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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...

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The 5 Whys
Let's play a simple game...

My technical husband played this game with me.

Problem: You keep getting attacked in fandom.

1. Why?
Because i'm an easy target.

2. Why?
Because i'm "everywhere" thanks to my writing and I have a personality that can cause people to hate my guts.

3. Why?
Because my stories are well-known somehow, and it's actually pretty easy to dislike me.

4. Why?
Because they don't think I deserve to be "popular" and hate that I am.

5. Why?
How the fuck would I know? I'm not the moron(s) being stupid about fanfiction.

My husband face-palmed.

Conclusion: So basically, according to me, I keep getting attacked because people are morons... And I realised that i'm dismissive as hell and it practically oozes out of my pores at times and probably should dial it back OTL

I played this game with atriums too.
Problem: I keep getting attacked in fandom.

1. Why?
It would seem that people are jealous to the point of irrationality.

2. Why?
Perhaps you've got something they've always yearned for, whether it be happiness, writing talent, a lucrative career, so on and so forth.

3. Why?
Because you worked hard for what you have, and maybe they've been working hard too -- striving -- but somehow they've yet to earn the things you have.

4. Why?
A sense of entitlement.

5. Why?
Avarice, envy, wrath, lust, acedia -- five of the seven "deadly sins" that I personally believe are all just nothing more than the basics of humanity.

One of my favorite lyrics is the line "Sorrow made you" from the song The Invisible Wall by the GazettE, a Japanese band. And it's true -- because if you do not know sorrow (if you do not know the seven "deadly sins", not just sorrow) then you would not know and appreciate things like love and happiness and be able to appreciate them.

It goes along with the fact that it's okay to not like something. It's okay to lust, it's okay to envy -- but when they start coming together in a melting pot it just makes hatred. And that's not okay.


Conclusion: April is far more eloquent than me and all this hate is just an aspect of human nature which I can actually subscribe to. What I can't is understanding why people feel the need to expend all this energy on hating someone they don't even know.

Now how about you play it too?

I hate Beeswaxing/Nikki.

And maybe you'll discover something about yourself.

It's all about the game and how you play it.
All about control and if you can take it.
All about your debt and if you can pay it.
It's all about pain and who's gonna make it.


Never let the haters bring you down. You totally rock in my book and you just got extra points on top of it! The Invisible Wall is one of my all-time favorite songs from The GazettE!

Keep up the amazing work and all your loyal readers will always be here cheering you on!

Lol that was April not me ;-)

Thanks for your words! I know y'all outnumber the less savory aspects of fandom.

I hate Beeswaxing/Nikki.
Why? This is stupid. I don't hate you.
Why? Cause I love you. Bweeeek! Sap!
Why? Sorry. I just grossed myself out with that answer.
Why? Cause i don't usually say my "i love you's" just to anybody...even my parents.
Why? Cause i'm a bitch like that.

Beeswaxing, i hope you enjoyed my comment. Don't worry about the haters. They're just in denial. They actually love you, they just won't admit it. Hahahahahaha!

Awwww shucks I got an I love you from you ;;

Your last statement cracked me the hell up. They're probably recoiling in horror now hahaha!

I'm averse to telling people what to do, so I would simply like to make a recommendation.
A woman only has so much time and energy each day so give it to the things that matter the most: Your husband, your family and friends, your work, your hobbies and yourself.
Idiots who cannot understand that writing is your hobby, your personal opinion, and your creative outlet don't deserve a single second of your time. Their words are offensive, crude and irrelevant. Take them for what they are, frustrated expressions of anger from people who lack tact, talent and/or tolerance.
Nikki, fighting (^_^)!

My husband woke me at the bloody crack of dawn this morning (he goes running) and asked "are you still thinking about the morons?" and I was barely awake and replied "why the hell would I be thinking about morons?" and he said "exactly".

He has a point and so do you.

IDK how many times i've hoped posts like these will be my last, only for some other shit to crop up to make me go wtf is wrong with people. The shit over the weekend in particular was interesting to me because I think a lot of my readers went out of their way to shield me from it. The comments I did receive bringing my attention to it were either from people who thought I should know about it, people wanting to see my reaction or simply vindictive people who enjoy watching drama unfold.

I hate ignorance but I have a feeling it's come to a point in my fandom life that for me to continue peacefully, ignorance is bliss :-/

As for time, don't worry about that. I'm very good at utilising every single second i'm given :-) People don't realise that time is the rarest commodity of all for once you lose a second, you can never get it back. I've wasted so much valuable time on this that both you and my husband are right. Enough is enough.

"Hate" is a strong word but if I hate Beeswaxing, I'll hate her bcoz she oozes writing ideas that i can't think off. That's all. I can't hate Nikki bcoz I don't know her personally.

Edited at 2013-12-01 10:08 am (UTC)

It is isn't it? I couldn't think of any other word to use though. Some writer I am, eh?

So, I usually keep my silence on account of my being a near totally antisocial lurker, but having been around various fandoms for over a decade I've seen this song and dance more times than I care for. It always makes me furious.

I'm all about writer entitlement. I have two words for entitled readers: "Ungrateful bitches."

Or in the words of the legendary Dean Winchester, "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole." The writer is the driver.

Also this: "And I realised that i'm dismissive as hell and it practically oozes out of my pores at times and probably should dial it back OTL" Half the reason I love you so much is because of your attitude. I think you're awesome!

Also I will help hide any bodies... just saying.

i don't hate you cause i don't know you personally so it means i have no reason to hate you. on the contrary, we seems have same passions which give me the reason to like you. peace! :)

Yes! Sharing the same passions is awesome. Thank you.

This is difficult eonnie T^T

I hate Beeswaxing/Nikki.
-Because she plays this game and I can't think of answers.
-Because I just love her and her writing.
-Because everything she writes is 'fresh' unlike those other fics I've read.
-Because she's just what she is.
-It's her freaking talent that what comes out from her ideas are like Changmin's remarks. Sometimes mean, fluffy, cute and etc.

PS: I tried. I SWEAR I TRIIIIIIIIIED~ But I think I failed to make you believe I hate you. LOL :p

Re: This is difficult eonnie T^T

Lol you're adorable :P

(Deleted comment)
I've heard that before. And like you, I just don't understand it. I appreciate you coming out of ghost mode to talk to me lol ;-)

Why is a question I never ask...simply because it always brings the negative thoughts out...
But I will ask..."how"...because I feel that "how" will in fact bring out the points that we tend to overlook^^

The game is my husband's. He uses it at work to get his architects to think in order to find the root cause of a problem. It's kinda simplistic but from a technical viewpoint, it has its uses. It's harder to use in a context like this because it's coloured by personal opinion and a lot of speculation (on mine and April's part for example) rather than hard facts but it does make you think and that was all I wanted ;-)

I think you both got it right. Especially the morons part. Ignore them haters as Mich as u can., try not to let them get to you. Hwaiting

And thanks for writing always

if.. i come to hates you.. well maybe i will have to say I hate Beeswaxing/Nikki.
Why? of your too straightforwardness

Why? sometimes i can't really take your wicked jokes, but since i love you, i don't have enough reason to hates you just for this

Why? Nikki is just simply awesome, so maybe that's why ppl hates you.. (not me tho)

Why? you seems not real.. it's like.. your life and your love life looked too good to be true (i love your perfect love story with your OH)

Why? Nikki oh Nikki.. talent people always hated.. so just try to get over it LOL

Dude, do you really think i'd air all my RL dirty laundry? What you see are the good parts of my marriage lol. If you met us in the first 2-3 years you'd think we're about to divorce daily the way we argue.

Actually, that's not true. I don't hate anyone (except Changmin...and Jaejoong...and maybe Yunho...but not because they're talented).

hmm.. if u change it to ' I love Beeswaxing/Nikki' I'll join the game, and maybe 5 whys wouldn't enough.. they are bad, they hurt you and make me sad, but you are awesome and I love you.. we love you!! :D

Lol no way i'm playing that game :P Thank you for your love.

Aww man, people's actions and words are always a reflection of themselves instead of the other persons. Don't let it get to you bb, understand that it's they themselves that are unbalanced and it has nothing to do with you at all. Not trying to pull a guru here or anything, but just hope this might make you feel better. /virtualhug

Hehehe, on a side note: I LOVE YOUR STORY TO DEATH!
Like someone said above, they are always fresh, fluffy and I always do not know what to expect. This must be the flow that you have been talking about! Keep writing nikki! (in a small voice: mostly due to my own selfish addiction to your stories) Haha, have a great day ahead!

Bravo my dear! Simply put & yet so clearly stating the problem.
Hopefully the haters will actually think about it & realize how foolishly & inefficiently they have used their energy and time to hate someone. It might not change them now, but hopefully it will actually plant a seed to something good in the future. What people don't realize is that people rarely thinks before they act (they think they know but they don't practice it). What is worst about it is that they don't realize you can't take back the words that you have used to hurt another.