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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...


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Ice [17b]
YJ06
beeswaxing
Title: Ice
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Length: Chaptered
Genre: AU, fluff, romance, mild angst, drama
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story. I wish I had YunJae and if I had my way, they'd move to New Zealand so they can be civil-unionised here

Summary: Yunho knows ice very well. He is the youngest team captain in the history of the best professional hockey team in South Korea, bringing his teammates to glory time and time again. But a little something has been missing lately, a spark that everyone has grown to recognise from the young man. His teammates know exactly what’s wrong but he refuses to acknowledge it. Jaejoong is much too young to be this cynical and jaded. At least, that’s what his parents say, but what do they know? They love their only son and only want him to be happy despite not agreeing with his rock star lifestyle. When the 29 year old finds himself in rehab after a sort of accidental overdose, his tearful parents give him an ultimatum. Now he has to figure out what to do with the ball of ice that is his heart…

AN1: I can almost see the pitchforks… But always know that no matter how much you want to damage me, I probably want to do more damage to myself for this.

AN2: This banner was done by taigrin and I have no idea who did that edit. If you know, please tell me. I seriously have random stuff on my phone... :-/






“I want to feel you.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.”

Jaejoong leans back up, smiling down into his lover’s eyes that are so cloudy with lust, heavy-lidded, the dark almond pools so alluring his piercing is making itself really known as his cock hardens even more. Painfully so.

“Everywhere?”

“Connect the dots…oppa…” Yunho breathes out huskily, smirking, as he tugs at his restraints, before dropping his arms back onto the bed. “Do what you will with me.”

Jaejoong scoots back, sitting astride Yunho’s upper thighs as he reaches down to finally grab the younger man’s neglected cock. He pulls it up against his, using both his hands to jerk them off together, no hurry in his actions as he watches the play of expressions across Yunho’s face at his actions.

“You might regret that, baby.”

“Never,” Yunho replies, his smile is stunning even though it is heavily overlaid with lust. He manages to look innocent though instead of wicked.

“Famous last words…” Jaejoong murmurs, as he leans over to grab the ice cream and another ice cube. “Whoever does your laundry is going to be wondering what the hell happened.”

“Then move to the floor.”

“But you won’t be bound then.”

“I promise not to move,” Yunho grins lazily, lifting his head off the bed to gaze down the length of his body at the singer who is once again settled between his thighs, circling the ice cube on his upper thigh, the streams of icy water flowing, following the laws of gravity as they trickle towards the juncture of his legs.

“Is your self control that good, baby?”

“You’ll have to find out.”

“I won’t miss a spot,” Jaejoong’s voice actually holds a hint of warning as he gazes amusedly at the younger man.

“I know.”

The move from the bed to the floor happens amidst a lot of Yunho poking Jaejoong in the ass, as the man plasters himself to the rock star’s back, kissing and sucking the back of Jaejoong’s neck and ears, following the line of his shoulders, the second he is released from his restraints, making the older man chuckle ruefully.

“Where’s that self control?”

“We’re not on the floor yet. You’re fair game.”

“Brat.”

“Oppa…”

Yunho finds himself flat on his back, on the cool tiled floor a lot faster than expected, that one word seems to always cause something to snap in Jaejoong’s mind, giving the man more strength, determination and fortitude to get the better of him. To dominate.

He moves whenever asked, Jaejoong keeping his word about not missing a spot. Yunho is pretty sure every inch of his body has either had hot wax, or cool ice cream on his skin, followed by Jaejoong’s fingers, mouth and tongue, even his pretty toes at one point, not to mention his cock. Though the man seems hell bent to save the ice cubes for his ass. He floor is sticky and uncomfortable, but the pleasure that Jaejoong is giving him more than makes up for the fact that his boyfriend really is a bossy piece of work. The sheer delight and pleasure he can see reflected in the older man’s eyes as he works over his body gives him even more pleasure than expected, and Yunho comes unexpectedly as Jaejoong drops a splash of hot wax across his belly, just as he wraps his ice cream filled mouth around his cock.

Jaejoong pulls off after the first spurt, swallowing hard before pumping the thick hard flesh as Yunho moans lowly as his orgasm washes over him.

The thin sheen of white wax, so thin it is almost translucent is covered in streams of hot cum, whiter than the smear of vanilla ice cream across one nipple as Yunho empties himself over his own body.

Once spent, Yunho opens his eyes slowly, blinking in the flickering light of the candles Jaejoong has brought from the bathroom that surround them on the floor.

He is met with a pout, as Jaejoong stares back down at him.

And even as he watches, the pouting man, reaches over for one of the face towels that he’s also brought from the bathroom.

He feels the cool flannel against his skin as Jaejoong wipes away at his belly, but he doesn’t go any higher, which is strange as most of his cum landed on his chest, even his throat. Once done, the beautiful singer discards the towel, before bending over, and kissing his way back up Yunho’s sated body, starting from his still leaking entrance, cool liquid dripping from the opening, nuzzling his balls, sucking them gently into his mouth, nipping lightly before he continues up, licking heavily, his piercing sending waves of sensations pulsating through his body as his oversensitive cock is teased. His flesh is still hard, not losing its turgidity as Jaejoong licks him clean.

It is made even more erotic by the fact that Jaejoong never once breaks eye contact, as he purses his full lips out, lush and wet with saliva and remnants of cum, slipping the head of his cock into his mouth as he flicks his piercing across his slit, tearing a low groan from Yunho’s mouth as his hands fist by his sides, the urge to grab Jaejoong and haul him up across his body to kiss and taste him on his lips is so strong.

But Yunho made a promise, and he intends to keep it.

He too, doesn’t break eye contact, gritting his teeth as his sensitive cock is mercilessly laved and stroked by a very dextrous tongue, Jaejoong bathing him with his mouth, over-compensating surely because Yunho is positive he is clean, but then why should he complain?

And he watches as the gorgeous idol finally pulls off, lips red and rosy, slick with Yunho’s fluids as well as his own saliva. He moans as a wicked smirk stretches that pouty mouth, as a pink tongue flicks teasingly out, sweeping his bottom lip, picking up anything he might have missed.

After that little show, Jaejoong doesn’t stop, and Yunho understands the smirk now, as his boyfriend continues his way up his body, catching every single drop of cum he can find in his travels. His tongue is like the brush of an artist, painting him, marking him as his own, and Yunho is his ever willing canvas.

He spends longer than necessary cleaning up his nipples, and by the time his mouth leaves the hard nubs, Yunho is more than ready to go again, his cock seeking warmth as he cants his hips upwards, rubbing against Jaejoong’s smooth, firm belly, feeling the piercing, making the older man chuckle.

Jaejoong presses tiny little kisses, coupled with kitten licks as he makes his way around the broad expanse of Yunho’s chest. While he enjoyed tasting the man underneath a layer of ice cream, nothing beats the scent and taste of his bare skin.

He loves the way Yunho smells, and he goes in search of a stronger fix, nosing off to the side towards his armpit, finally making the younger man laugh as he stops him.

The older man sits up again, pouting as Yunho shakes his head.

“You’re supposed to do as I say.”

“You haven’t said anything.”

“Why do you have to be so smart?”

“Why do you have to be so cute?”

Cute? Jaejoong arches his eyebrow. Clearly he’s not doing a very good job if Yunho still thinks he is cute. He leans up, licking a streak of drying cum slowly, eyes fully on Yunho, tongue extended in full as he cleans up the final evidence of Yunho’s earlier pleasure, before continuing his way up that strong throat, to his mouth where he plunges his coated tongue into a waiting mouth.

Yunho loves tasting himself on Jaejoong, and he sucks eagerly, hearing and feeling Jaejoong chuckling against his mouth as he feeds him his own cum.

Though speaking of which…

Yunho tears his mouth away, looking up into the glittering eyes of his lover.

“I want to taste you.”

Jaejoong smirks. “I don’t want you to move from this position though. What then?”

“Sit on my face and fuck my mouth.”

Jaejoong masks his choke as a cough, though it doesn’t fool the impertinent young man under him who smiles up, licking at his lips in anticipation. He knows he is in trouble when he sees the naughty twinkle in Yunho’s eyes as he speaks again, his voice cajoling and so very low and husky.

“Come on…you know you want to.”

Trying to recover from the deep shiver running through him at the words as he feels Yunho’s large cock twitch against him, Jaejoong tries to regain some control, but as he looks down at that cupid bow mouth, swollen and red from their kisses, he knows the fight is already lost.

He says nothing, sitting back up, his weeping cock smearing pre-cum over Yunho’s body as he crawls up over the man slowly. He holds in the moan, as Yunho’s dark eyes never leave his, so full of want and longing, and always with love, till he is straddling his chest.

Yunho’s eyes drop from his face to his cock then, and he imagines he can actually see the darkness of complete lust shroud his eyes.

“Can I touch you?” Yunho asks, swallowing heavily as he watches the Jaejoong’s cock swaying enticingly in front of him, bobbing just out of reach. His mouth is parted, his breathing uneven, Jaejoong’s weight on his chest is uncomfortable but he doesn’t care.

Instead of replying, Jaejoong moves further up lifting himself off, and bending over Yunho’s head, the head of his cock finding the waiting mouth easily, and he is unable to contain the loud gasp as he thrusts into that warmth, hips rocking shallowly as Yunho’s lips grasp the tip, sucking and licking.

The heady scent of smell of Jaejoong fills Yunho’s senses, and nothing else exists apart from the beautiful man over him. He moans long and deep, as the taste of the older man hits his taste buds. Jaejoong pulls back then, looking down at him as he smears his parted lips with the dewy liquid leaking out as he pumps his cock slowly.

“You like that, baby?”

“More…”

Jaejoong watches as Yunho laps almost hungrily at the head of his cock, once again their eyes never leaving each other.

A bomb could have gone off, and neither would have noticed, so entranced and caught up in each other.

He shifts, pressing his cock further, slipping pass those wet lips, into Yunho’s warm mouth again, and he smiles as the younger man moans his appreciation, his eyes rolling back slightly, and Jaejoong takes the opportunity to move yet again. He bends over once more, both palms planted firmly against the floor as he starts to thrust slowly.

Yunho needs to get used to the piercing grazing his upper palate, and the way it clinks against his teeth. But the sound is oddly erotic, the only sound apart from their steadily increasing uneven breathing. His mouth opens and stretches to accommodate his lover, Jaejoong not as big as he is, but still substantial enough. The man’s thrusts are slowly quickening, getting a little more erratic, and Yunho is starting to have trouble sucking in a breath, his mouth full and nose tight, but the headiness of everything Jaejoong, makes him care nothing for his discomfort.

Jaejoong is way too close to be able to hold back, and his thrusts become more urgent, eyes clenched shut as he works his cock in Yunho’s appreciative mouth. He is aware enough to be able to feel the difference of having a tongue dragging against the bottom of his piercing with every pass, the way Yunho’s teeth graze against him every now and again, though he can tell that the man is trying to shield his teeth. In this position, Yunho is powerless.

Though that lack of power is an illusion because Yunho can take control at any time.

But he doesn’t.

Jaejoong’s hips start to stutter, jerking unrestrainedly as he leans back slightly, moving to cup the back of Yunho’s head to get more leverage. Pumping hard as he chases his orgasm, blinking away the haze in his eyes as he looks down and sees tears leaking out of Yunho’s eyes from the punishment his mouth and throat is getting, and the older man groans in remorse, but he doesn’t stop. He cannot stop because he is almost there, but he moves again, so he is now cradling the back of Yunho’s head with both hands as he comes with a hoarse shout, his body practically curled around Yunho’s head as he shakes from the force of his orgasm, coming with a keening wail, pulling his cock out and spraying Yunho’s face and mouth with hot cum.

Yunho chokes as the first spurt hits the back of his throat, and he struggles to breathe and swallow at the same time, but his throat is not cooperating as his eyes close, trying to focus on the trembling body over him. He can feel the hot splashes of cum on his face as Jaejoong thankfully pulls out, reminding him a little of the wax play from earlier, and while the wax was hotter, Jaejoong’s fluids are branding him like nothing else ever can or will.

He can feel Jaejoong’s hands tangled in his hair, as he shudders through his orgasm, curling over him as if trying to get closer. Yunho sucks in as much air as he can, inhaling Jaejoong, feeling the slip and slide of cum flowing down his neck, the force of gravity strong.

“Jae…” Yunho manages to croak out, and he gets an answering grunt. He doesn’t open his eyes though he does smile. “You taste like heaven.”

Jaejoong lets out a shaky laugh as he tries to force his legs to cooperate, getting him out from the now awkward position. His muscles are all liquid, his body just wanting to flow and merge with Yunho’s.

“You are so cheesy.”

“But it’s true.”

“What is?”

“You taste like heaven. My heaven. Bliss.”

“Corny, baby.”

Jaejoong chuckles as he slowly rearranges himself, stretching out next to Yunho who is still smiling with his eyes shut, head tilted up towards the ceiling as he hums happily.

Jaejoong rests on his side, elbow propped, resting his head in his hand as he leans over and starts to clean Yunho up again with his mouth.

“Share…”

Jaejoong who is mid lick, tongue sticking out glances up as Yunho turns towards him, eyes opening, focused on his tongue.

“Oppa…share…”

Jaejoong simply leans forward, allowing Yunho to suckle happily on his tongue, the younger man making cute contented sounds, eyes drooping close again as Jaejoong presses in closer to deepen the kiss.

The rest of his ministrations continue in much the same manner, till Yunho is completely clean and not a drop wasted. As Jaejoong lies back onto the cool tiles, now damp with his sweat, among other things, he feels Yunho moving to get up just as he closes his eyes.

His eyes don’t open as he feels himself being lifted gently up, and from the steps that he takes, he knows Yunho is taking him to the bathroom.

Jaejoong has to laugh, about half an hour of being in the bathroom, as he comes down from his high after his third orgasm that night, feeling Yunho pull out of him, cum running down his thighs as Yunho lowers his leg from the crook of his arm gently.

“What’s so funny?” Yunho smiles as he leans down and kisses Jaejoong sweetly on the nose.

”Juices flowing down my thighs…” he sings in reply, making Yunho bark sharply with laughter, before he replies in kind.

”If you’re horny…let’s do it…ride it, my pony.

“Hey! I didn’t get to ride you.”

“You had your chance.”

“You know… I should have fucked you. I want to know what it’s like to push into something icy rather than warm.”

Yunho arches his eyebrow as his boyfriend turns away to grab the shower gel. “Well, how about I put ice cubes up your ass and then make love to you, and I’ll tell you how it feels.”

Jaejoong merely hums, as he ducks under the still running shower, washing off the evidence of his bliss as Yunho has taken to cheesily calling it. His thoughts drift though, as the haze of his orgasms are washed away in the water. The warmth and pounding jets of the shower are drumming thoughts into his head. The longer he stands under the shower head the more the world is brought back into sharp focus. The reality is that he is protected and in a world of his own when he is with Yunho. They create their own world for themselves, whether they realise it or not, and Jaejoong is belatedly noticing this. Nothing else matters but them, and for most people, this will probably be alright.

But Jaejoong has another life. A very high profile life that he needs to figure out. He cannot keep pretending it doesn’t exist as he holes himself up in the universe that only has him and the young man currently shampooing his hair. Yunho’s car is a casualty already, as is Changmin. Not to mention the other Anyang Halla players as well as the Jung family. Yes, he is protected, knowing full well Yunho’s parents will never let anything happen to him or their children if they can help it.

He cannot keep hiding though. He cannot keep going the way he has this past week. Actions have consequences, and inaction has consequences as well. He’s always had someone waiting to clean up his messes before, be it his company, his parents, and now even his boyfriend and by extension his family. His fans think he can do no wrong, but he knows better, so why is he continuing with that illusion?

What kind of man is Kim Jaejoong to continue living this way?

They both shower in silence, taking turns to step in and out of the shower, so attune they don’t need to speak or even gesture. Both are lost in their thoughts. Yunho is trying to figure out if a press conference before the game is a good idea, or if it should wait till after.

While Jaejoong…

His thoughts are much more painful, as he mentally runs previous conversations and scenarios over and over in his mind.

And every single time, he comes to the same conclusion.

Once showered, they quickly clean up the mess on the floor, Jaejoong insisting because he doesn’t want to leave it for the morning. He has his own reasons for that, but Yunho doesn’t know, simply complying.

Within fifteen minutes, they are both back in bed, hair still damp, but neither care. Yunho can feel the change in the atmosphere of the room, and he knows it is coming from Jaejoong. The man has been serious and silent for the last half an hour, and he wants to know why.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Jaejoong looks up from staring at Yunho’s nipple piercing that he has been flicking idly. He looks into the curious eyes of his younger lover, his heart clenching painfully. He stares for a few moments before letting out a heavy sigh that has Yunho stroking his hand up and down his back slowly, trying to offer some comfort.

How ironic that Yunho is trying to offer comfort to the man who is about to break his heart.

Jaejoong takes a deep breath, mouth opening but nothing comes out.

He furrows his brow, wilting tiredly, as his eyes drop from Yunho’s once again. He reaches out to continue circling Yunho’s right nipple. It is an absent-minded habit of his that doesn’t bother Yunho whom he knows enjoys the tiny shows of affection.

Little by little.

Kim Jaejoong is coming back, Hero Jaejoong is becoming a spectre.

At least, that is what Jaejoong hopes. He wants it to be so, and he believes this is the only way to ensure it. Spectre doesn’t always mean gone. It is there, just not corporeal enough to have too much of an effect.

His thoughts are flitting all over the place again, and Yunho’s hand caressing up and down his back slowly is making his resolve falter. He knows the longer he stays silent, the longer he waits, the harder it will be for him.

For them.

He takes a deep breath, and the words come out this time, as Jaejoong speaks slowly, in a measured manner, thinking and choosing his words carefully as he looks up into those beautiful eyes he loves so much.

“I think we've gone too far, too fast. I had a long chat with your mother and it's made me aware of some things.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Yunho’s answer is immediate and unwavering, as he falls into the glowing pools that are Jaejoong’s eyes. He can feel himself drowning, and as Jaejoong opens his mouth, words he never imagines ever spilling forth do, he does drown.

“Then let me go.”

Yunho’s hand tightens reflexively around Jaejoong’s waist, and his gaze slowly turns from one of languid satiation to one of disbelief at the older man, but Jaejoong’s expression doesn’t change and his eyes on him don’t falter.

“What?” Yunho’s voice is a whisper, as if not understanding, asking, but not quite really wanting to know.

Jaejoong starts rubbing Yunho’s forearm soothingly, dropping his gaze from Yunho’s eyes to that beautiful mole on his upper lip.

“Let me go. Let me find my way. I need to know I can do this on my own without my mask. That I can be Kim Jaejoong on my own. Not U-Know Yunho's Kim Jaejoong. Not Hero Jaejoong. I've been lost for so long I don't know what's up and what's down anymore. I told your mother that I had half a life with my career and then you came along and for a brief moment, my life was full. You gave me the courage to separate myself from that which was sucking my soul, and yet without my career, I don't feel empty.”

His eyes turn back up to meet dark almond ones that still hold shock. He can see it so clearly despite the darkness, and he almost falters, but he cannot. For both their sakes he cannot.

“You fill my life, but I need to know that I can exist without you. It's not an experiment and I'm not running away. I don't want to have to rely on your strength all the time. Like you said, a relationship is a partnership. When one falters, the other has to pick up the slack. I know full well how capable you are of picking up my slack, but I need to know that I am strong enough to be there for you if you ever falter. I don't want us to come to that day and I find myself lacking. I cannot want to be Kim Jaejoong, and then fall back into Hero Jaejoong when it gets too hard. I have to learn to deal with things as Kim Jaejoong, who has a part of Hero in him. But I am not the Hero Jaejoong that everyone sees all the time. I cannot hurt you because I am not strong enough to figure out who I am.”

His hand moves from Yunho’s forearm, cupping his cheek, thumb caressing gently.

“I can't do that to you. I love you too much.”

The silence between them is comfortable as it has always been, but the tension is slowly creeping into it. Yunho is almost frozen, his hand still on Jaejoong’s hip, unable to move, trying to compute the words. His reasoning fails him this time, as all he can think of is that Jaejoong wants out.

Jaejoong’s eyes drop to Yunho’s cupid bow mouth again, staring at it, as he whispers, his words imploring, seeking and hoping the younger man will understand.

“Perhaps this is the wrong step, but I need to learn. Despite me having supposed control of my own life, it never truly was mine. It belonged to my agency, it belonged to my fans, and to an extent, I am hiding behind you even now too. I’m not alone, and I’m not lonely. I still have you, but I need to leave to become stronger for both of us. Please understand. Please… will you let me go?”

“Are we breaking up?”

Jaejoong frowns, his eyes darting back up to see the confusion in Yunho.

The heart break.

He can see it in his eyes, and his resolve falters again.

But then a memory of a time not too long ago, as he lay in a sterile bathroom, so out of it, he was practically hysterical as he laughed and cried, and then cried some more, before calling his mother, reaching out to her. But it felt too late for him then. And he doesn’t ever want to get to that point again. He was so alone, he believed himself deserving of nothing. Life was meaningless.

His life has meaning now, and he wants to learn how to appreciate it. He doesn’t want to do it the easy way, using Yunho as his crutch. He doesn’t want his life’s meaning to equate to Yunho because that isn’t healthy. Perhaps he is short-changing himself, believing too little of himself and what he is capable of, unlike the young man he is hurting right now whom his father once joked would believe the sun rises and sets with Hero Kim Jaejoong.

But Mr Jung is wrong.

His son doesn’t believe that. It may seem that he does, but he doesn’t. But Jaejoong knows the younger man loves him deeply enough that if he had to believe that, he would.

Yunho is the fire to his ice, but he needs to meet him halfway. Two extremes may work in the short term, but can it be sustained in the long term? People say opposites attract, but there has to be some common middle ground.

So he needs to do this for himself. He needs to be a little selfish for the greater good of both of them.

It all sounds so grand and right in his head, but faced with the shimmering almond eyes of the beautiful young captain of Anyang Halla, Jaejoong almost gives in.

Almost.

“Now who's the one not listening, Yunho-ya? I'm too tired to make love your brains out till you listen,” Jaejoong attempts to joke as he bends his head, pressing their foreheads together.

Yunho inhales shakily, getting a lungful of Hero Kim Jaejoong.

It makes sense to him. It actually does make sense to him. And he has no one to blame but himself. He is pretty sure it was him who told Jaejoong to pull his head out of his ass. And with the clarity, comes the sacrifice.

And he is the one being sacrificed.

He blocks out the thought as soon as it enters though.

No, he corrects it.

The sacrifice goes both ways. He believes in his boyfriend, and examining the “evidence” in a detached manner, he knows Jaejoong would not give him up without feeling the pain from it. He knows there is a good reason for this, but the kid in him, the insecure little Jung Yunho who loses his heart so quickly, only asking that it be returned in kind, is struggling to remain detached. He cannot be objective. He knows it makes sense, but it hurts.

They both remain quiet, breathing in each other, Jaejoong waiting as Yunho struggles with himself.

Rational vs irrational.

Which will win?

“I’m kidding...maybe,” Yunho finally speaks. The war still raging within him, but his words offer a hint of which side might win.

“Yunho, you're not one for lip service. All your pretty words and your strong actions to show me how much you trust me. Were they lip service?”

“No…”

“Then let me go, baby. Let me find my way back to you.”

Yunho bites his lip, feeling his age. In this relationship so far, Jaejoong while dominant at times, has always been a tad immature, his emotional growth stunted due to the industry he is in. When it comes to anything emotionally heavy, it has always been Yunho who takes the lead, more attune with his feelings than the rock star.

But the tables have turned, the roles reversed, and Jaejoong is finally being the thirty year old man he is. At least, Yunho can now see evidence of it. He is twenty-four and feeling the age disparity acutely all of a sudden.

“I can’t…”

Yunho starts, and he hears the change in Jaejoong’s breathing as he sucks in his soft gasp. He wants to meet Jaejoong on the same terms. He can be mature about this. He can walk the walk so to speak, and not just talk the talk. Jaejoong is trying his best, and Yunho can only return in kind.

“…But I will.”

“Yunho…”

“One kiss,” Yunho’s voice is an aching whisper, knowing deep down that this will be his only chance at a goodbye. “Can I please have one last kiss.”

Jaejoong chokes on a sob. The dam finally breaks for him, as he shakes his head, pressing closer to the quiet young man.

“No, baby. It starts with one kiss, it doesn’t end with it.

“This is a start?”

“It definitely isn’t the end. I’ll show you…i’ll show you I can do this. I will come back to you.”

“One kiss…”

Yunho can taste the salty evidence of the older man’s tears as their lips meet. Jaejoong’s stuttering breathing through the hot flow of tears is making it difficult to do more than press their mouths against each other’s, but Yunho knows how to calm him as he pulls him close.

They lips memorise the contours of each other’s as Jaejoong’s breathing finally slows down enough for them to kiss properly. This kiss is unlike any of the previous kisses they have shared that night, but it is the one kiss that makes Yunho’s heart shatter and reform and shatter all over again as it continues.

Jaejoong finally pulls back slightly, whispering shakily, breathing against Yunho’s mouth, refusing to break contact, knowing this will be their last kiss for awhile.

“We are one…”

Yunho agrees, responding in kind, the words trembling on his lips as he struggles with himself.

“One heart.”

“One kiss.”

“I’m your only one.”

“My only love.”


~~~



The next time Yunho opens his eyes, the sun is shining brightly, as if the universe is trying to tell him that everything will be alright.

But nothing is alright as he sits up, painfully aware of the emptiness next to him.

His eyes roam around the room, and he can see the gaps where someone’s belongings used to be. Most of it is still there, but those are the stuff still in boxes. Anything else is gone.

There is no trace of him.

He almost misses it in his sorrow, but as he turns to lay back down, he sees the corner of something sticking out from under the other pillow.

Yunho slips his hand under the pillow, pulling out an A4 size photo.

YunJaeselca

He remembers taking this, but he doesn’t recall them printing it out. Jaejoong must have done it in the home office judging from the paper. He wishes they’d taken the photo with his phone, but they didn’t.

He stares at it for countless moments, before finally flipping it over, not really expecting anything to be there, but he is wrong.


I never went back to sleep. I lay there for so long, listening to you breathe, unable to stop the flood of tears. I want to believe I’m doing the right thing, but I’ve come to the realisation that unilateral decisions about a partnership is not the right way either. I know I still need go, but I need to know that we’re in this together. I contemplated leaving you with nothing but a memory of me, only existing in your mind, but I couldn’t. The insecure bastard in me wants you to remember me while I’m gone. It’s a silly photo, and I look stupid but you look gorgeous and that’s all that matters. I wanted you to remember me not as Hero but Kim Jaejoong. And me in my face-pulling glory is him.

I’m going to pay attention to your games, baby. We both know you cannot hide how you feel on the ice. You cannot fake it. Be my MVP for me while I’m gone and I’ll know for certain that you believe in me. I know this might be a little unfair of me to ask, especially since it is me who is leaving, but I need to know we’re in this together, and I know myself, but not being able to see you will take its toll. I know this. I’m doing this for us. I need to know you know this. I still need you no matter what you think, so show me.

Remember…trust doesn’t come from words.

You play your best when you’re in love.

Show me that you are still my MVP.

That we are one.

I love you.



Yunho grips the photo tightly, his eyes swimming, but no tears fall yet. They don’t fall.

Not till he moves his hand, and sees the four lines in the bottom right corner of the photo. There are musical notes around it, and as he reads, the tears finally spill over.


You are already my soul
How to live without you?
Oh you are my love, where are you?
You are my love forever…










AN: Sigh… It is times like this when I realise why some readers choose to hold off commenting fully when I split chapters into two parts. I’m sure almost none of you saw this coming. Hell, I didn’t quite expect it this soon :-/ Some of you may think I’m being cheesy but I’m not. Those weren’t gratuitous insertions. I’m going to go curl up in my cave now…

here hereeeeeeeee......... ^^

gossshh i'm crying for real..
this is the beautiful break up i've ever read.. T.T
i hope jae dont leave yunho for nothing..
and when it times to come back to yunho's arms,, they wont be separate from each other ever again..

P.S : this line make me soooooo damn envy of jaejoong...
"............ nosing off to the side towards his armpit .........."
i want it toooooo...... for reaaaaallll.... *sobssssss*

OMG after reading this part of the chapter i feel like the rug beneath me has just been tugged out out of nowhere. Harshly. I guess I was lulled into a false sense of security wrt their relationship, and I'd thought that after all the lovemaking they had finally come to a mutual understanding. Well, turns out the understanding wasn't exactly 100% mutual, and I really thought that Jae will make some progress with Yunho physically beside him. Oh wells, they'll eventually find their way back to each other...

you are right.. They are too fast.. Yes and they need to seperates for a while..

Sometimes people need to apart from their love to find their own self..

T.T Heartbreaking but I guess its for their own good?

my tears fall when i see the pic .. T__T
i hope when they find their way back to each other and being together again, there isn't thing can make they separate again

But everything was so right !! Why cant u find urself with Yunho next to u?? T.T
Gosh....xD
Keep Going girl , i missed this fic thanks for the 2nd update ?!

Comments will come later. I promise ^^

Here it goes...

I see they have managed to get onto the floor to complete Kiss B. ^^b

This part is so much hotter than the first part.
When I got to the end of the chapter, it seemed clique that after having amazing sex, Jaejoong wakes up to reality.

I had guess that Jaejoong would realise he needs to both find and grow into being Kim Jaejoong. He has been Hero Jaejoong for so long that he has lost that part of himself. He should be Kim Jaejoong who has Hero Jaejoong at his alter ego and not the other way around.

Some part of me knew that Jaejoong would have to go away or get away to find himself as things are moving way to fast. However, I didn't think he would ask Yunho to break up.

Somehow I feel like Yunho doesn't really understand why Jaejoong needs to break up. But he is doing what Jaejoong wants because he really loves Jaejoong and he trust Jaejoong.

Now, the question is what becomes of Yunho? Will his trust in Jaejoong keep him in love to be able to perform his best on the ice while Jaejoong is away? Or some problem or crisis happen like a blast of the past walks in?

I cannot predict what happens next and it excites me because I cannot wait to read what you will write.^__^

Edited at 2013-03-07 03:10 pm (UTC)

Yep .. didn't see the breakup coming.

That's all I can say ...

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Oh!! How..why...*sobs* anyways if its for the best then *sigh* just hoping the next chap will be full of fluffiness again ~_~

i'm still at school gdi i dont want to cry at school ;;;;;;;;;; jaejoong's message is so ssueglshdowhwlhdoagdoavsk

I actually loved this half of this chapter. I just realized how this could be a "lightbulb" moment for Yunho in the other fic "Love in the Ice". Also what I liked about this separation is that it is a chance for both of them to become strong. Not only will Jaejoong become strong but Yunho as well since he used to play horribly if he is not in a relationship with someone :O And I also love how Jaejoong is not weak, and the Yunjae trust and bond is amazing.

oooh this is such a nice viewpoint! makes me feel better about the break up lol >_<


can't say im not sad they're breaking up, but i'm looking forward to how this matures their relationship...

Hot damn u make cum sound so delicious

i have mixed feelings about this but it had to be done..jae had a point about why he had to leave..does not make their separation any less painful though..yunjae hwaiting! <3

OMG!!! WHY?! Good thing I held back earlier......I see why they need separation Jaejoong needs to find himself again....But please dont separate them for too long....I night die! not that anyone cares. I need to read your drabbles again to lift my spirits up....cant wait for the next update....Please update soonnnnnn!!!