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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...

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Gone too soon...
Most of you probably didn't notice the AN in Babies and Kittens. I wrote it for this anon...


I had so many words in the last hour or so, all playing out in my head, repeated back and forth ad nauseum but no way for me to put pen to paper so to speak as I was out.

My words are fewer now but the sadness remains. It was barely a week ago when she said goodbye to me and I was stunned and in disbelief and probably in denial as well. She has never made herself known but I remember her because she told me that Sleeping Beauty helped her get through the months she spent in hospital.

Please spare a moment to send supportive thoughts to her family.

I wish I could do more, but I cannot for I didn't even know her. I do know that she has left an indelible impression on me. I know I receive a lot of love, but sometimes the hate does get through and no matter how cold and unfeeling I try to be, it will affect me to a certain extent. What she has given me though is a lighthouse in the gloom. I will always think of her whenever I feel like enough is enough. She is proof of something my husband said a few months ago when I raged about people taking my fic without permission and proceeded to lock my journal.

"Do you want to be responsible for the tears of an unknown person because you took away one of the things that genuinely made them happy in a fandom that you describe yourself as 'broken, fandom is broken'?"

I have so many silent readers, and I can never know how something affects them. This is why I am so very thankful to her for sharing with me her love for Sleeping Beauty because her love for that universe outweighs all the hate I get. Using an SB analogy - she is to me in this fandom what Jaejoong is to Yunho. A shining light that I will always remember and be thankful for.

To Ellen...you can pass this message on to her husband if you like.

I can't imagine how he feels, but I know what it's like to be that daughter. My mother was the Jaejoong to my father's Yunho, and you'd need to know the man to understand how very cold he is. My mother was from all accounts, his light. She was taken too soon from him and there is a direct link between her passing and my existence. I hope their daughter grows up knowing what a kind person her mother was, and that she has touched so many people and indirectly made them happy for I can promise that if I do think about quitting fandom, it will be her memory that will likely convince me not to.

As usual, i'm rambling. I was much more eloquent in my head and now i'm just strangely at peace. She's given my crazy thoughts and feelings about fandom a semblance of direction.

A lighthouse in the gloom...

Love may not conquer all, but it will do a damn good job of trying.

She will not want us to be sad, so remember her kindly and send positive and healings thoughts to her family, her husband and little girl especially. She was 26, like me, and her bias was Yunho...

So I will leave with this :-)

May you rest in peace, free from the pain of this world, surrounded by the light that shines in your soul and in the legacy you have left behind in your child and husband.


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What i think is that through you there are more people who will pray for her soul that will guide to her new journey.

I will include her in. My prayers. Thank you for sharing.

knowing that u r that much nearer to God, makes the loss a bit (teeny tiny) easier to take it.
rock the heavens girl!


Love is indeed a light. Sending my prayers.

rest in peace dear anon.may god help your family and specially your daughter good people leave us soon it is what my mother says so I think like that .

I think went you had that post where some if not all silent readers came out voicing their opinions, I think I have read her tweets. And I was like "awwww~ it's amazing how a fic or a certain someone can affect life of others".

May she rest in peace and her family be strong.

be blessed Nicki eonnie! goodnight~

may she rest in peace
and may his loved ones get strength and light

oh my god, I am sorry to hear that.. RIP,
Baby girl because your mama love you so much, she will watch and protect you from heaven up there, so don't be sad..

Losing someone regardless of how well you know them can be so painful. As your writing is to help relieve your stress for you, I think for many of us it helps us to escape the stress of our own realities if only for a short while. For that I am thankful for your kindness in sharing your worlds with us. My prayers are with this young woman's family in this difficult time.

i hope her soul with at peace now.. and she is really light for us too Nicki.. thank you so much for sharing her story to us..

I don't especially believe in any God and I don't pray so to speak... but,to me, to touch people is what is left after our depart. So that you'll remember her alongside her family, friends and now some of your fans who know what she's done for them by convinving you not to quit will be what's most important... I hope wherever she is, she's painfree.

I hope her family finds the strength to carry on:) god bless and may she rest in peace.

i pray for you anon and your family,,

Condolence to her family. May she rest in peace.

I will think of the anon and her family in my prayers.
Rest in peace.

I m sure she is in heaven know and she will spread her wings above her loved ones. R.I.P. lovely soul

May she rest in peace and I'm sending my condolences in her family... she's in a good place now and I know that she's happy... I didn't know her but from what you have wrote in this entry, I know that she is a good person...

My nephew once asked me "why do good people always die young?"
I always asked this question too...and only when I'm 17...I came up with my own answer till today...
"Good people die young because God is in need of more guardian angels"
And so I believe that God took her home to be a guardian angel...

I can only send my condolences to her family...
I will never measure the grief her family is going through...
But I know how is it like to loose the "light" in life...I hope her husband can find his new light in his daughter...after all...children are the most precious gift a wife can give to her husband and vice versa...

Edited at 2013-12-15 03:08 am (UTC)

May she be at peace. Thank you.

Nikki this is so touching, it brought tears to my eyes. I remember seeing her note in your ask, and I almost cried then too. She was a sweet person. It's sad when a young person is taken too soon, especially a young wife and mother... but she was so sweet and optimistic. Prayers for her husband and daughter. Thank you for your post. I imagine her smiling from heaven seeing how she's being remembered, and how many people she's touched. And that Yunho gif, gosh. He's such a sweetie too, he'd probably cry if he knew about her. Lovely post.

rest in peace dear anon reader.

May she rest in piece! I will pray for her family. I believe this is why the fandom is not so bad after all. I remember seeing her ask and I was like I hope she gets better but...oh god...I hope she is happy where she is and she can see DB5K from above and protect them like the angel she is :)

it's sad to lose such a person. i may not know her but through you i think she was a good person with passion and love for your Sleeping Beauty universe. may her soul rest in peace. i hope her family will become stronger and will stay together even though she's now gone. i can understand what losing a beloved family member feels like.

I actually started nodding as soon as you used her quote. I think hers was one of the reasons I decided to definitely send an encouraging note to you. May she rest in peace and I pray that her family, remembers her smiles more than her tears. I lost my mom at an early age and the memories sustained me. On December 22nd it will be 34 years...I'm glad I had time and I wish I had focused on that sooner! I think that's the one point I'd like to stress.

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