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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...


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Ice [22a]
YJ06
beeswaxing
Title: Ice
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Length: Chaptered
Genre: AU, fluff, romance, mild angst, drama
Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story. I wish I had YunJae and if I had my way, they'd move to New Zealand so they can be civil-unionised here

Summary: Yunho knows ice very well. He is the youngest team captain in the history of the best professional hockey team in South Korea, bringing his teammates to glory time and time again. But a little something has been missing lately, a spark that everyone has grown to recognise from the young man. His teammates know exactly what’s wrong but he refuses to acknowledge it. Jaejoong is much too young to be this cynical and jaded. At least, that’s what his parents say, but what do they know? They love their only son and only want him to be happy despite not agreeing with his rock star lifestyle. When the 29 year old finds himself in rehab after a sort of accidental overdose, his tearful parents give him an ultimatum. Now he has to figure out what to do with the ball of ice that is his heart…


AN1: THIS IS A RE-POST WITH 5,000+ words added to it so you need to re-read. YOU HAVE TO RE-READ.

AN2: All credit to Ran who made the edit included in this fic :O






“I feel like a damn penguin,” Kangin complains as he tugs at the collar of his shirt for the umpteenth time. Anyang Halla are the personal guests of Hero Jaejoong at the pre-concert cocktail party, the dress code on the invite is formal. And Kangin, feeling a little out of depth at the whole thing had opted to go as formal as he can imagine.

“No one said black tie you idiot.” Han Geng teases him good naturedly as he snags another flute of champagne from a passing waitress.

“All of Yunho’s charity events were full of penguin suits. How the fuck was I supposed to know the difference?” Kangin growls as he snags not one, but two flutes of champagne from another girl, surprising her as he downs both in quick succession before dumping the empty flutes back on her tray, apologising as he goes.

“Isn’t it too early to be getting sloshed?” Junsu comments drily as he joins the duo with Yoochun in tow. They are both dressed simply in suits and ties, and he smirks slightly as he eyes the older man up and down. “Are you attending a wedding? Did I miss something?”

Kangin simply grunts in response, reaching for another flute of champagne but he is thwarted by Han Geng who grabs it out of his hand, passing it easily to Junsu, as he shakes his head at his friend. “If you get wasted before Hero even gets here, you’ll be in trouble for sure regardless of the care you put in your…” he eyes the bigger man up and down and smiles, “…outfit.”

Junsu passes off the champagne to his boyfriend, warning him lightly, “This is your only flute of champagne this entire night understood? I can’t believe you got hit in the head again.” To counter the effect of his words, he slides his arm into the crook of Yoochun’s and nuzzles against his ear.

Both Han Geng and Kangin roll their eyes at the couple. Yoochun is the clingy one, not Junsu who is usually more detached, but the other team had taken out their inability to catch Yunho during the game on the two other forwards, and now both of them are injured. Junsu has a split lip, while Yoochun was once again subbed off after a particularly hard check that sent him crashing to the ice and into a wall. Yunho had been absolutely livid, as were Han Geng and Kangin, and the game had ended in a blood bath - for the other team.

Kangin punches Yoochun lightly in the shoulder when he turns to lick at Junsu’s injured lip. “Stop it you two!”

Uncharacteristically, Junsu kicks out at Kangin, getting the man dead on the shin which makes him howl, drawing attention from the room to themselves. If his clinging is not indication enough that the centre forward is more upset about the whole thing than his stoic yet playful countenance usually gives away, this random act of violence definitely is.

“Su-ah, it’s ok.” Yoochun drops his arm around Junsu’s waist, and then sneaking lower to squeeze an ample ass cheek as he leers cheekily. “I’ll prove to you how ok I am later…”

Junsu rolls his eyes, smacking his boyfriend away. “Alright, you’re clearly ok if you can say stuff like that.”

“Twin towers, incoming.” Kangin warns the rest, his eyes on the door. “Fucking hell, they’re not even wearing ties.”

“And yet, they look even more dashing than you,” Yoochun teases, earning himself the finger from the defenceman, making him laugh instead.

Yunho and Changmin, stroll up to the foursome, both wearing identical amused expressions.

“We could hear you from outside, hyung,” Changmin starts, and his expression becomes even more amused as he takes in the other man’s outfit. “And what’s up with the tux?”

Kangin waves his arms, almost hitting a passing waiter with a tray of canapes. Everyone laughs at the dirty look the young man sends their teammate, before they all crowd around the man to minimise any further mishaps. Changmin grabs a couple of flutes of champagne for himself and Yunho, before gazing expectantly at the slightly irate ice hockey player.

“The stupid invite said FORMAL. How the fuck was I supposed to know formal means something else? I’m a jock not a freaking socialite or something like our captain here.” His voice is laced with disgust as he grabs Yunho’s flute and downs the contents before anyone can stop him.

“What you’re wearing is black tie, hyung,” Changmin tries to explain but he gets a grunt and an annoyed hand wave in response. Kangin is not a cheap drunk, but he is not used to champagne, and the bubbles are all going to his head.

“Everyone wore these stupid penguin suits at Mama Jung’s functions. I’m sure the invites said formal.”

“Formal, black tie optional.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know the difference?”

“Calm down, hyung,” Yunho pats the man on the shoulder, shooting a glance at Changmin who looks poised to argue. “It’s no big deal. You look great.”

“Great? I’m suffocating.” Kangin tugs at his collar again and this time manages to unravel his bow which he pulls off in disgust.

Yunho laughs, taking the bit of material from Kangin’s fingers, looping it around his neck and making quick work of the bow. “There? Feel better? You look like Max now and I’m the one who is ovedressed.”

Kangin takes a closer look at Yunho, and then at Changmin. He eyes them up and down, and then pauses at their hair, before he makes a rude sound, pointing at their hairstyles. “What the hell is up with that? You two not tall enough? You needed to add another two inches with that birds’ nest?”

Yunho grimaces as he picks up another flute from a passing waitress, taking a quick sip as he cards his hand through his styled hair.

“Yeah, Max. What’s with the hair?” Han Geng asks as Changmin takes on a mutinous look.

Everyone exchanges glances, before Yoochun voices everyone’s thoughts.

“Jihye?”

Changmin makes an irritated sound as he exchanges his empty flute for another. He is definitely feeling like something stiffer as he recalls the epic battle he had earlier with his new girlfriend. He is the kind of guy who is comfortable in hoodies. Yes, he dresses up for Mama Jung’s functions, but as he pointed out to Kangin, the occasion calls for it. This one is merely formal, and he is damn fucking sure that a shower is all he needed. But no, his dear little monster of a girlfriend had rounded on both him and Yunho with matching dress jackets and pants, no less. And if that was not bad enough, she had insisted on playing coordi, makeup, and stylist “noona” all rolled into one. He is still marginally bitter about Yunho being a complete pushover, letting his sister do her worst, barely even commenting as he spent most of the time smirking and texting into his phone, talking to Hero.

So now he is stuck with hair as stiff as a fucking board, standing straight up off his forehead, and he is pretty sure that Kangin is spot on with the two inches comment. He saw Yunho’s hand get caught in his hair, so he is not even going to try and stick his own hand in his hair. He is sure Jihye used a whole bottle of hair spray on him. The fumes are enough to kill him that is for sure. When she tried to attack him with a fucking concealer stick on some imaginary zit that only she can see on his chin is when he draws the line.

And the result was a yelling match that by the end of, he really has no fucking clue what happened. Jihye had stormed off in a huff, and Yunho was just shaking his head at him.

“Jihye then. She did a good job though. You clean off very well, Max.” Junsu comments, and he chuckles slightly as Changmin frowns instead of smiles at the compliment.

“Speaking of Jihye, where is the little Miss anyway?” Yoochun asks, looking around. “I thought she’d have come with you two since she dressed you and all.”

“Don’t ask,” Yunho mutters as he glances over at Changmin. “Min can’t keep his girlfriend in check.”

“Speak for yourself,” Changmin retorts, his expression defensive. “You’re the one who gets bullied by his own damn baby sister. Seriously, was it so hard to back me up back there?”

“Dude, I didn’t even know what the fuck you two were arguing about. I’m not getting involved in your domestic issues.”

“Speaking of domestic,” Han Geng jumps in hurriedly, as the two tall men eye each other belligerently. They definitely have the attention of the room despite the fact that the other guests are all bigger stars than they are. This is a private function with only the guests of the performers in attendance and thus, a very small and select group. They are the VIPs for the night, and while this is by invite only, it is also a donation opportunity. Each invite comes with a mandatory donation, all of which has been covered by Jung Group for Anyang Halla. The CEO and his President are not able to attend due to previous commitments, but they are well represented by their able son and…daughter.

“Don’t ask what I think you’re going to ask, hyung.” Yunho interrupts, his voice slightly morose.

“Trouble in paradise?” Yoochun asks, and while his words might be flippant, his expression and tone is not really. After being punished by Yunho earlier on the ice, he knows better than to prod his sensitive captain about his boyfriend.

“I don’t know…” Yunho sighs as he looks around the concerned faces of his teammates. These are his brothers and he can count on them. They will be there to catch him should he fall, especially if his security net named Hero Kim Jaejoong decides to break somehow. “Jae’s been acting a little weird. But maybe it’s just my imagination.”

“What’s going on?” Junsu asks, “Is he getting a little antsy about moving in?” When Yunho nods in affirmative, Junsu continues. “Remember when Yoochun finally moved in with me?”

“Oh god, here we go again,” Yoochun mutters, taking a step away from Junsu, moving closer to Han Geng and Kangin, as if they will offer him some safety.

Junsu sends him a baleful glare, before turning back to his best friend who is nodding at the memory. “I thought Yoochun was going to break up with me. But the idiot was just terrified and didn’t want to tell me. Seriously, two years together and you’d think he’d have learned to open his fucking mouth to tell me he is scared but no, he makes me feel like I’m the one at fault instead. You and Hero have been together what? Two months? Officially? Unofficially? I don’t even know anymore, but whatever it is, it’s fucking fast.”

Eyebrows go up at the centre forward swears. Junsu is not inclined that way, which makes everyone listen closer.

“So cut Hero some slack ok? He’s been alone most of his life, and suddenly you two are picking out kitchens together. Even I’m a little weirded out.”

“Do you think it’s too fast?” Yunho asks quietly, his eyes on his best friend. He’s known Junsu the longest, and while his friend is not as smart as Changmin, he really values the man’s opinions.

Junsu shrugs as he pulls Yoochun back against him, draping his hand around the other man’s waist, and squeezing his hip. He thinks about it for a moment, before replying. “I think it works for you. But it doesn’t work for everyone. Hero has never had a relationship by his own admission, and he’s following your lead here. His own nature will rear its head every now and again. You just can’t expect him to skip to your tune all the time. He takes his cues from you I think. He wants you to be happy, and he goes along to some extent because he doesn’t want to upset you, but I think you should take a step back and give him some space too.”

Five pairs of eyes are staring at Junsu, three of them with slackened jaws.

“Wow…when did you get so…wow…” Kangin marvels as he looks at the usually simply, and normally good-natured young man.

Everyone else is expressing similar thoughts, causing Junsu to protest laughingly.

“What? I can’t occasionally be insightful? You guys are terrible!”

“I love you, Xiah Junsu.” Yoochun declares seriously, making his boyfriend blush at all the sudden attention. No one even makes gagging sounds as they are wont to do when Micky gets greasy, because they get what their friend is trying to say.

The moment is broken though when Kangin is finally unable to take it anymore. The amount of alcohol he has consumed also goes some way in making his tongue a little looser.

“Seriously? We’re Anyang Halla. We just bloodied Nippon Cranes so badly that they will probably still be talking about the game in weeks to come. And we’re standing around now talking about feelings? What the fuck, dudes?

Everyone laughs, agreeing good naturedly. Some comment about mingling, but after a quick discussion, all opt against it. The earlier game really was more brutal than they let on, and coming straight from that to this is tiring even for a team of Anyang Halla’s calibre. All the men simply want to enjoy the food, drink and concert that is to come.

They stand in a loose circle, but the twin towers, as Kangin calls them, are off to a side slightly.

“Do you think I should apologise?”

“To Jihye?”

“Yes.”

Yunho wrinkles his nose as he eyes the older man. “Do you know what you’re apologising for?”

“Not really…”

“Then I suggest you don’t. She’ll be even more irritated with an empty apology than the lack of one.”

“But—“ But the older man does not quite manage to finish his sentence, as movement by the door takes his attention away. His eyes soften as he gazes at the beautiful girl standing tall next to Hero Jaejoong. The room is hushed at the newest arrivals, but the two only have eyes for the two tallest men in the room.

“Calm down, Jihye.” Jaejoong murmurs out of the corner of his mouth. He can practically feel the young girl vibrating. She had gone to him after her fight with Changmin, and they have been together since. Somehow, miracle of miracles, he manages to talk her out of writing Max off as being hopeless, pointing out that her own behaviour had been somewhat immature. By the end, an angry Jihye has turned into a contrite Jihye.

“Oppa…I don’t know if I can do this.”

Jaejoong knows she is not talking about Max for now. During their conversation, other things emerge. The teenager is insecure about her role in the family, wanting to be like her mother, but not really believing she can be, though truly believing she has to be somehow.

“Jihye, you’re your own person. You don’t have to be like your mother. Even your brother isn’t like your mother. No one expects you to be anything but yourself. We will all still love you.”

“You love me, oppa?” Jihye’s voice is teasing, but Jaejoong can hear the slight waver underneath it.

She is still a teenager, and despite the bravado, wants to be accepted for herself. And even as she asks, he realises that his answer is the truth.

“Yes, I do. As much as an older brother can love a bratty little teenager still trying to figure herself out in this big bad world. I’ll protect you, Jihye, as much as I can. Forget about being your Mama ok? Just be yourself. Jung Jihye, teenager, trainee stylist and girlfriend of that tall drink of water over there who cannot take his eyes off you.”

“Oppa…” Jihye turns her shining eyes to him.

Jaejoong chuckles as he pats her hand. “Stop looking at me like that before Changmin decides he should be castrating me instead.”

Jihye laughs. The girlish sound so unique, and so out of place in the room filled with people older than her. She is dressed in a short, black strapless dress with a slightly pouffy skirt. There is a liberal sprinkling of glitter, and she is not really showing more skin than anyone else there, but her youthfulness is apparent.

Even more so when she leans up to press a kiss to Hero Jaejoong’s cheek, before turning and running towards her boyfriend in her towering heels.

Who cares about how undignified it is? She is a teenager and will damn well act it.

The reunion is a bigger shock to the goaltender than he lets on, as his stunning girlfriend slams into his arms, hugging him tightly around the neck, her face buried against his throat.

Yunho quirks an eyebrow at him, as Jihye mumbles all sorts of nonsense against his friend’s throat. He turns away, letting them have their privacy, almost walking straight into his own boyfriend.

“Hello, gorgeous.”

“Right back at you.”

Jaejoong smirks, looking over Yunho’s shoulder before he takes another step forward and crosses his wrists around the back of Yunho’s neck. He leans back slightly, gazing up at the taller man.

“Jihye seems to know how to greet her boyfriend. Learn from her?”

Yunho looks over his shoulder, turning his gaze forwards almost immediately as his sister is in the process of pressing a shy, chaste kiss against his goaltender’s mouth.

He smirks at the expectant look on his boyfriend’s face, and he leans forward to press an identical kiss to his mouth.

When he draws back, that famous pout meant only for him is in full bloom. The rest of the room is stunned though, having never really seen this side of Hero Jaejoong. The chatter starts up instantly, the room absolutely buzzing. Phones are whipped out, and photos are taken.

Hero Jaejoong.

Pouting.

Yunho simply smirks, reaching behind his neck to capture a hand as he tugs his boyfriend to a nearby table and they sit down. He lets Jaejoong fuss over him, as the man tries to flatten his hair, mumbling nonsense every now and again. The rockstar is a little nervous, which Yunho finds interesting. He stays quiet though, letting Jae do whatever it is he wants to do. Junsu’s words about giving the man some space is bouncing around in the back of his mind.

Jaejoong’s mouth is still pursed slightly as he fiddles with Yunho’s sleeve, before he moves to tug at the bow tie.

“Where did you get the bow? Jihye said she made you match with Changmin. She even dressed me.” Jaejoong gestures to his own open collar as he tugs Yunho’s bow loose. Yunho says nothing, simply gazing fondly at the older man who colours slightly as he drops his gaze.

They are silent as Jaejoong continues to fidget, and Yunho is content to just stare at the beautiful man when they are interrupted by Yoochun.

“Look! You two are already circulating the SNS.”

“SNS?”

“Social Network Sites, or Services, whatever.” Yoochun shrugs before placing his phone on the table.




Has the Ice Prince thawed?

Hero Jaejoong, pictured here with his boyfriend U-Know Yunho. You can be forgiven for taking a second, third maybe even fourth look at the stunning couple. Hero, a star more accustomed to walking around with a perpetual sneer on his face, his eyes like diamond shards of black ice as he dares you to speak to him, was captured just minutes ago, fussing over his young boyfriend. Insiders have admitted to being stunned at the change in the rock prince, and you can see for yourself how the star has softened.

Has East Asia’s Ice Prince thawed? Check it out for yourself.


Ice22a



“Ice prince?”

Jaejoong rolls his eyes, drawing back slightly, as his pout transforms instantly into that sneer he is so known for as he stands up abruptly, Yoochun’s phone in his hand, held up over his head.

“Which one of you sent this to the tabloids? I can’t even fucking attend a private function without finding my face in the news? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

His gaze is dead cold as it surveys the now quiet room. He makes a disgusted sound as he continues.

“We’re all here for a charity concert, and you taint it with your deceptive ways. If you’d wanted a photo, you could have fucking asked. I thought we’re all here for the same purpose, but clearly not. I’m really not fucking interested in this fucking bullshit. Enjoy your drinks.”

He tosses the phone at a silent Yoochun, growling out an apology before he turns to leave.

As one, Anyang Halla leave with him too, though Changmin and an extremely irate Jung Jihye hang back slightly.

The young girl is more her mother than she believes as she stops just before exiting. Changmin by her side, she turns to look at the room. Her gaze is cold as well as she surveys the uncomfortable occupants. The silence is awkward and unnatural.

“You couldn’t leave it alone could you? Hero Jaejoong is one of you. An idol like you. An artist like you. A musician like you, and yet you couldn’t leave it alone. Just once, he shows a bit of himself, thinking that he is among his peers. People he thinks understands what it’s like to be in the glare of lights twenty four seven. Where every move in noted and dissected. He is in a roomful of people who should have known better.”

Her voice is clear, ringing loudly, and extremely carrying. Nothing and no one can touch her because despite her age, she is Jung Jihye.

Her name means something.

And every one in that room will know it by the time she is done.

“And yet you do this to him. Something he would never ever do to any one of you. He is my oppa and I will protect him the way none of you ever will. But you know what? He would have protected you had you asked for his help. You know darn well that I am speaking the truth. Think about that. Think about what you just did today. It might be nothing to you, but it is something to him. Which means it is something to my brother. And in turn it means something to me. As my mother, Jung Ji Young would say, family comes first, business comes second.”

Her chest is heaving from the effort to calm down, and her fists are clenched, but Jung Jihye is fully aware of every word she is saying. Her final words ring of a warning that she knows from the depths of her soul to be true.

“Do not mess with my family, because you will lose.”

With that, she turns on her heel, Changmin only just managing to snag her arm before she storms out. He slows her pace so they leave in a dignified manner, and the goal tender could not be more proud of his young girlfriend.


~~~



“You’re turning into your brother-in-law,” Yoochun teases as he nudges Jihye’s knee. She is seated in Changmin’s lap, her back to his chest, her arms crossed as she stares out at the MCs on the stage in front of them. They are at the charity concert being held in memory of the earthquake and after over three long hours of Japanese stars, it is ironic that the show is being closed by a foreigner.

Hero Jaejoong.

“What do you mean?”

“You have a perfectly good seat next to Changmin, and yet you insist on sitting in his lap.”

“Oppa is more comfortable. Plus you’re sitting in my seat.” Jihye points out. She tilts her head and rubs her temple against Changmin’s cheek, making the older man chuckle. She has been feeling mellow and slightly out of sorts since her outburst. She had second-guessed herself almost immediately, but Changmin had been there for her the whole way. Her boyfriend both supportive and understanding as she cries in his arms as they rejoin the rest of their family. She was right about Jaejoong, because one look at her face when she entered his dressing room, and he was ready to march back out and tell everyone to go to hell.

Really, she wonders how Hero can do it on a daily basis. Or even her mother and brother for that matter. To be that firm requires way more energy than she ever imagined. She is actually feeling rather tired, both physically and emotionally, and all she really wants is to return to her hotel room.

They are all sitting in the VIP seats, along with most, if not all of the guests from the cocktail reception. Several people had come up to her to offer their apologies. No one has admitted to taking those photos, and Jihye knows that no one probably ever will, but it is a start.

The MCs are droning on about the amount of money they have raised, and Jihye is bored. Her brother had stayed backstage with Jaejoong, and she really does not even want to entertain any thoughts in relation to them because they will all turn south.

Well, as south as her mind can go. She is still very much an innocent, Changmin not pushing her at all in that respect. The thought has played over and over in her mind, and she knows her brother was a smidgen older than her when he lost his virginity. It is one of the things she talked to Jaejoong about as well while hanging out with him, and while the comical expression of horror on his face at the subject is one she will probably never forget due to the sheer hilarity of it, he was also the perfect sounding board for her thoughts.

Unlike her family, she knows he did not mince words with her. Her brother would have flapped about in disbelief and then possibly threaten to punch Changmin. Though really, he is one to talk.

Her parents? Well, she really does not want to trouble them with this. It is weird enough already that her mother does not mind her sleeping over at Changmin’s apartment, though she has a feeling the woman has already had a stern word with her boyfriend. She needs to get him to spill about that for sure.

She is distracted from her thoughts by Changmin as he puts his phone in front of her.

She blinks in the darkness, and when what she sees registers in her mind, she starts to giggle. The warmth in her heart reaches her extremities as she stares at the animated gif on his phone.

dishonour on your cow

“Oppa…” her voice is soft in the darkness as he tilts his head closer to hear better and she nuzzles his cheek. “I love you.”

Changmin wraps his arms around his girlfriend, cheekily dropping his phone on her chest as he kisses her nose. There is more to the beautiful girl than most people can see. She is like an onion, and he is rather enjoying taking the time to peel away the layers. Just like an onion, she practically brings him to tears. Tears of frustration that is. But she is worth every single salty drop.

“I love you too.”

“Oh god, enough with the mushy. Seriously, what’s with today? First Xiah is all weird and then Hero and now you two. Am I missing something? Was there something in the champagne?” Kangin complains as he elbows Changmin. He rolls his eyes as Jihye sticks her tongue out at him.

“You’re just jealous, oppa. Why don’t you and Hannie oppa hook up?”

“Bite your tongue, little girl. Why are you talking about such things? Watching Xiah go nuts every time someone hits Micky is enough for me to stay clear of Hannie.”

They are still bickering quietly when the lights suddenly go out at the arena.

The sudden hush in the large venue is as if thousands upon thousands of people have suddenly drawn in a huge collective breath and are holding it in. There is not even a murmur of conversation. This next performer has been out of the limelight for weeks. This is his comeback so to speak, though the star himself is not labelling it as such. In acknowledgment of his current situation, the organisers are more than happy to allow him free reign over the three songs he is contracted for.

If he chooses to debut his new songs, it will be a coup for them. The concert is being recorded, and will be sold as charity DVDs for the relief efforts. If Hero Jaejoong chooses to perform his new songs for the first time, as promised in his press conference all those weeks ago, the DVDs will sell like hotcakes.

The organisers have no idea what the man is planning. He had brought his own band, and his rehearsals had all been done on a closed set. All they have are the light cues for the three songs, and the videos provided. Anticipation is running high. While some of the more puritanical authorities are a little worried about the uncertainty of what Hero Jaejoong is about to do, their voices are more than drowned out in the furore, and sheer fervour for the man.

No other artiste commands such respect.

No other artiste inspires such insanity.

No other artiste demands worship.

Love him or hate him, no one can deny that Hero Jaejoong is practically a god to the Japanese people. His charity work in Japan alone could fill a novel, and his court fight against his previous entertainment agency over this work is legend.

What Hero Jaejoong has always had going for him is public sentiment. Authorities may hate him, dislike what he represents, and find him completely unpalatable in general.

But the people love him. For whatever strange reason, they adore him.

And without the people, there is no authority. It borders on disturbing the way he can turn the loyalties of a crowd with the snap of his fingers. Anyang Halla is more loved now in Japan than ever before, because of him. Their fan club has more Japanese members than South Korean. It does not matter that the team, led by the striking figure of U-Know Yunho, decimates the home team. The cheers are always for them regardless of this fact.

And the thunderous roars of approval when Hero Jaejoong skates out onto the ice to meet his lover is like a united seal of approval. This is a man who can do all the wrong in the world, and yet still redeem himself in the eyes of the public.

Netizens and couch critics abound, shredding every single move of idols that come out of South Korea.

All but Hero Jaejoong.

The man lives by his own rules, and everyone knows it. He dares do what no one else does, and it is as if the homogenized society lives vicariously through him. They may not willingly want to approve of his behaviour, but they do not want to see him crushed by their societal constructs either because he is what he is.

Unafraid.

Unapologetic.

The video starts, projected onto three screens at Sapporo Dome.

A human heart, beating.

The thudding resonates throughout the complex, and for the more fanciful, it feels as if the hearts of everyone is beating in sync.

As one.

Everyone watches as if hypnotised, even Anyang Halla. Jihye, a little more used to the rock star than the men surrounding her is no less mesmerised. The macabre-ness of the video is nothing new to fans of the rock star, and the anticipation is palpable in the Dome. The electricity crackling from that anticipation swells through the crowd, moving like a tidal wave. Ripples of red wink in the darkness, as the crowd begins to move.

The beauty is tremendous. United in their love for Hero Jaejoong, Sapporo Dome swells in red, as everyone starts to wave their lightsticks.

The most incredible thing about this red ocean, is that it was not sanctioned.

This is not a Hero Jaejoong concert.

But it might as well be.

The dull thud changes slightly, as the drummer takes up the beat from the video. The restless crowd is still silent, watchful and waiting.

Eyes search the stage in the darkness, wondering, waiting, desperate for a view of the man most of them practically worship as a deity.

A man human enough to show his flaws, and yet godly enough not to be ruined by them. Hero Jaejoong knows how to manipulate the crowd.

And the rock star has not even appeared on stage.

The beat changes imperceptibly yet again, and a gasp is heard among Anyang Halla.

“No!” Yoochun’s voice is low, his eyes wide, pupils dilated in the darkness of the arena.

“I think that’s a yes, hyung.” Changmin whispers back. He knows why Yoochun has exclaimed.

And still that beat continues, repeating over and over in a seemingly endless cycle. The drummer with his bass.

Yet the crowd remains quiet, though the steady hum from whispered voices grows.

They know their idol. They know he will not care to hear them before a time that he deems appropriate. No one is meant to scream till he actually appears on stage.

“What is it?” Jihye whispers, her voice almost trapped in her throat from the wait. She knows Hero. He is her oppa, holding her when she cries, and teasing her when she is a brat. But tonight, here, he is not her oppa. He is Hero fucking Jaejoong. And even knowing him offstage, she cannot help but shiver in anticipation.

“Don’t you recognise the song?”

“It’s just a drumbeat, isn’t it?” Jihye asks. She dares not even look away from the stage. Her boyfriend is still holding her but all she cares about is her idol. She swallows hard as the beat becomes even louder, and she swears she can feel the vibration deep in her soul. And she knows everyone else can feel it too.

Hero Jaejoong pulls you in.

He fucks with your soul.

And then he spits you out.

Everyone is powerless to stop him.

And he has yet to even step onto the stage.


You let me violate you…



That voice.

The crowd erupts. He did not even sing those lines, merely speaking into the microphone. No one cares that probably half the audience them have no clue what he is saying.

That wicked twist in his voice that will show itself on his lips is present, and the crowd goes wild. He drawls out each word, caressing it almost lovingly, but his touch is cruel. The way that silky voice wraps around those suggestive words, his voice is his weapon.

And the crowd keeps going. Shrieking so loudly that even Anyang Halla are amazed. They know this man, but they are not prepared for what it means to know him. The screams are deafening, surrounding them, drowning them.

The fans are starved. Going weeks without any news of him save the sightings at Anyang Halla games, everyone sucks in those five words as if it is the food of the gods. They drink it in, quenching their parched souls, and just like drinking from the Devil, all it does is make them thirst for more.

That steady beat keeps going.

And the crowd slowly peters out back to a hissing murmur. They know their idol will not give them anymore if he is not pleased with them.

That steady beat continues, as inexorable as the tide.

Sapporo Dome is beating as one.


You let me desecrate you…



“Oh god…” Yoochun whispers shakily, his eyes searching the black stage. The sheer wall of sound coming from behind him is almost impossible to believe. And still Hero Jaejoong has not sung a single word. But he knows this song, and he knows what is coming.

“Not god, oppa…” Jihye whispers almost absentmindedly. Her eyes are fixed dead centre right in front of her. The length of the cat walk is almost too long, and she cannot see into the inky depths of the stage.

That giant heart is still beating on three screens, perfectly in sync with the beat of the song.

In sync with the crowd. There is no doubt their hearts beat for this man who is nowhere to be seen.

“Jae…” Changmin whispers, just as the next line comes on.


You let me penetrate you…



The cruel smirk Hero is so known for is especially evident in this line, and the screams rock the Dome.

And Anyang Halla are blessed to be in the proximity of one of his biggest fan girls.

Gone is the bratty little sister of U-Know Yunho.

Gone is the unwavering young woman who faced down a roomful of international artistes.

Boyfriend? What boyfriend?

Jihye is screaming her head off. She is on her feet along with the rest of the Dome, waving her lightsticks madly and just screaming and screaming and screaming.

Music transcends language.

And his voice transcends every single barrier you can think of.

The voice of an angel twisted by the devil.


You let me complicate you…



And the lights finally go up, illuminating the man centre stage who has the heart of every single person in the venue within his firm grasp. They are his for the taking, and he knows it. Time means nothing.

His signature black sunglasses and leather trenchcoat are in place. His mouth is pressed against the microphone. His lips are tugged into a seeming smile as he surveys the sea of red before him. They are chanting his name.

He lets the voices of the crowd wash over him. His heart is thudding just as madly as everyone else’s he is sure, but absolutely no one knows this.

No one but Yunho. They had both been under the stage together, Jaejoong safe in the arms of the younger man, as they listen to the crowd screaming.

One single line is all it takes.

Yunho had been nuzzling his ear as he said the first line, and it had almost made him laugh.

The wicked words his boyfriend had whispered in his ear after that though, give him the smirk that translates into his voice.

Yunho promises that they will worship him.

And he was right.

The screams do not appear to be ceasing any time soon, and Hero Jaejoong finally lifts his hand up. A wicked looking claw ring glints in the bright light, as the steady thudding from the drum continues.

Silence takes over the crowd swiftly, all eyes on the stunning man standing alone in the middle of his stage.

Where he belongs.

He rubs his mouth against the head of microphone back and forth.

Teasingly.

His smirk is there in full force, and the crowd cannot take it anymore. Gone is the beating human heart on the screens, and in its place is a breathtaking man. The closeup of his face causes some in the audience to tear up, and if you asked them why after the concert, they will not be able to explain themselves.

Something about him evokes extreme reactions. The spectrum of human emotions veer exponentially in every direction when it comes to Hero Jaejoong.

Anger.

Love.

Lust.

The crowd is vibrating, practically bursting at the seams, waiting for a sign from their idol.

His smirk widens, the amusement almost palpable in his features even though practically half his face is hidden behind his thick shades.

Then he exhales.

And for this crowd, that is more than enough of a sign to let loose.

The noise is beyond anything anyone has heard yet. And the live band finally starts up, accompanying the still steady beat of the drums.

And Hero Jaejoong finally sings.


You let me violate you…
You let me desecrate you…
You let me penetrate you…
You let me complicate you…



Anyang Halla are gaping. A man they now consider a friend is untouchable to them. So foreign and remote on that vast stage, standing in the bright lights by himself. He is practically hugging his microphone stand, one ankle curled around the base as he sings. And they are even more taken aback when the stadium suddenly roars.

“Help me!”

Jihye is one of them, her back to the men, completely forgotten as she stares at the mesmerising man onstage who does not bat an eyelid as the Dome adlibs the fan chant. He has never performed this song before, and yet, they know what to do.

“Who is this man?” Junsu whispers, now sitting in Yoochun’s lap and leaning over towards Changmin. A quick look past him reveals Han Geng and Kangin staring slackjawed.

Changmin shakes his head as the arena vibrates again with the voices of thousands.

The music changes slightly, the arrangement of the song differing from the original as Hero Jaejoong takes hold of his microphone, his other hand grabbing it halfway down the stand, and as he starts walking with It.

His steps match the beat of the song, and the crowd roars their approval as he moves closer to them. His trench coat billows out behind him as he stalks down the catwalk. Tight pants tucked into his knee high boots, Hero Jaejoong walks as if he owns the stage. A few weeks out of the limelight is nothing for the consummate performer, his worries vanishing the instant the fifty thousand strong crowd takes up the chant.

He finally stops, perhaps fifteen feet from the edge of the stage, right in front of the VIP area.

The second he drops his mic stand, the screams start up again.

Chanting his name.

He leans back deceptively casually on his heels as he turns to gaze out at the ocean of red. His gaze sweeps across, from left to right, his eyes hidden, his mouth giving nothing away.

And still that beat keeps going.

After what feels like an eternity, he steps forward, flush against his microphone stand, almost curving around it as he whispers darkly into the metal head of the microphone. His voice is low and guttural, promising so much pain with the pleasure that is synonymous with Hero Jaejoong.


I want to fuck you like an animal…



The last syllable is dragged out so deliciously, the words more a warning than a promise. It is also the cue for his band to start up again, and the music resumes.

He tilts his head, only the corner of his mouth touching the head, as he holds up his clawed finger in front of him, swirling that finger languidly in a circle, rotating his wrist, the entire action purely suggestive.


I want to feel you from the inside…



“Fuck! Fuck, fuck fuck!” Yoochun is muttering an incoherent litany as he watches, squirming uncomfortably in his seat. He knows he cannot be the only one thinking about that finger and that line…


I want to fuck you like an animal…



And he takes his microphone off the stand, the hand with the clawed ring now circling loosely around the stand as he pumps it suggestively, before sinking slowly to his knees, singing the whole time.


My whole existence is flawed…



One knee now on the ground, as he drops his chin, looking out from over the rim of his sunglasses.


You get me closer to god…



His voice is low and raspy, with an eternal promise of unspeakable thrills in every single fucking word. The purity of his voice, so beautiful and otherworldly, is tainted so thoroughly by a touch of darkness only he manages to bring forth.

Liquid sex.

And the heavy bass and drum beat continues, as his mouth pulls up into a sadistic smirk.


You can have my isolation…
You can have the hate that it brings…



And in the blink of an eye, his tone is now sneering as he regains his feet and replaces the microphone onto the stand.


You can have my absence of faith…
You can have my everything!



“Help me!” Sapporo Dome screams.


Tear down my reason…



None in Anyang Halla notice that they too are now participating in the fan chant, too caught up in Hero, and the electrifying atmosphere of the crowd.

“Help me!”


It’s his sex I can smell…



Those who know the song, recognise the minor change in lyrics by him, and those who do not, get the idea when Hero Jaejoong slowly licks the head of his microphone, his piercing scraping across it, echoing out of the speakers. The result is the same regardless; hysterical screaming from every corner of the Dome.

“Help me!”

The next fan chant is less in unison, most still shaken from what the star just did.

He smirks in satisfaction.


He makes me perfect…



And he extends his hand again, but this time palm up, towards the audience, asking.


Help me become somebody else!



But when the chorus starts again, gone is the imploring hand as he clutches at the microphone, the clawed ring grazing his cheek as he growls out the chorus.


I want to fuck you like an animal…
I want to feel you from the inside…



He makes yet another lewd gesture with his clawed finger, a sensual vow of torment underlying each and every word.


I want to fuck you like an animal…
My whole existence is flawed…
He gets me closer to god…



He steps away once again from the microphone, rocking on his heels, his upper body swaying with the music, his wrist draped over the body of the microphone. His foot is tapping in time, his hips taking up the beat as well as it slowly dies out.

As the last notes ring around the stadium, he finally speaks. His tone is somewhat amused, as he once again surveys the crowd before him.

“Do you think this will make it into the charity DVD?”

The swelling roar makes him chuckle.

“You can register your complaints with the organisers if it doesn’t make it.”

And somewhere in the executive booth, several men are howling in dismay. There is absolutely no way they will be able to cut his performance out now.

Hero takes his sunglasses off, tossing it in the general vicinity of Anyang Halla, and it is caught easily by Jihye who squeals happily, hugging it to her chest as if it is the most precious item in the whole world.

Notwithstanding the fact that she can just ask him for a pair of sunglasses should she want them.

But the thought never even occurs to her, as she stares at him with adoration shining in her eyes.

“Did she just squeak?”

“I think you just lost your girlfriend to her brother’s boyfriend.”

“I’m starting to wonder if I ever had her.”

Hero Jaejoong waits till the crowd quietens down again before he speaks.

“I will be singing—“

However, before he can continue, a steady hum of sound starts up. He pauses in surprise, because he is never interrupted while speaking.

And when he finally realises exactly what the noise is, he takes a step back, and then a second, unable to hide the shock on his face as tens of thousands of voices swell in song. His eyes drop to the VIP area, and he can see Jihye, her eyes tearful as she sings along with everyone else. Her face so like her brother’s, the beating in his chest stutters slightly, as she waves her lightstick and gives him a thumbs up, singing her heart out.

About three years ago, in an uncharacteristic move, he wrote a song. A love song for his fan club, though he has never ever admitted it as such. It was an after thought on his album because it is so unlike anything he normally puts out. He has only performed it once, at another charity event, and he has forgotten the song even exists.

Till today.


Kimini mitsukaruyouni motto kagayaku kara…



The feelings coursing through him are indescribable. And he tilts his head up, staring at the domed ceiling, blinking rapidly to will away the tears that have filled his eyes, as his red ocean sings to him.

Give something to get something back.

Mama Jung’s words resound in his head.

He has given his all to his music and his fans. Everything he has, and he never truly believed anyone notices. He may wear a mask, but his music and his words are what he really is. He hides nothing then.

And they know. His fans know it, and they are telling him they know.


Keep in mind that we love you…



He hears the adlib, and a genuine smile tugs at his mouth as he drops his chin. He can be Jaejoong for them too, for it was Jaejoong who wrote composed that song, not Hero.

And they love him still.

The vast venue is hushed, waiting for a reaction from the man standing alone on the stage.

After what seems like forever, Jaejoong steps up to the microphone stand. The close up of his face starts a further round of tears in those who are not already crying. His dark liquid eyes are soft, a shy smile on his face, something normally reserved only for Yunho.

He brings the microphone to his mouth, singing a single word quietly.

“Kitto…”






















AN: If you don't know what song Jaejoong sings at the start... IDK what to do with you :P

Edit: OH MY DEAR FUCKING GOD SOMEONE LEFT A COMMENT AND LINKED THE SONG WITH JAE... I JUST DIED. SO IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SONG JAE SINGS... CLICK THIS LINK http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxoJyNrvNFw AND IF YOU DO KNOW WHAT SONG JAE SINGS, CLICK IT ANYWAY. I WAS A MESS BARELY A MINUTE IN OTL



Honestly, I don't know what song it is, but OMG! O.O

WE CAN LEAVE COMMENTS AGAIN?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY!
UM, THE EXTENDED PART WAS FABULOUS!
The concert is more emotional than I could ever imagine.

OMFG OMFG JUST OMFG... AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~
I really RE-READ this and OMFG I don't even know how to sort my feelings after this and GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH ;;A;;
first thing first... JiHye... OTL I totally love her character in here... LMAO, and the way she squeaked and go fangirl all the way even with Changmin around.. I just TOTALLY love her!!!
and Yunho... *-* how do I even explain how envious I feel right now... your love for Jae that never wavers.. your understanding for him and never ending support... gawd your just too perfect I can't even... TT TT
and Hero fucking Jaejoong... you just made me.... had a lady boner... just because of a single fucking song OMFG ARE YOU FOR REAL?! JUST KILL ME NOWWWWWW KILL MEEEEEEEE I'M ALL YOURS FOR THE TAKINGGGGGGGG!!!
UGH I should stop.. seriously.. Jae you're not healthy for me anymore.. OTL
and when the fans sang W... TT_________TT
I remember that moment of JYJ at ToDome during the lawsuit back in 2009... I can clearly imagine Jae's shock expression and I just cried...
seriously.. how can this fic be so sexual and then humor and then turn into angst.. I don't even know what and how to feel I just friggin love this fic and... ugh~ I'm so lost for words on how to even describe my feels right now...
Thank you Nicki...~ <3 thanks for the update... I so wanna hug you right now <33

You opened up the comment box again?

Anyway, I haven't heard Nine Inch Nails' Closer for a long long while. Man, I forgot how sexual that song is! Aish, are you trying to kill people here? Jae singing Closer. and Yunho at the backstage! hul.

Ayeee!!!! I can't contain my emotions. I cried when the fans sang. I sobbed when he sang "kitto.."

Aigoo. I love it! I love it. *bows down to you*

P.S. Changmin and JiHye is pure <3

You make me cry......

Kitto ... and i cried.

I pretty sure the extended part kills lots of your fans LOL! It's great - emotional & kind of a closure for Jae (in terms of his feelings for his fans cause he finally realise that they really do love him back as Jae & not just Hero). Won't it be great if Yunho goes on stage & hug Jae too. I can picture YJ bowing to the crowd as thanks....

I really don't know the song! But considering the lyrics...it's no wonder i don't know it. Would have been banned in Malaysia.

BTW great ending. Just one word "Kitto" & it encompassed so much meaning in it.
PS. love to get the comment section back.

The comment section is back...*hugging you tightly and don't let go*....the comment section is back...😂

I'm not good in remembering lyrics, so have no idea of what songs JJ is singing. But it gives me chills thinking of what he can do to me...ok ok....what it can do to Yunho.

Hero Jaejoong singing 'Closer'? I can't even think now OTL

woow.. you open up the comment section again? yeeaay :D
aaah this chapter is sooo ..... :"D
i love it so much <3

Author-shii!! this is very awesome.I absolutely love the extended part where Hero shows his true colour as Jaejoong. The songs you choose was so fucking good, 'Closer' is sensual and erotic.. W is always W, very nostalgic and sentimental and beautiful and heart-wrenching and and...(you name it)..

~ Btw author-shii, thanks for giving us the comment section back so that we can show you how grateful we are for your effort..~_~

Edited at 2013-05-27 01:28 pm (UTC)

This new edit makes the chapter so different; makes a lot more sense now. Reading the concert makes me feel like it's a fan account, so real it feels like I'm there too. The moves, the smirks, the smiles is reminiscent of his performance during the Mine fanmeet. Thank you so much for this update.

OK. i actually don't know that song but google-searched it anyway and O_O wow.

it's really not that hard to imagine jaejoong doing all these things... LOL remembering when i watched all his fancams from his Your, My and Mine concert/fanmeet... it was just... asdfghjkl!!! and he's not even my bias! OMG.

going back to the two towers entering the charity event... OMG. yunho and changmin just... that gif you had there... ASDFGHJKL!!! really. who can't not look at them both and drool and just... STARE.

and then that last part... where hero's fans sing W. that made me teary-eyed... then i remembered reading your oneshot epilogue Gayo Daejun and omg... TT_____________TT my feels... just... TTATT

after reading this... i am simply so much more excited for what you have planned for the second part of this chapter~XDDDDDDDD

update again soon!

Thanks for ruining one of my favorite NIN songs now everytime I hear it I will want to hear Jae's voice instead. lol great chapter can't wait for someone to get his just desserts.