minutes. What happened to your phone?”
“I lost reception for some reason. Are you on your way home?”
If Yunho finds it peculiar that Jaejoong’s phone is out of reception coverage, he doesn’t remark on it.
“The flight was delayed due to some technical issues and I’m just getting into the car now. I’ll be home within half an hour if traffic cooperates.”
Stalling for time because he needs just a little bit more, Jaejoong makes a simple request.
“Can you stop and buy dinner? I have japchae cravings.”
Yunho’s voice is a little higher than usual, excitement filtering through and Jaejoong shuts his eyes again, willing, praying, hoping the universe cooperates and does not fail him.
“Yes, Yunnie-ah. I’ll see you at home soon. An hour maybe?”
“It won’t be more than an hour.” Yunho’s voice is firm. Eager to get home to his wife and baby, and even more eager at the news that awaits him.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
There is a pause, and just as Jaejoong is about to hang up, he hears a whispered, “…all three of you.”
He pockets his phone, teeth ripping at his bottom lip as he chews it anxiously. One more worry on top of all his other worries. If he is not pregnant, he has no idea what to do. He won’t lie, and so he glares fiercely at his car. The universe better cooperate otherwise Jaejoong will be extremely unhappy. And an unhappy Jaejoong makes for an unhappy everyone else.
He goes through the same struggle as earlier when he tries to get Jiyool back in the car seat. The baby girl seems to take it personally that he is daring to leave her again, screaming in protest. Her crying cuts deep, but he cannot drive with her unbuckled and so he presses on, aware that she might not forgive him this time since it is one time too many. Is he as bad as Sun Ye then, making her scream so unhappily?
No. Just fucking no. He himself almost screams at the hideous thought. Not even close. No. Just no. Jiyool is screaming because she wants him, not because she is terrified of him. Just. No. He reaches his hand back once again as before, and Jiyool grabs it with both her hands, her crying subsiding slightly, and Jaejoong lets out a breath he isn’t aware he is holding.
The drive home is shorter, the traffic having eased somewhat, and when he finally re-enters the apartment, he feels as if a weight has been lifted. He still has to talk to Yunho, but the DVDs are safe from everyone, his husband included.
As predicted, Jiyool is sulking. Her fingers are in her mouth and although she is in his arms, she just flatly refuses to look at him. She won’t let him put her down, but she refuses to acknowledge his presence. The baby girl, somewhat secure in the fact that Jaejoong is really not going anywhere, is punishing him for scaring her.
Jaejoong passes by a mirror, and he pauses, turning his back on it, looking over his shoulder, so he can see Jiyool’s face. The little girl is oblivious at first, but then she raises her eyes and meets Jaejoong’s still somewhat swollen doe eyes, she stares for a brief second, then resolutely turns away, burying her face against his throat. Jaejoong lets out a shaky laugh, amused at her behaviour, and remorseful that she feels the need to behave in such a way. Stubborn little baby girl. He thinks she is emulating him a little too closely.
He retrieves his bag and digs out the pregnancy test, singing softly, absentmindedly to himself, as he makes his way to the master bedroom. He is unaware that he is singing that song till Jiyool starts looking around, still not quite catching Jaejoong’s eye, her voice loud as she bellows “Daddy!”.
He stops short, but Jiyool continues to look around the room.
“Sorry, baby, daddy isn’t home yet.”
She only hears one word though, her eyes roaming the room as she continues to call out.
She wriggles in Jaejoong’s arms, and he bends over and sets her loose, and the little girl crawls quickly towards the open closet, she disappears within it, calling for her father and Jaejoong follows after her, making sure there are no objects that she can chew on, before he walks backwards, perching himself at the foot of the bed. He keeps an eye on her wiggling diaper clad bottom as she goes to every nook and cranny in the closet, searching for Yunho, as he opens the test kit. He’s chosen a blood test rather than a urine test since it is far more accurate.
Jiyool finally gives up, sitting in the middle of the closet, fingers in her mouth and her brow furrowed fiercely as she stares at Jaejoong. She is definitely taking this personally. Where did her Mama hide her Daddy?
Jaejoong extracts the sterilised needle, looking up briefly at the pouting baby, shaking his head.
“Daddy isn’t home yet, Jiyoolie.”
“Aish, this baby…” Jaejoong mumbles to himself as he pricks his finger, squeezing a couple of drops onto the little square on the test. He should have the results in the next five minutes. He sucks on his finger as he leaves the test on the bed, getting up to discard the needle and retrieve the frowning baby from the closet.
However she is having none of it. As Jaejoong approaches, she starts to make distressed sounds, as if warning him to stay away from her, as she crawls away. He spends the next five minutes apologising and trying to coax her back into his arms. But the little girl proves to be rather stubborn, and so he grabs a hoodie along the way as it is starting to get cold, and walks out, leaving her in the closet. He shuts a door, leaving only one open, and still she doesn’t want to leave.
“Jiyool, you’re too young for me to start counting to three.”
She simply stares, two fat tears clinging to her cheeks, just under her eyes, making her look incredibly forlorn, still sucking determinedly on her fingers, not caring at all about the veiled parental threat.
Jaejoong sighs, resigned to the battle as he goes back into the closet and picks up the sulking baby. She starts protesting immediately, screaming and squirming, trying to throw herself out of his arms, but he holds her tight. He holds her close, slipping her wriggling form into the hoodie he has put on, zipping her up within it. Oddly enough, she quietens almost immediately, whimpering softly as she clings to his chest.
He begins the dance that all parents have perfected. That strange rocking sway that seems to soothe babies the world over, singing Love In The Ice. He refuses to let that evil bitch take that away from them, and so he will replace the unhappy association with something beautiful. He sings, and his baby stops crying altogether, her ear pressed against his chest, feeling the vibrations as he sings. He doesn’t hold back, letting his voice soar and fill the room, as he walks around with his precious angel as close to his body as is physically possible. She is sitting low on his front, almost too low as her legs straddle his belly, and an errant thought of what might come in the next nine months jolts him briefly as he remembers the test.
He continues to sing as he picks up the test, heading over to Yunho’s side of the bed. He pulls back the covers, humming now as he slips into bed. He gingerly lowers himself into a horizontal position, careful not to jostle Jiyool around too much. She raises her head at one point, just as he manages to lie down fully, sleepy almond eyes staring at him. As they look at each other, she pulls her fingers out of her mouth, slipping them free of his hoodie and pokes his mouth with her tiny spit slick fingers.
Jaejoong kisses those tiny fingertips, relieved that she is done with her tantrum, and he has his baby girl back. She smiles, retrieving her fingers and laying her head back on his chest. She doesn’t put her fingers back in her mouth, content to talk to herself. Jaejoong can make out her soft babbling, every now again she adds words he recognises. He lifts his free hand to stroke her back, while the other raises the test to his eyes.
Thanks to Jiyool’s little fit of pique, he has almost forgotten about the test, and so when he is confronted by the giant PLUS sign, he lets out a surprised sound that causes Jiyool to jerk her head up and stare at him.
Jaejoong’s eyes are wide as he stares at the test window. These tests are pretty much 100% accurate, and so he has no doubt.
Jiyool thinks it is a game, and she wriggles in her pouch.
Her respond is to bounce again on his chest, freeing her hand and patting Jaejoong’s pouty mouth. He turns his eyes down towards her, kissing her small palm and whispering, almost reverently.
“You’re going to be a big sister.”
The baby has no idea what is going on, but her Mama is looking very beautiful with his shining eyes and full mouth, and she just gurgles in response.
“Yes, my gorgeous angel.” Jaejoong drops the test face down on the bedside as he unzips his hoodie a little more, hauling Jiyool further up his chest so she is tucked against his throat. Finally, after all that angst and pain, he can see a shining light at the end of the tunnel. His family is his everything, and Jaejoong will not stop at anything to protect it.
They lie there in silence, Jaejoong’s mind torn between several things. On the one hand he is jubilant about the confirmation of his wish. He has no doubt that his baby is a wedding night baby. On the other, he is still fighting the images in his head, Yunho and Jiyool and Sun Ye and he can feel himself slipping and skittering close to the edge of her darkness. He fights though, refusing to give in. Jiyool’s comfortable weight on top of him is a permanent reminder of what he has, and what he needs to fight for and protect. He knows Yunho has felt the need to protect all his life, but it is his turn to be the one protected.
He has no idea how long they lie there in the growing darkness, but Jiyool has fallen asleep if her soft snores are anything to go by. He unzips his hoodie all the way, holding her carefully with both hands as he turns inwards, depositing her gently next to him. She fidgets a little, but he has a hand splayed across her belly, rubbing soothingly and she settles quickly enough. He picks up one of her hands, kissing her knuckles, promising her that he will look after both her and her father.
As he relinquishes her hand, the door to the bedroom is pushed open quietly, and a sliver of light from the hallway falls into the room. It is well after 8pm now, and Jaejoong smiles as he sees a familiar silhouette in the doorway.
Yunho stands there, letting the soft light filter around him, giving him enough illumination that he can see Jaejoong and Jiyool in bed. His baby is lying on her back and his wife is curled around her, and Yunho heart leaps. He has to make sure this potential lawsuit ends without a hitch. As he watches, Jaejoong stretches, slipping out of bed and forming the usual pillow fortress around their daughter. He is a little regretful that he hadn’t moved sooner and kept Jaejoong in bed, but clearly the teenager as an agenda of some sort because the second he leaves the bed, he starts to strip as he walks.
Off goes the hoodie.
Jaejoong continues walking towards him, pulling his teeshirt up and over his head just as they are level. He drapes the discarded top on Yunho’s shoulder, slipping quickly around him and walking out of the bedroom. Yunho takes one look at the sleeping baby in their bed, going in to retrieve the baby monitor before he turns and follows Jaejoong down the hallway.
Pants lie in the middle of the hallway, discarded in a casual heap.
Yunho’s eyebrow raises, dinner long forgotten as he follows the trail of clothes.
Yunho starts to belatedly strip. His clothes in a much less tantalising pile than his wife’s as he drops his shirt, tie, and tank top.
By the time he reaches the pair of Hello Kitty boxer shorts, he is standing at the entrance to the balcony where the jacuzzi is and in the dim light, he can make out Jaejoong in the furthest corner of the tub, only his head visible as he tilts it back, wetting his hair.
Yunho can feel his cock perk up, as he pulls off the last of his clothing. Dinner is forgotten in the kitchen, but they can get to that later. Right now, he has something much more delectable in mind. He climbs over the high side of the jacuzzi, entering the tub silently. The jets are working, but Jaejoong has them on low so it is more of a loud murmur than a growl. The warmth is extremely welcoming on the cool autumn day, and Yunho’s long day of worries and planning melts away with the swirling water.
He glides through the water, capturing Jaejoong around the waist and pulling the boy flush against him as he backs into a wall. His lower back is being pleasantly massaged by a jet as the teenager rearranges himself across his lap. He can feel Jaejoong’s erection against his belly, and he licks his lips in anticipation, rubbing his hands up and down the small of his wife’s back. However when Jaejoong tilts his head up to look right at him, those beautiful doe eyes are serious, glittering in the dark.
Yunho pauses, his hands stilling midstroke just at the top of the curve of Jaejoong’s ass., resting lightly, buoyant in the water.
Jaejoong takes a deep breath, seeing the worry seep into Yunho’s face, fine creases showing as he begins to frown.
He exhales, his warm breath filling the small gap between them. He follows his breath, leaning forwards to press a soft kiss to Yunho’s slightly parted lips. The man does not respond, but Jaejoong is not there for anything but to talk. Well, that is the plan anyway. He traces the tip of his tongue along Yunho’s full bottom lip, loving the feel of the man, before sucking that lush lip into his mouth briefly, giving in to temptation and tasting him, nibbling delicately before pulling off.
He watches as Yunho’s tongue snakes out, caressing that lip he has just relinquished, slow strokes back and forth, as if tasting for remnants of Jaejoong. He is mesmerised by the pink tip, and he wants a taste. He leans forward, placing a hand against Yunho’s shoulder to keep his balance. The contact however, sends a tiny frission of pain up his arm, and he is instantly reminded as to why he needs to talk to Yunho.
All thoughts of seduction fly out of his head, as the dull throb in his hand is a startling reminder of the reality of their situation. The reality of what he has discovered.
Jaejoong sighs, capturing Yunho’s face gently between his hands, ignoring the slight pain his wound is giving him as he tilts his husband’s head so they are eye to eye.
“I need you to listen, ok? Just listen and don’t talk.”
“You must promise me you will not move. I don’t want to fight you, but I will if I have to. Promise me you will stay still.”
Yunho’s brow furrows instantly at Jaejoong’s words, his mind a mess as he frantically tries to think about what might cause his wife to say something like that. The thinly veiled threat is there, and completely unlike Jaejoong, and he knows the teenager is serious. He nods his acquiescence because really, what else can he do?
Jaejoong’s grip around Yunho’s face tightens as he closes his eyes. When he opens it, he meets worried almond eyes, the corners crinkling in his worries, and Jaejoong leans forward to kiss the lines away. He nuzzles at the corner of one eye, humming softly, soothingly, the way he does with Jiyool.
“Calm down, Yunnie-ah…”
Jaejoong ghosts his nose down his cheek, over his cheekbone and the scars that he can see on his face. His hands never leave the sides of Yunho’s head, holding him in place as he trails his nose along that strong jawline. He can feel Yunho flex it, and he starts to press soft soothing kisses along it. He does it for awhile, till he can feel the tension leave Yunho’s body, and then he stops.
“I love you.”
Yunho opens his mouth to return the avowal of love, but Jaejoong immediately presses his lips against his mouth briefly before pulling away.
“No talking, baby. Just listen.”
He takes deep shuddering breath, aware that he is feeling shaky, but he pushes on, steeling himself for a fight.
“I found the dvd.”
The electric shock that goes through Yunho at his words is immediate, his body stiffening, as his mouth drops open in stunned surprise. Jaejoong starts to caress his cheeks, carding his hands lightly through his hair, constantly moving, trying to distract the man and to convey affection and love. He never takes his eyes off Yunho’s alarmed brown eyes, willing his own to fill with love and comfort.
It must have worked because after several minutes, Yunho finally relaxes his body enough for Jaejoong to determine that he can continue.
“I am very sure that it is the only copy, and no one can get to it now. It is safe. I have not destroyed it, but I will when you say the word. But know this, Yunho-yah, I don’t want you to watch it. Not ever.”
Yet again Yunho’s mouth parts as if to respond and this time Jaejoong ducks his head, kissing his husband’s mouth fiercely, whispering against it.
“I don’t want her memory tainting you. Tainting us. Let it go, Yunho. Let her go.”
He can feel Yunho’s hands gripping his waist almost painfully, and he draws back, taking in the man’s stricken expression as he shakes his head. He answers the unvoiced question, pressing soothing kisses against the corner of his mouth again, whispering against the rough skin of his husband’s five o’clock shadow.
“I’ve seen it. And I love you even more now than I did before I saw it. Don’t let her win, Yunnie-ah. Let me win. Let me be your light.”
He kisses along the length of Yunho’s rigid jawline, till he reaches his ear, as he nibbles his earlobe gently.
“Let me win, Yunnie. Let me protect you. Let me protect our baby girl. Trust me and let her go. Let her darkness go and take my light.”
He can feel Yunho tremble beneath him, shoulders shaking, and he knows the man is fighting tears. He encourages him to cry, to let go, whispering soft loving words in his ear, his mouth never ceasing as he kisses whatever skin he can see. Down his neck and against the pulsating throb of his carotid artery, he continues to whisper placating words against the wet skin of his shaken husband.
“They have nothing, Yunnie. The Chois have nothing. Jiyool is safe. Fight for her with all you have. Fight for us.”
He finally lifts his head up, his gaze meeting Yunho’s now wet almond eyes. Eyes filled with a tentative hope.
“Let me be everything for you. Let me love you.”
Jaejoong’s hands start to roam, caressing those broad strong shoulders he loves so much, feeling the strength of the man before him. Not just the physical strength but the inner strength. A strength so beautiful to him. A strength that has ultimately coaxed him from his slumber. It was Yunho’s quiet strength that attracted Jaejoong to him in the first place, that tormented soul hidden that he wanted to heal. He believes in fate, and Yunho is his fate.
“Let her go.”
He punctuates each word with a kiss, his pouty lips snatching tears as they fall down that gorgeous chiseled face.
“Let her go.”
He doesn’t stop. Pulling himself closer, his thighs clamping around Yunho’s sides as he holds his husband’s head up, watching the tears flow, and he kisses them all away. Every single salty drop. It all belongs to him.
“Let her go.”
He licks a trail up a scarred cheek, kissing Yunho’s eyelids as the man finally closes his eyes. He kisses both his eyes, and the the tip of his nose, before returning once again to his mouth, breathing against it, inhaling his husband whose breath is slow and laboured as he exhales through his mouth, trying to regain control.
“Let me be your light.”
Their eyes meet once again, Yunho’s searching within Jaejoong’s, wanting to believe, needing to believe. The beautiful boy in his arms is staring at him with nothing but love. Despite seeing the video, and who knows what else of Sun Ye, the teenager is here, in his arms, trying his best to take away his pain. He is here, vowing to protect their daughter, to protect him. Jaejoong is touching him, featherlight touches, more fervent touches, soft sweet kisses and caresses that all convey one undeniable thing.
“Let her go.”
And it is as if a giant wall breaks down in his mind, and all of Jaejoong’s words of love rush into the space, filling him, filling his mind, his body and his very soul. He will take Jaejoong’s light, he will reflect in it, he will bask in it. Jaejoong is his light.
He lets her go.
And with her, the darkness slowly slips away. Yunho is not cured, far from it. But he is not letting her beat out Jaejoong’s light anymore. He won’t. It’s the least he can do for his wife, the teenager cupping his cheek so tenderly as he stares at him. Yunho feels as if he is waking from the darkness, that Jaejoong has given him the kiss of life. His life was so dark before this beautiful teenager toppled head over heels into his life, turning it completely upside down. But he will have it no other way.
“I love you. I love you so fucking much.”
His voice is hoarse, tear-logged, but Jaejoong hears it, and he smiles. A beautiful smile as he leans forward and gives in, finally kissing Yunho the way he wants to be kissed.
Their mouths slant fiercely over each others, Yunho pulling Jaejoong closer still, wanting there to be nothing between them. He remembers a time not too long ago…
“We’re already very close, Jae. I don’t think you can fit a hair between us.”
“Not close enough…”
“How close do you want to be?”
“I want you…in me.”
He smiles against that full mouth, Jaejoong soft whimpers driving him absolutely crazy as he remembers something else.
”Can we have our wedding night now?”
That memory reminds him of something else. Something that cannot wait till after he has made love to his wife, because suddenly he needs to know.
Yunho gives Jaejoong an Eskimo kiss, whispering against that luscious mouth that he just wants to devour but not yet. He has one question to ask.
“Jae…is there something you need to tell me?”
Jaejoong draws back, looking into Yunho’s eyes, not understanding.
Yunho realises this and so he helps the teenager along, rubbing their lips together as he shakes his head slowly side to side, sneaking a taste with the tip of his tongue.
“Wedding night baby…”
Jaejoong suddenly pulls back dropping his gaze shyly to Yunho’s chest, and as Yunho watches, a pretty pink blush colours the stunning boy, and he has his answer.
But the teenager wants there to be no doubt, leaning back as he takes Yunho’s wrist, splaying his large hand across his belly, his eyes are luminous in the moonlight filtering through from the sky above, a natural spotlight over their head right where they are in the jacuzzi. He cards his hand over the top of Yunho’s, gripping it as he smiles softly in the pretty glow of the full moon.
“Yunnie-ah, you’re going to be a daddy again.”
AN1: Thanks to my million drabbles, everyone knows he gets his baby so I hope this wasn’t repetitive. I really wasn’t happy with this chapter and I have a feeling ch 20 is going to kill me so… yeah. Please be kind…
AN2: Those who don’t know about the drabbles, basically they are all set in the future. YunJae and their million kids XDDD Ok, not million, maybe five… You can find these here Check the AN though because one of them is a Trophy Wife drabble.