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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...

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And November rolls around again. I had an epic meltdown a few days ago, and it took several hours for me to realise the root of the problem.

The 11th.

It's like everyone seems to just regress into what they were twenty years ago. My angry father, my disbelieving grandparents, my emotionally wrecked aunts and uncles.

And then there's me.

Running around the casket and smiling at everyone because I know my Mama is in a better place.

I'm not smiling now.

Twenty years to this very day
The memory of you hasn't faded away
Swings, laughter, a place in the sun

The phone calls are the same
The anger still there
But i'm used to it now, Mama
Really, I am

Do you see what your little girl has become?
Do you feel proud when you look down upon me?
Do I make you smile for surely heaven has no tears?
But then again this is me

Round and round the ragged rock
The ragged rascal ran
How many Rs are there in that?
Tell me quickly if you can

There are no Rs in that, Mama. Please don't be silly.

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So heart breakingly beautiful!
I'm sure she would be proud of how you are!
I can feel you, for I lost someone important too!
They're better off in a place where there's no pain or sorrow...

For me the date is 05.10.2013.... the day I lost my father

she must be proud dear
she sure is

Parents are always proud of their children but they hardly ever say so.

I am sure your mother watches out for you.
She will always be with you no matter what.

"Eventually all of the pieces will fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason."
--Orebela Gbenga

It's fine to miss someone dear to you eonnie. Cry and feel the pain. But then don't let it bring you down. I may sound like "meehhh. you're just a kid. you don't know anything. sounds so typical..blah blah" but then, I know how it feels to lose someone you love. It hurts but the people around me comforts me. I hope whatever you're feeling now, you'd be okay. *tights hug*

PS: I read then re-read and read it again till I got the part there are no Rs in that. ugh. me. =_=

So sorry that the 11th has become a bittersweet time. It always hurts when the memories of someone who has left resurfaces. Find your comfort in your memories and love from your mother. I'm sure she is proud of all that you have become.

Nicki..... *HUGS*

parents are a home for every children.. warm and welcoming whatever, wherever, whenever we become..

you are a such beautiful person.. the playful Nicki, the melo Nicki, the snarky Nicki.. we all love all of them.. and i am very sure your mom really really love you more than people around you.. not including your OH maybe? LOL

Im not sure how to interpret this or if i understood correctly. I am still in a state of disbelief and shock somewhat sort of like when my father died. I want to hug you....

Very beautiful.

(( )) big hugs.

I's sad that you're not happy during 11.11. I hope you'll feel better someday whenever this day comes. 11.11 is my birthday. I hope i can share with you some of my happiness. You're my favorite writer in LJ and i love you very much.

I has me a minor meltdown last night myself.lying in bed trying to sleep, brain wouldn't shut off and started wondering about what ifs that made me cry, go downstairs where the hubby was watching tv and cuddled up next to him so he could hold me and let me cry.

I still have both my parents, and I'm already so afraid of losing them. I cannot say I've been there, because I can only imagine, and I already don't want to do that...

Be strong. Life goes on, a day at a time.


Be strong my friend... Love remains even when they are no longer around.. Send them a prayer now n then...take care ne..

That is heartbreaking. I lost my father just before Halloween twelve years ago. I was 24. An adult. But it still hurts like fuck. *HUGS*

That was beautiful!!!
Big hug, Nikki!!!

Having gone through my own experiences and meltdowns recently, I feel there are no words I could say to make you feel better. That makes me sad since reading everything you write brings joy and happiness to me. I hope your OH and your family are there to comfort you. ~Nika

*hugsssssssssssssss* I am sure your mama is very proud of you, watching how much you've achive and what kind of person you've grown into from up above.

believe it or not, ur poem or whatsoever made me teary.


I was thinking it would be a happy day for everyone too. Today is peppero day and also veterans day.

Your mom must be proud of you even to this day. I think she appreciated the happy smiles that you gave to everyone knowing that you mom is in a better place.

If you'd accept it I would send you a *hug*

be strong Nicki... though I truly believe that you are strong.. ^^
I'm pretty sure that your Mama is very proud of you right now... she must be "Hey look, that gorgeous, strong and smart lady is my daughter." to all her friends in heaven..
she might be gone, physically but her memories and her heart will always be with you... ^^ take care~

Rest In Peace Mama !!!
i know she's proud of you and she's very good up there !!
awww girl *hugs you* !!

she must be proud of you.. why wouldn't she when her daughter make a lot of people happy with her stories... :')

"Always on my mind, forever in my heart"

I wanted to ink this when my father passed away just this March 14 of the year.

But I know they're looking at us and guiding us.

*hug you* .. so beautiful :')

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