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All skin and no shame

...innocence is just an illusion...

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Wishing On A Star [2/2]
Title: I’m Wishing On A Star
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Length: Oneshot
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Fantasy, fluff, supernatural, a little non-AU, mild angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Warning: VERY BRIEF, mild underage kissing.

Summary: A little boy makes a wish, not realizing that all magic has a price…even the magic of Christmas.

AN: I needed an outlet for my feels...thank you everyone for being with me in 2013. Let's hope 2014 will bring a miracle or two.

Yunho hears the sobbing, and he thinks his ears are playing tricks on him.

He opens his eyes and is faced with a wall.

Identical to the wall of his bedroom.

Yet not.

He whirls around instantly, barely registering the other two beings in the room as he sees his elf curled up on the floor sobbing his beautiful eyes out.

Yunho moves in a flurry of limbs still a little too long for him to be able to contend with properly, but he makes it work as he scoops up the crying boy off the floor, mouth pressed against a damp cheek as he whispers his apologies.

“Jaejoongie…Jaejoongie I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I forgot you, but I’m here now. I’m here now. Please don’t cry, love. I love you so much, please don’t cry.”

Their mouths meet for the first time as adults.

Peppermint kisses sprinkled liberally with a tiny hint of salt from Jaejoong’s tears.

Neither teenager cares, Jaejoong wrapping his arms tightly around Yunho’s neck and he shyly licks at the younger boy’s mouth which parts instantly, their tongues touching gingerly, before they both deepen the kiss instinctively.

Joy and the man exchange glances as the teenaged boys topple back into Jaejoong’s bed, no more flailing limbs.

Instead, both boys are wrapped up against each other, hands stroking and caressing each other’s faces, mouths still fused together.

“You knew this would happen.” Joy remarks softly as she snaps a thin veil between the boys and herself and the man to keep them separate within the room. They can still see the two boys, but neither side can hear the other.

It isn’t a question but a statement, for she knows better.

“There was a possibility. Humans are frail creatures, but the strength in that one is remarkable. He would make a glorious angel.”

“Not an elf?”

“His love is only meant for one. He cannot be shared. Not in a way needed for an elf to share their love.”

“Jaejoong truly was unique then? I always wondered why I was told to allow him to choose his human.”

“They both are. We were testing a new theory when Jaejoong came into being.”

“What theory?”

“The red string of fate.”

“What—“ but Joy is cut off for she suddenly catches sight of it.

A red string that seems to flicker with the movements of the teenagers. Jaejoong is on top of Yunho, cupping the younger boy’s face between his hands as he peppers the larger boy with kisses all over his face. The words of love cannot be heard by her, but she can imagine what they sound like, for Jaejoong is practically incandescent once again.

The string is linked from Jaejoong’s pinky finger to Yunho’s.

And no matter how they move, the string never ever gets tangled up.

Not even when Yunho flips them over with a laugh, nuzzling and kissing Jaejoong’s still-not-very-pointy ears and presumably teasing him about them as he is wont to do.

Both Joy and the strange man smile at the boys as they wind down, content to exchange Eskimo kisses as they talk quietly. The happiness emanating from the two is palpable despite the barrier and even the distance.

“They were created for each other.” Joy finally speaks, not taking her eyes off the boys. Jaejoong’s glow is moving to Yunho, and even though she knows it’s technically impossible, her eyes are not deceiving her.

Yunho too is glowing.

“That’s the premise, yes. But it has yet to be tested.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what it means, my child. Jaejoong found him, but that’s not a test enough.”

Joy closes her eyes, sighing softly as she sends a small prayer out for the two boys quietly nuzzling each other now.

“Do they know?”

“About the red string of destiny? No.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

The man’s smile is soft. “What? And ruin the surprise?”

“Begging your pardon, but I don’t think you should toy with them. Why can’t they just be together here?” Joy asks hopefully, though she knows deep down it’s a futile hope. No human can be made an elf or an angel without death, and she has a feeling Jaejoong will have something to say about that.

“You’re fond of Jaejoong aren’t you?” the man asks, knowing her question is largely rhetorical.

“And Yunho,” Joy adds, turning once again to the teenagers wrapped up in each other on the bed. “That boy’s soul is so pure,” her voice is laced with sadness despite her meaning behind her words. He is too good for the world, and she knows that Jaejoong knows this.

“Do you think he would like to be an angel?”

“And leave Jaejoong? Never.”

The two adults watch in silence, Joy keeping her thoughts, though she knows the man can filter them from her mind if he wishes. But he’s good at allowing his angels and even his elves to a certain extent, a measure of privacy, so she knows he will not intrude.

Yunho is here as an adult, he will always remember Jaejoong unless he chooses to forget.

She has no idea what’s in store for the two young teenagers.

She cannot even begin to imagine.

But that little red string joining the two boys gives her hope.

“What now?” she finally asks.

“Now, they have a choice.”

The man snaps his finger and the barrier Joy had erected earlier drops with a hushed whoosh.

Both Yunho and Jaejoong turn their heads to the adults.

Yunho’s eyes are alight with a soft fire, and he slowly moves off the smaller boy and sitting up, putting himself bodily between Jaejoong and the other two.

Jaejoong seems to accept this, even though he is the elf and far more capable of protecting either of them. He curls himself behind the younger but bigger boy, wrapping his legs around his waist with only his luminous doe eyes glowing behind his shoulder as he stares curiously at Joy. Nothing else from nose down of the elf’s body can be seen of Jaejoong, so completely does he fit behind Yunho.

The man opens his mouth, but he is cut off by a quiet voice, slightly muffled behind the fabric of Yunho’s teeshirt.

“I don’t want to be an angel.”

Yunho tries to move, but Jaejoong’s arms are locked tight around him.

Joy can see the elf’s lips caressing the bare skin of the nape of the younger boy’s neck, and she can hear him whisper soothing words of love.

Words that bring a tear to her eyes for she knows what he is doing.

There isn’t any other way, especially if Jaejoong doesn’t want to be an angel, and Yunho will always have the memory of their realm.

“Jaejoong…” Yunho’s voice is quiet. He finally appears to see who is before him, and locked in position, he is unable to prostrate, conveying with his eyes his intention. The only movement he is able to make is with his hands, to caress Jaejoong’s legs that are locked tight around him.

The protective stance is but an illusion, for Jaejoong has him where he needs him to be.

“Are you certain, child?”

“No. No, Jaejoongie has to be an angel.”

“He’s not speaking to you, love. I’m your elf.”

“And I’m…i’m yours.”

Jaejoong smiles, the brilliance of it causes him to shine brightly once again. The white hot light of his essence is once again shared with Yunho, bathing them both in a brilliant light that has Joy closing her eyes from the pain of what she knows has to come to pass.

The man takes a step back, surprised at the sheer light force coming from the young elf, for Jaejoong is the youngest of his kind.

None have been born since, for no more have been needed since this elf paired with his human.

When the light finally dims, both adults are surprised to find the boys locked in an embrace.

Jaejoong astride Yunho’s lap, wrapped around him as always but he has the young teenager’s face in his hands, kissing away the tears that are slowly streaking down his cheeks.

“I don’t want you to go, please…”

“I can’t leave you. I promised I’d be yours forever. Only yours.”

“And if you’re an angel, you have to leave me?”

“If I’m an angel, I will always be with you, but I can never be with you,” Jaejoong whispers, his own tears finally losing the battle once again as one slips out, sliding down his cheek. He presses a peppermint filled kiss against Yunho’s mouth, making the boy whimper in pain at the taste. “I’m not strong enough to let you go.”

“I don’t want you to let me go,” Yunho breathes, biting his lower lip and tasting Jaejoong.

“This is why they should’ve only met at Christmas,” the man sends his thought to Joy, a mild note of chastisement behind his comment.

”You were never around and you’ve never seen them. I tried everything. Not even the strongest magic could make Yunho forget Jaejoong.”

The man stares as Yunho licks his mouth, watching as the boy leans forward to peck Jaejoong lightly on the mouth, before leaning back and licking at his lips once again.

He shakes his head, realizing how Yunho has managed to remember his elf when no other child has ever managed to do so. Jaejoong is one determined elf, that much he can ascertain. A whole decade of this and his Joy none the wiser.

”Jaejoong gave him a powerful memory trigger. Watch the way he licks his mouth whenever Jaejoong kisses him. They kissed far more than normal children, didn’t they?”

“I never thought anything of it for Jaejoong was always an affectionate child. It was the peppermint kisses? I never even considered it because it’s so much a part of him.”

“Give me one last hug.”



“I can’t let you do this, Jaejoongie.”

Jaejoong leans back, mouth twisted in amusement despite the pain. “Let me, Yunnie-ah?” he reaches up to cup the younger boy’s cheek, brushing away at his tears with his thumb. “You know I don’t need your permission.”

“Tell me what you’re giving up to be with me.”

“Nothing. I’m not giving up anything, but I’m gaining so much.”

“You can’t know that.”

Jaejoong’s hand drops from Yunho’s cheek, caressing his jaw and neck slowly as he slips his hand, placing his palm against his rapidly beating heart.

“I know your heart. Your heart is worth so much. I would rather spend a brief lifetime with you, than an eternity without you.”

”Is this what that red string is? Making them need each other to the point where logic makes no sense? He’s giving up heaven.”

“Is love ever logical? Is magic logical, Joy? Come now, child, what has become of you?”

“Is this your doing? Have you made them this way?”

“You know how much I value choice. That red string is but a connection. Everything else is up to them. I have done nothing to amplify or diminish their emotions. What you see is something manifested from when Yunho was only three. There is a decade of love in there already, for you know our Jaejoong never does anything by halves.”

“He loved Yunho even before the boy was born, did you know? I remember him waiting eagerly, wanting to watch him come into this world, but I had to convince him to wait till the baby was at least in his crib. Is that the red string?”

“You’re focusing too much on that red string, child.”

“Answer me, please.”

“Jaejoong was created to be pair to Yunho, yes. But it does not force emotions.”

“But he knew.”

“Our Jaejoong feels more than anyone else. Perhaps I should have made him be elf to some children to give him some perspective.”

Joy shakes her head, admitting defeat. Nothing on any world could have shaken Jaejoong from Yunho.

“Heaven, Jaejoong. You’re giving up heaven…”

“Look in my eyes.”

Yunho looks, though his gaze is filmy from the tears. He feels the soft brush of Jaejoong’s lips against his, before the elf pulls away slightly, brushing away at his tears.

“Look at my eyes.”

“I’m looking.”

“Can you see heaven?”

Yunho’s eyes are fixed on the luminous dark pools that are Jaejoong’s eyes. They are filled with tears, but he knows he will see what he’s always seen in Jaejoong’s eyes.

He felt it when he was three, and he recognizes it fully for what it is now at thirteen. There is no such thing as “too young” for him, for he’s been exposed to a world where miracles happen on a daily basis for practically a decade.


“I’m your paradise.”

“And you are mine.”

The man sighs inwardly as he watches the beautiful young elf trying to convince his human to allow him to give up eternity for him. He is sure the human cannot fathom the magnitude of what Jaejoong is doing.

In fact, he doubts Jaejoong himself understands fully the consequence of his choice.

To give up Heaven, means to give up everything.

Jaejoong will not have any memory whatsoever of his time as an elf.

It will be as if he never was one.

And on the back side of that…

…he will not remember Yunho.

It will take a miracle, and he cannot and will not interfere.

“They will need a miracle.” Joy whispers softly, forgetting herself for a moment and not speaking within the confines of her mind like she did earlier.

Both boys turn towards her, for they both heard her.

Jaejoong’s smile is jaunty, albeit watery, his tone a little sassy yet quiet. “I’m a miracle.”

Yunho makes a sound deep in his throat, drawing Jaejoong’s attention back to him.

“Give me one last kiss.”

Just think of all the moments that we spent
I just can’t let you go, for me you were meant
And I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I know
That in the game of lovin’, you reap what you sow

Yunho opens his eyes, and once again he is faced with a wall.

The right wall this time.

Or the wrong one, depending on how you look at it.

He turns, bolting upright as he remembers everything.

Yunho brings his fingers to his mouth, still sticky with their last kiss.

He licks his mouth.


Overlayed by a salty tang.

The teenager brings his knees up, wrapping his arms around his legs, he bends his forehead to touch his kneecaps as the first tear falls.

One tear.

Followed by countless others.

He cries for a long time.

And even that long time feels too short, for it isn’t forever.

Forever is with his Jaejoongie and he needs to find him.

That was the deal.

Yunho can remember everything of Jaejoong, but Jaejoong will have absolutely no memory of him.

The only thing that Jaejoong made the man and Joy promise them, is that he will always be his, that no matter what happens, Jaejoong on earth will only be Yunho’s somehow, forever and always.

The man had warned them that Jaejoong’s personality will follow him, and that in all likelihood, Yunho may never find Jaejoong till the end of their lives, but Jaejoong has faith.

”I always have faith. I was borne from faith and I will die by it. Yunho will find me.”

Such a weight upon the thirteen year old’s slim shoulders that have yet to fill out into manhood despite being an “adult”.

He remembers Joy’s parting words to him.

”You will find him within the next two years. I can promise you this much and it is the least I can do. I cannot interfere beyond this. It will be a difficult road, but I promise to watch out for both of you. Be well, little Yunnie. Look after our Jaejoongie for god knows he can get into mischief by just standing still.”

The teenager fists the last of his tears away, the taste of peppermint on his lips is but a distant memory now.

Jaejoong has given up eternity for him.

He will spend the rest of his life making sure he is worth it.

Two beings watch the young teenager square his shoulders, determination lining his every movement.

“Tell me of their path.”

“I can only share so much, Joy. Nothing is certain. Their path is fraught with choices. At every turn, they have a choice to make. Jaejoong may not have his memories, but you saw the way he shared his light with Yunho. There is a little bit of both of them in each other. He will not know who he is, but he will not see him as foe.”

“And I guess I should be happy with that much, huh?” Joy sniffs, wiping away a tear as she watches Yunho trace out Jaejoong’s name on the foggy mirror in his bathroom after washing his face. “I don’t know who to feel more sorry for. Jaejoong or Yunho.”

“They both have their difficulties.”

“But to give up heaven…”

The man smiles. “Heaven is an idea, Joy. Jaejoong found his heaven in that strong young man right there. Who are we to begrudge him his choice of heaven?”

“But his choice means pain.”

“Not all pain is bad, Joy. You’ve been sheltered for too long.”

“It hurts…” she trails off, gazing down at Yunho, reaching out to him as she sees another tear slip from his eyes. But she cannot touch him, and she takes her hand back, placing it against her chest. “I hurt…it hurts to see him like this.”

“Can you see his string?”

Joy peers closer, staring at Yunho’s pinky, and true enough, that red string of destiny is still attached to him.

“If I follow it, will I find Jaejoong?”

“You know you will.”

Her eyes trace the supernatural string, following its rather straight path as the crow flies, a little startled when she reaches its end.

“He isn’t far.”

“No, he isn’t.”


Yunho and his friends chance upon the group towards the end of the fight, attracted by the raucous noise and unafraid as only teenagers with martial arts skills can be, they race in to play hero.

There are clear victors, and the older boys of his group step between the two sets of boys to make sure the fight is at a complete end. These are his hapkido friends, and they are recognized by the group slinking away at least, so any lingering thoughts of retaliation die a swift death as they disappear into the shadows.

“Is everyone alright?” the oldest member of Yunho’s group asks.

“What’s it to you? We’d already won the fight, you lot didn’t need to play policemen.”

Yunho stills.

23 months, one week and three days. Cutting it very close, Joy.

“Jaejoong,” he whispers under his breath, half afraid to turn to find it isn’t so. He’s had so many false alarms, his ears, eyes and even nose trying to find even the slightest memory of the boy in anyone he meets. He hasn’t eaten a single candy cane since, for knowing that it will not bring him his miracle is a pain he would rather not face.

“How do you know my name?”

Yunho closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as his arm is tugged from behind. He pivots slowly on his heel, eyes opening as he turns to meet a familiar pair of doe eyes, darkened by heightened emotion, confusion warring within them as their eyes connect.

“Do I know you?”


“Who did this to my Yunho? Who? Who? How dare that bitch. I’m going to kill her.”

The managers watch helplessly as Jaejoong kicks a hole in the door as he walks out. They don’t even think of stopping him, for even they are in shock.

Of all the ones to get an anti-fan, it is Yunho, leader of TVXQ and the most kind hearted young man they have ever known. The raging virago before them is expected, for the two oldest members are very close. Far closer to each other than to any of their dongsaengs, and this is even without them sharing a room.

“Hyung, please. Let’s just go to the hospital.”

“I’m going to fucking kill her, Yoochunnie.”

“Hyung won’t want you to kill her,” Changmin whispers, tears and pain clogging his throat as he follows his hyung out the door to get into their van.

Jaejoong visibly deflates at the maknae’s words as he stares out into the black night. He looks up at the sky, staring till he finds what he is looking for.

A lone twinkle up in the heaven’s above.

A tear slips out as he stares hard at it.

“My Yunho is too good for this world…too good… Give his pain to me and I will bear it willingly. I don’t care how you do it. I wish to take his pain.”

Joy feels the presence next to her as she reaches out a hand, her touch reaching her former young ward, caressing his cheek. She can see that he feels it as he closes his eyes, head tilted into her touch, even though he doesn’t realize it. His tears are like a hot brand against her fingers.

“He’s right.”

“Don’t take him, please.”

“Yunho is too good for that world. He was never meant to stay long.”

“Please,” Joy sinks to her knees, head bent, tears flowing down her cheeks. “Please don’t take him. They’ve barely had any time with each other…please I beg you.”

“Would you rather see them in pain later on? Together. At least this pain will be quick. Jaejoong is far stronger than he looks, and he too is good to remain long too, even though I never thought I’d ever hear my elf threaten anyone with death.”

“Some pain is good, right? You told me that. You told me not all pain is bad.”

“That is true.”

“You also told me they have choices. Jaejoong made his choice. He made a wish on a star, and I heard him. Please, don’t take Yunho from him now.”

“They have to be separated at some point, Joy. The world is not ready for them.”

Joy lifts her head, gazing down at the tormented beauty with his face still tilted towards the heavens. His eyes are closed now, and it is as if time has frozen.

Nothing moves around him.

Nothing breathes.

She tilts her head further back to gaze up at the man watching her carefully.

“Jaejoong wants to take Yunho’s pain as his own.”

“It will manifest differently for Jaejoong.”

“But his pain will hurt Yunho too.”

“Yes,” the man nods. “That cannot be helped. Jaejoong has to reap what he has sown. Every choice has a consequence.”

“Jaejoong wasn’t making an informed choice though. All those years ago when he chose to follow Yunho down to earth, you didn’t tell him that it would be this difficult.”

The man crooks a brow at the angel’s increasingly frustrated tone. “And spoil the surprise?”

Joy turns back down to stare at the frozen earth beneath her.

“Don’t take Yunho from him, please…”

“A quick yet intense pain now compared to a prolonged pain later on, Joy. Are you making the choice for them?”

“Listen…” she whispers, incredulous as Jaejoong’s eyes open on the frozen earth far below them.

The young Rising God of the East has his eyes still fixated on the glowing star as he breathes the words he means from the bottom of his heart and the depth of his soul.

“I wish to die in his place.”



Jaejoong smiles at the murmur against his ear before he sits back up, Yunho seated fully within him as he starts to move slowly, languidly, in no hurry whatsoever. It is early morning, the sun still not yet making it’s grand entrance into the world. It’s his favorite time of the day. No one awake but him and Yunho.

He rocks over the younger man, a wisp of a smirk playing about his lips as he gazes down at Yunho staring up at him with love in his eyes.

“I’m no angel…”

“You watch over them too closely.”

Joy flushes as the man steps up next to her, amusement clear in his features and his tone.

“I’m not watching that.”

“What are you looking at then?”

“Jaejoongie is glowing again.”

The man turns to look, and his angel is right, even though he knew what he’d see before he even turns. There is a light from within the ethereal young man. Both men are worshipped as gods on earth, and they have a guardian angel watching practically their every move, but he knows what’s coming.

“Yunho shouldn’t have called him angel.”

“Can you blame him? Even if he doesn’t remember, anyone looking at our Jaejoong will think he is one. He is so beautiful…”

“He is glowing, Joy. The humans will notice.”

Joy turns her head sharply, eyes searching the other man’s impassive features. Something in his countenance makes her gasp, shaking her head as her eyes fill. “No. No, no, no. You cannot do this to them. Not now.”

The man simply shakes his head. “You are too attached, child. Do you want me to bring you back up to the upper realm where you will no longer have sight of them?”

She sinks immediately to her knees, head bowed in prostration, she shakes her head. “Please, no.”

He places a hand on the top of her head, rubbing her golden hair gently as he casts his eyes downward towards the glowing couple in a tiny bedroom.

“They are both glowing, Joy. It is not normal for humans to glow. It has to be snuffed out for now till they learn.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Jaejoong made a choice two years ago. The time for me to collect is coming.”

“Are you going to grant his wish to die?”

“He will die…but not physically.”



Yunho stares at himself in the mirror. He barely recognizes himself. He is unshaven, his eyes are bloodshot, and his features are so gaunt he looks like he’s aged a decade.

And even as he stares, a mist seems to gather in the mirror.

Any other normal human will grow alarmed, and perhaps start to freak out.

But Yunho isn’t normal.

Practically his entire childhood was spent in an abnormal realm, and he remembers every moment.

And most importantly, he remembers his beautiful laughing companion.

A companion no longer with him now.

Golden hair fills the mirror, and he sighs as a memory turns into a face he remembers.

A beautiful girl who hasn’t aged a single bit despite the passing of time.

Over two decades to be precise.

“I failed him.”

Joy shakes her head, holding in her tears at the sight of the broken young man. “You didn’t, Yunho.”

“Why are you here? After all this time, why only appear now? Where were you six months ago when I still had a hope of keeping him with me?”

“He is always with you.”

The young man makes a rude sound, not caring that he’s speaking with an angel. His own angel is lost to him, and nothing else matters.

“Do you see him now? Do you see him in that bath over there where he used to sit, surrounded by bubbles as I went about my nightly ablution? Do you hear him cautioning me to be careful as I shave? Do you hear his laughter as I try to hide from his stupid phone constantly taking photos of me? Do you, Joy?”

“Jung Yunho.” Joy’s voice takes on a hint of steel, silencing the young man before he continues on his rant. “Could you see Jaejoong as a child? When you were in school, did you see him?”

“No,” comes the sullen reply. Yunho is so done with everything right now. He’s thisclose to punching the mirror and shattering Joy within it. He is hungover and just so fucking done with everything. Jaejoong gave up heaven for him, and all Yunho is apparently capable of is giving him hell in return. He is feeling both sorry for himself, and angry at his failure, and the combination is not a good one in the broken young man.

“And yet he was always with you. You don’t have to see him for him to be with you. You’ve been spoiled for so long, Jung Yunho. You know what he is, you know who he is, and now you need to know why it has come to this. He has no idea who he used to be, but you know. You know what he gave up for you, and you’re willing to give up on him now?”

“No.” Yunho bites out. “I am not giving up on him. He gave up on me.”

“Oh, really?”

“He wanted more than what we had. He wasn’t happy, and he wanted more.”

“All he’s ever wanted, was you.”

Yunho shakes his head. “He’s not the Jaejoongie from before. He’s changed.”

“Yes, he has.”

Yunho’s eyes lift to look at the glittering sapphire eyes of the angel before him. She is furious, and he knows he deserves it, but at the moment, he can barely see past his own nose and his own heartache to examine any type of bigger picture that she probably wants him to see.

“He’s not my Jaejoongie.”

Joy reaches out, cupping Yunho’s jaw with her small hand, ignoring the startled expression in the young man’s face at the contact.

“He has always been yours. He will only ever be yours. This pain you’re feeling? It’s his pain.”

She snaps her finger, and a film covers Yunho’s eyes, and he jerks, trying to move away from her hand, but she holds him in place.


Yunho bites his lip, wanting to shut his eyes, but he cannot, as he stares as Jaejoong lying in an unfamiliar bed, curled up within himself, his body shaking so hard as harsh sobs wrack his frame.


Yunho can hear a buzzing in his ear, and he tries to focus. Once he does, he hears it.

”I wish…I wish…I wish to die.”

“No!” Yunho wrenches himself from the angel’s grasp. “No. No, Jaejoong cannot die.”

“He’s not wishing on a star, so it will not be granted.”

Yunho’s body sags in relief, but the angel’s next clipped words makes him tense again.

“But he did wish on a star four years ago. He wished to die in your place.”

“Four years ago…” Yunho’s eyes widen. “The poison…I was meant to die?”


“Oh god,” Yunho’s legs give out, crashing to the bathroom floor, he hunches over, the intensity of Jaejoong’s sacrifice even as a human, shakes him to the very core. “I don’t deserve him,” he whispers. “He deserves better than me.”

“He deserves more from you, but he cannot do better than you. An angel with an angel. Jaejoong cannot do better than that,” Joy’s mouth tugs into a ghost of a smile as she feels the self-pity slowly leaving Yunho. The man was too blinded by his own pain.

“Take back his wish, and take me instead.”

Joy shakes her head. “This is his death.”

Yunho’s head jerks up, “What do you mean?”

“This pain is his death. Jaejoong is dying right now. The pain he feels is so intense, death would be bliss. My question to you is, what are you going to do about it? He took your pain from you four years ago, and he is suffering for it now. What are you going to do about it?”

“Give it to me,” Yunho beseeches, reaching a hand towards the angel in his mirror. “Give me his pain.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t give you his pain, because his pain is your pain. You feel the separation like he does, but you have more awareness than he does. He doesn’t know who he is, but you know how far back you two go. Why do you think you’re more angry than pained? You think you’ve failed him, while he thinks he’s lost you forever.”

“He hasn’t. He’s never lost me. He’s always had me,” Yunho whispers as he raises slowly, regaining his feet as he stands.

“Now you’re understanding,” Joy’s smile is a little wider this time. “Now what are you going to do about it?”

“It’s difficult…” Yunho’s mind immediately turns to their legal situation.

“Difficult, but not impossible. Jaejoong found a way to remind you of him always when you were a child. I have faith that you will find a way to tell him you are still his.”

“Peppermint kisses,” Yunho smiles as he licks his dry lips. “That’s how he did it, didn’t he?”

Joy’s smile is finally in full, lending a glow to the bathroom. “Sneaky angel, our Jaejoongie is.”

“Will he ever remember?”

“He’s not meant to,” Joy replies, but her gaze is thoughtful. “But you were never meant to remember him either once you hit puberty. Miracles happen around him.”

“He is my miracle.”


“I wrote a song for you, when we were apart.”

Yunho nuzzles up the side of the head of the blond sitting across his lap. He hears the words, but he’s more interested in the soft, fragrant skin. He hasn’t seen Joy since that fateful day, but he can feel her presence.


She was definitely named right.


Jaejoong giggles, Yunho’s unshaved chin is tickling his sensitive skin. “I’m no angel.”

“You’re my angel even though your ears are not quite pointy yet.”

“I’m still growing into them,” Jaejoong retorts huffily.

Yunho freezes.

“What did you say?”

“What?” Jaejoong asks, staring at Hiro running around the living room chasing some invisible thing only he can see. He is warm, sated, and very happy draped over the only man he’s ever loved. They still cannot be seen in public together, well, not without it probably making international headline news, but behind the scenes is another matter altogether. They’ve been together again for the better part of three years, with no one the wiser.

Many people close to them suspected of course, and their dongsaengs knew from the beginning, but as of right now, those who know for a fact can be counted on his fingers.

Jaejoong mentally plays gwiyomi in his head, rolling his eyes and laughing when he is stumped at 3+3 again.

“You said you’re growing into them…”

Jaejoong wiggles in Yunho’s lap. “I can grow you too. I’m good at growing things,” he leers playfully, kissing Yunho on the mouth.

“Your ears.”

“What about my ears?”

“They’re not pointy enough.”

“I’m an angel, not an elf, Yunho,” Jaejoong rolls his eyes as he presses another kiss to frozen lips. He leans back, staring at the bemused man curiously. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you remember?”

“Remember what?”

The hope in Yunho’s heart dies as he reads genuine bewilderment in Jaejoong’s eyes. He cannot tell the man anything, for that was one of the rules.

“Remember how much I love you,” he kisses the beautiful man in his arms.

“Do I need to remember?” Jaejoong pulls back, his voice quiet, eyes searching Yunho’s. “I don’t want to remember. I want to know it, feel it, see it, every day for eternity. Yunho, you’re not going anywhere, are you?”

It hurts the leader of TVXQ at how insecure Jaejoong had become since their parting of almost a year in 2010/2011. The man destined to be an angel, so painfully insecure he needs to have constant reaffirmation that he is loved. That he is worthy of being loved. Jaejoong did die in 2010, at least a part of him did. He lost something and Yunho will do anything to help him get it back.

“I’m not going anywhere, love. Now tell me about this song you wrote for me.”

“You’re distracting me.”

“If I was distracting you, you’d be on your back with your ankles hooked on my shoulders.”

Jaejoong laughs, the broken sound is music to Yunho’s ears. “You are such a wretch. Promise you’ll distract me later?”

“Depends on how good your song is.”

Yunho laughs as he is smacked playfully by Jaejoong who leans over to grab the remote control for the stereo. “Don’t get mad at me, ok? I tend to write with you in mind and a lot of the songs are about you.”

“Born free, one kiss…yes, I know Jaejoongie.”

“This one is a little different. I wrote it because I wanted so much to believe it. I had to believe it. I had to believe that one day, I’d be able to show you once again.”

Jaejoong is unaware of the tear that spills from the corner of his eye, caught by Yunho’s thumb, the younger man slips it into his mouth to taste the salty essence of his angel’s tears.

But he is in for a surprise.

Peppermint kisses.

He schools his features to try and hide the shock from Jaejoong, but he doesn’t need to as the older man hits play before scooting down, and tucking his head under his chin.

Give me one last hug
Give me one last kiss

Yunho is really glad Jaejoong cannot see his face right now. His mouth is full of sweet peppermint candy from the tear drop he sucked from his thumb.

I don’t want you to go…

He licks his mouth, his heart starting to beat erratically. Jaejoong says he doesn’t remember, but…

His memory goes back to when he was thirteen.

Watched over by the two adults as they said their goodbyes, his heart so heavy yet light at Jaejoong’s choice to forsake eternity for him.

Look at my eyes
Look at my eyes
You can see heaven

The urge to hit the pause button and shake Jaejoong, demanding, asking, wanting, needing to know if he remembers is stifling him. His skin is crawling, the hair at the back of his neck tingling with awareness. He can feel the room suffused with love. The glow is tinged red around the edges, and Yunho looks around surreptitiously.

I’m miracle
I’m miracle
I’ll make everything come true

He sees it then.

A simple star on the mantelpiece where Jaejoong collects random knick knacks.

A star glowing red, pulsating with each beat of his heart and Jaejoong’s.

Their hearts beat in tandem, and he feels the beating pulsing through the room.

Let me show you what you’re missin’
Let me show you what you’re missin’
I’m your…I’m your…

Yunho drops his chin, coaxing Jaejoong from the crook of his neck, kissing him softly.

Jaejoong licks at the peppermint tainted lips of his lover, eyes closed, as his mind drifts.

“Have you ever wished on a star?”

“Yes,” Yunho’s voice is hoarse, unable to, refusing to believe it.

Jaejoong’s eyes pop open, smiling as he licks his mouth, leaning forward to kiss Yunho again. A simple peck just to taste, and still the candy sweet taste explodes on his tastebuds, widening his smile.

“I love peppermint kisses.”

“I know.” Yunho’s throat is suddenly dry. “If you could wish on a star right now, what would you wish for?”

Jaejoong nuzzles the younger man’s cheek before he turns, twisting in his lap he points to his mantelpiece with the glowing red star.

Yunho holds his breath, for there is nothing natural about the way the star is glowing, and yet, Jaejoong doesn’t seem surprised to see it.

“I already have my wish though.”

“Just say it. I’m curious.” Yunho coaxes carefully, as doe eyes turn on him, a light within them that he recognizes.

“I wish to have someone that is just for me, always and forever mine.”

I’m wishin’ on a star
To follow where you are
I’m wishin’ on a dream
To follow what it means…

AN: Um… I was trying to battle the emoshinki but CLEARLY the emoshinki is strong within me. I might as well be Darth Vader…sigh… Happy Holidays everyone. Please keep safe and smile even though the tears will probably fall like mine did writing this.

this was all sorts of fluffy and cute
with angsty thrown in for good measure
I loved it!

Yay! Happy holidays! This is fantastic, thank you! :)

i am so speechless. really girl.. you have really outdone yourself.. I am so glad to have read this!!! KEEP THEM COMING!!!

Happy Holidays!!!
♥♥♥♥♥ thanks for this Christmas gift!!

Awww so beautiful!!! Happy holidays !!!

Absolutely beautiful <3 This made my night I'm cheesing so hard right now.

Ahhh I needed that! Fluffy Yunjae <3
This just made my day. ugh awesome fic as always~
Happy Holidays!

stupid grin on my stupid face, this was so good.

it both grew then sated the emoshinkiness.

oh my God! this is beautiful eventho I can't stop crying (yes i'm typing this comment with tears on my eyes) all my dbsk/yunjae feels. emoshinki feels is officially on. let's all hope for a better 2014 for all of us. Happy Holidays!!!

omg we're the same ;~; i just finished typing my comment minutes ago.

You are awesome unni! Couldn't have wished for a better Christmas present. Thank you for this. :)

P.S. i've always been a silent reader for all your fics.

Merry christmas!

Omg! This is so wonderful...the way you mixed the au and non-au parts...it makes my heart ache...

I miss them all together...dayum! I wanna hide on their 10th anniversary to escape from all the emoshinki feels. :((((

I don't know why i'm crying right now..i love you and happy holidays..

*handing out and passing tissue boxes for all crying readers* yep a very tearjerking gift for new year, merry christmas and happy new year everyone *wiping tears and snorting the muchus*